Hello Everyone,
I have not asked for prayer on here before because I am not that great at praying for others like I should
, but I am going to just share a bit about my situation and ask for prayer.
My husband and I are struggling because of the truth. I understand that the truth divides-I know that for a fact now. But I have decided to stay in the church with him because He is the assistant pastor there and what I have tried to share with him, he has in turn shared with the pastor, who has decided, under council of his father(a pastor as well), to give us thirty days to sort this out and I guess if I don't change my hubby will have to "step down". To avoid a fiasco of sorts, I just thought I would stay with him there and be a good wife, although my heart is not in the church, it is with my husband.
This is all so very hard!! Who knew that seeking the truth would cause so much hulabaloo. I honestly don't think I realized, and looking at it now, it all seems so very childish. Like little children on the playground bullying the other little kids into playing with them.
That isn't to say that I think that I am being bullied like a child bullies another child, but I do feel like I have been threatened. And my options are 1.) Hurt my family, friends, break up a church family, be labeled as heretical by the world as I know it, lose my husbands heart, etc., and 2.) Recant and all is forgiven and 3.) Shut-up and be good and this will all go away.
Although those things were not said, and I know my husband loves me dearly as well as others who are involved, that is how I feel.
I have been unhappy going to church for a long time. The sadness has been seen by others, and been commented on(to the pastor, mind you, not to me). A few people have been concerned for my welfare but have not actually let me know about it. Anyways, alot has been going on in my life in the last 5 months. My Dad died in December, and then My wonderful Gramma a few weeks ago. I think it has all opened up a sadness in me along with the whole church thing.
But, I told my hubby that I would go to church with him and do whatever it is that he wanted to do, but I will not think what he wants me to think. Though I have much to learn, what I have learned is continually reiterated to me as I read and study the scriptures for myself. I am amazed and blown away by what God shows me-I can't go back. Even sitting in church listening to the pastor preach, I see totally different things than he is preaching.
I love my husband and want to be a good wife to him and a good mom to my kids and that is my focus right now. Maybe someday, when my kids have grown, things will change. I don't know. I just ask for prayer for us. I need wisdom, the grace to say and do the right things, strength and courage. I pray for my hubby to see what I see. He is a good man. I know God is in control, and I have peace in that!
My hubby has asked me once again to leave the forum, and so, for him, I once again must leave. I know I do not post alot, but I read ALOT. I have been so grateful for this place to know the truth together with other fellow believers. You have become my siblings. I may from time to time pop in, but I have to stay away as much as possible. Thank you for having this place. God be with you all!!
Beth