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confessing my anger

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lauriellen:
hi to all:
i feel that i must ask you all for some help....although i have been a so called 'Christian' all my life, i was only lead to Ray's teaching a little over a year ago....at first, i was OVERWHELMED with gladness and thankfulness because of what i learned about Gods love, mercy and plan for the eventual salvation of all mankind...i have marveled at how my eyes have been opened to so many truths that were right there all along, but i could not see or understand....i felt so humbled that God would allow me to know Him more and more...i realize there is still SO MUCH i don't know, and i hunger to have more understanding...
but even while this great thing is going on with me, there is something dark (that i have been trying to suppress) happening at the same time. i have NEVER been one to be depressed, i always tried to look at the positive side of everything, and i was the classic "Christian" that Ray describes, always trying to get God 'off the hook' of being responsible for anything bad that happened. It was somehow easier believing that the 'devil' was responsible for the evil and God only gave us 'good gifts'... But with my new understanding that God is indeed responsible for ALL....i have been stuffing down feelings of anger and deep dression. i have been afraid & ashamed to admit that i even harbored these feelings. How could i feel angry toward my God who has given such hope & love to us? But today, i decided that since God knows how i feel anyway, i may as well admit my sin and deal with it. My anger grows as i look around & see SO MUCH sufferring around me.
Because of my sufferrring, those around me percieve that i am such a STRONG person of faith, because of the way i have conducted myself. I have tried to put on such a FRONT of strength, trust, faith & hope, because i would never want to cast doubt on God in anyone's eyes. And because people think that i am so strong, they bring to me  their problems & sorrows hoping that i can help them through or to learn of my so called 'secret' to being so strong.  I AM NOT STRONG. They don't see when i am on the floor crying out to God all of my doubts and fears & telling Him that i just can't make it through another day...my heart BREAKS daily for the sufferring i see people go through...there is so much evil in this world i just can't stand it sometimes. I just can't help but ask God how He could let this go on...i ask myself as a parent, would i ever put my child through such pain. Couldn't there have been another way?
Has anyone had these feelings and if so, how did you deal with them? I do love God with all my heart, and i do trust Him, i just don't understand Him nor His ways....i feel 'stuck'  until i can get past these feelings and mature in my understanding of God.
any help?
lauriellen

mharrell08:
I just try to keep my mind on the end of all this wickedness and not place the burden on myself. I think on these 2 passages:

Phil 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Rom 8:24-25  we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.

The fulfillment of the hope and glory of God in all and all in God is still to come so we must wait patiently for it...and remain of the faith that it will come to pass. Trust Him...it's the only thing to do.


Hope this helps,

Marques

Deborah-Leigh:
I absolutely relate to your cry lauriellen. :'(

I have experienced much comfort when caused to think of Jesus who in the Garden of Gethsemane   also sweated blood in deep appeal, earnest supplication and desperate urgency before God where He too , like us, felt our distress. We want the evil to pass and to be ended and I, rightly or wrongly, liken the bitterness and anxiety that evil and suffering bring to the experience where Jesus Christ begged the Father to let the cup pass. Three times He implored His Father. Then He suffered persecution of such abominable proportions that any human suffering we go through, I believe, is just a small part of what the perfect Son of God endured.

The point is that God’s Son also felt like asking God to change His mind, make another plan, achieve the objective differently and go about the process in an alternative manner. That, to me is a comfort.  It makes me feel not so alone in asking God to do things differently. It is not pointless to ask God to change as Jesus did the same thing and He knows the Father much better than I do. Jesus asked and He was in the Plan and Purpose and Will of God and His Father kept Him there to always renounce Himself to the Will of His Father. Jesus did not, could not and would not fail or destabilize the Work of God or the events that God had put in place for Him to fulfill.  God MADE Jesus succeed as He shall MAKE us also succeed in our trials and tribulations no matter how bitter the taste and painful the experience.

We cannot change anything and it is okay if we can cry to God our desperate dismay at what we see and feel as He makes a new thing out of all the bad, ugly painful circumstances we are meant to experience. I also want the evil to end. I also want it to be over. Too much is simply just too much. Jesus knows that. Before He went into the too much part of His experience, He sweated blood.  He knew and knows.

God will make things right as only He who is responsible can. We are powerless to change the course of God’s Plan and purpose but we can cry as did Jesus to let the cup pass and subordinate ourselves totally to His care in, His Will be done.

Also we can ask God to give us discernment and appreciation of His Spirit that Comforts in much the same way as He sent His angel to strengthen and encourage His Son in His time of great crisis, need and distress.

Keeping one another in mind thought and prayer also helps our heart’s desire for good to overcome evil.

Remembering that there is a better life in the Kingdom of God that is not vulnerable to evil and has overcome this wicked age lead by our Lord who has overcome the World, also has comforted me in times of peak suffering.

Noticing the little things that are so beautiful and are made by God, also helps sooth huge wounds that comes to us through the Comfort of  His Spirit. God does not let us down.
  
Deb

lauriellen:
thank you all for your reply....your words have brought me some measure of comfort.....i guess this may be one of those things that i may never 'see' or fully understand in this lifetime, and i must rely on God to give me the 'faith' to accept....
its not that i worry about the evil, cause i KNOW that God will make everything right.....its just that it breaks my heart.... :'(

Ninny:
Lauriellen...
The only thing I will add is that like John said...it's ok to be angry with God...because you may as well be honest with God...He knows every thought and feeling we have and feel. He can see to the very innermost thought we have and He is the only one who can show you the way...I'll be praying for you...we just need to pray for each other that God will give us all the peace that passes understanding!
Love you!
Kathy ;)

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