IN NEED OF PRAYER!! VERY PERSONAL

[coryd123]

I am not sure exactly where to start but I will try to make a short as possible. I have not posted in a while so here is a little about me. My name is Cory and I am a 24 year male and live in Columbus Ohio. Everything has happened so fast with my walk with the lord. GOD caused me to want to deeply seek him about a year ago and I have been reading rays teachings for about 9 months over and over again and through those 9 months I was literally reading the word 3-5 hours per day and some nights I would be up all night reading. Everything was about GOD. I would even wake up out of my sleep sometimes praying asking god for HELP!! I was as it says in psalms meditating day and night on GODS word some days I even went as far as literally singing to GOD and I cant even sing. GOD through that time taken many idols of my heart. For example I use to watch TV and play video games everyday for hours at a time now I don't even have a desire to play them and there are some others but in the mist of that GOD also showed me that I have a long ways to go with the many idols (oHHH did he!!) I have experienced almost every kind of emotion and thought that I could have. Through this journey some of the scriptures really came alive in my life like

Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

even though I know that it is GOD doing the wrestling and battling for us.

Deuteronomy 20:4 For the LORD your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

During times when I was meditating or thinking upon GODS word or even just out and about, I would have random evil thoughts arise in my head that would go aginst GODS word and it was like I would be going back and forth using GODS work against whatever the evil thought was. Some of the arguments in my mind were LIKE looking at a BLUE sky and saying that the sky is not BLUE and saying that it's BLACK and going back and forth in my mind for hours about it, the thoughts were so vain. At times I felt as though I was loosing my mind and at times I would either get upset or I would cry out to GOD because I did not want to have any evil thoughts because I only wanted a clear conscience and to think on

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

The battle is going on in my heart and from my heart is coming forth evil and vain thoughts that I don't want to have.

During that time here are some more things I have been struggling with. I know this sounds childish but this is what is going on in my heart and it's personal and I feel that I can only share with brothers and sisters that have the truth in them, ok here it is. Growing up as a kid I always use to watch demonic movies and I would always force myself to watch them to show that I am tough and some of the images from the movies that I have seen have at times placed fear in me where the images pop up in my head. I am a single man and live by myself and at times I can not even sleep in the dark and I sleep with the lights on. Now this was all enhanced the more I got closer and understanding of the word of GOD let me explain why, about a year ago I went to this church service they hold here close to where I live and they have this thing called visions of hell and this pastor is like a ghost hunter and he takes hard core, demonic, carnal music like heavy metal or hard core hip hop music and he plays it backwards at certain speeds where it says demonic things that you can hear clearly when the album is played backwards. I could not believe it at first until he showed us how slow he had to play it then he had all these posters on the wall of all these music celebrity's and they were mocking are lord Jesus. A heavy metal star had thorns on his head another acted as he was carrying the cross another had a shirt that said 666 club and what even boggled my mind even more is on most of there music they quote actual scriptures from the bible. I did get revelation from this vision of hell thing that MUSIC IS VERY POWERFUL, after all GOD devoted a whole book to PSALMS. I never even noticed this stuff until I went to his visions of hell thing. For 3 days after that I could not even go into my house alone because my mind kept playing those songs backwards in my head and there was a great amount of fear placed in me. Please understand that my no means do I believe in hell. The word of GOD has declared of no such thing. After some time passed I was so fearful from this evil going on in my mind that it has scared most of the fear away. The fear has diminished some. Ok here is more, I know this is a lot within a short period of time but also a while ago when I was out in the world in my sins I was involved with sexual fornication and my flesh wanted to do it but I had this deep conviction that it was wrong and I wanted to obey the Lord so I kept praying and kept praying to GOD for me not to do it so then after every time I would fornicate I would have the most horrible dreams EVERY TIME after fornication. I would have dreams where In the dream I would be fornicating with a random women and then a spirit would enter in me and as soon as I was about to die in the dream I would wake up. I believe this was GODS way of showing me the damages of sin and it also helped me stay abstinent ever since. I know that these are just dreams but I believe that GOD does work through dreams as it is written ALL IS OF GOD. Like I stated earlier that most of this all happened after I had that deep desire to know AND get closer to GOD. I am not going go into detail about every dream that I have had but I will sum up what was happening in most of the dreams. Ok, in most of the dreams they would be about me being about to die some of the dreams from a heart attack or ailment and others from evil spirits entering in me and EVERY TIME in the dreams that I was about to die. One recent dream that I had a guy had a knife to my throat and he said DO YOU TRUST IN THE LORD NOW? and I said yea then the knife kept going deeper then I woke up out of the dream I would always wake up right when I am about to die and when I would wake up I literally could not move or speak for about 10-20 seconds and I would feel like I was in the dream with all my energy drained. These dreams happen usually around 2:00 to 3:00 in the morning and in spurts where I will have dreams 3 or 4 days in a row then I have none at all. I have tried almost everything I can think of to get delivered from this evil. At first I repented of everything and made sure it was not sin in my life then over time I came to understand GODS sovereignty I use to try to command in the name of Jesus for this evil to leave me or try to yell at Satan that all made it worse. Now I have learned to when ever I have a dream to thank GOD and

Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.

GOD says he will not put more on me then I can bear but lately I FEEL as though it is (I know it's just a feeling), lately I have not had as much desire to meditate and read GODS word, it's still there just not nearly like it was. I have not been praying without ceasing and have not been able to be very thankful about anything. I have a lot of open time available because I work at home and am single with no kids. The last couple weeks or so I have been doing my hobby which is fishing and I have been going almost everyday and it temporarily has been fixing me but then every time I am coming home from fishing I break down and cry because I want to be close with GOD AND I WANT THAT DESIRE but only he can give it to me. I am tearing up writing this, I am feeling so many different things right now and can not even express everything I am going through, to sum things up lately I feel confused, lost, hopeless, fearful, lonely (I desire to have a wife GOD willing) there is so much more but this is enough for now. HELP!!! PRAY!! THANKS

[soberxp]

hi.Cory

GOD does work through dreams as it is written ALL IS OF GOD.indeed.

when I didn't desire to have something/s.b,but no way,cuz GOD's will,when I desire to have something/s.b,still no way,cuz GOD's will.i didn't know why god did all of this.
finally I realize,
god desire me to have word of god.these things let me sick of feeling,but finally I found that desire to have word of god, that's good to me,worth to doing it more than anything else ,it's true.

p.s:You need a good rest n good Activity habits.

peace
soberxp

[arion]

1Co 10:13  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Hello Cory;

There are three areas of sin and only three areas.  Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and pride of life.  When we are tested the thing that we want the most is to escape them (see the above) and God does say that he will make a way of escape.  But at times we have to walk through and endure these temptations for sometimes even an extended period of time.

During these struggles the enemy will sow all sorts of doubt in your mind and will hang temptation in front of your flesh day in and day out.  I'm a 47 year old male and in my earlier days I had serious sexual temptations that dogged me day in and day out.  How I prayed for deliverance and that is what I was interested in...being free from them.  God however was more interested in the process and in accomplishing something in me.  

The religious folk love to give fleshly advice which is of little to no use in overcoming the flesh.  They attempt to use flesh to overcome flesh and believe me brother it doesn't work.  God is doing a work in you and at times it seems a long and slow work.  It will seem that you backslide and sin against the truth that you know.  But in the midst of it God is faithful and when you get on the other side of these things (even if they take years) you will be able to look behind you and see God in the midst of all this but yet when your walking through it, it seems that God is distant and nowheres to be found.  

I would have one question and only one question for you and that would be is do you believe that God has called you and is doing a work in you?

Php 1:6  Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

Rom 8:28  And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Php 2:13  For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.


These scriptures are worthy to commit to memory.  Every time you feel down review them and believe them.  And if I could leave you with one word of wisdom that I have learned it is this.

Do not doubt in the darkness what God has given you in the light.

God bless and be encouraged.

[aqrinc]

1Co 10:13  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Hello Cory;

There are three areas of sin and only three areas.  Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and pride of life.  When we are tested the thing that we want the most is to escape them (see the above) and God does say that he will make a way of escape.  But at times we have to walk through and endure these temptations for sometimes even an extended period of time.

During these struggles the enemy will sow all sorts of doubt in your mind and will hang temptation in front of your flesh day in and day out.  I'm a 47 year old male and in my earlier days I had serious sexual temptations that dogged me day in and day out.  How I prayed for deliverance and that is what I was interested in...being free from them.  God however was more interested in the process and in accomplishing something in me. 

The religious folk love to give fleshly advice which is of little to no use in overcoming the flesh.  They attempt to use flesh to overcome flesh and believe me brother it doesn't work.  God is doing a work in you and at times it seems a long and slow work.  It will seem that you backslide and sin against the truth that you know.  But in the midst of it God is faithful and when you get on the other side of these things (even if they take years) you will be able to look behind you and see God in the midst of all this but yet when your walking through it, it seems that God is distant and nowheres to be found. 

I would have one question and only one question for you and that would be is do you believe that God has called you and is doing a work in you?

Php 1:6  Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

Rom 8:28  And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Php 2:13  For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.


These scriptures are worthy to commit to memory.  Every time you feel down review them and believe them.  And if I could leave you with one word of wisdom that I have learned it is this.

Do not doubt in the darkness what God has given you in the light.

God bless and be encouraged.

Hi Cory,

Other than (my understanding) of escape changed to (a way through it).

Ditto on Arion's post.

george .

[judith collier]

Cory, nothing you said surprises me. You will make it but your mind, believe it or not is starting to be renewed. I had a horrible time at first, my mind couldn't take all of God in. It took yrs. to filter down and it was scary. You've got to talk with someone here. Your mind sounds like it is full of fear, mine bounced back and forth from fear to ecstasy.  Condemnation was heavy. I really believe there was a battle for my mind going on between good and evil. The only verse that comes forth is, "there is no condemnation in Christ" judy

[Kat]

Hi Cory,

I think you are in good company as Paul wrote about the very thing that you are talking about.

Rom 7:14  For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin.
v. 15  For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.
v. 16  If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good.
v. 17  But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
v. 18  For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find.
v. 19  For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.
v. 20  Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
v. 21  I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good.
v. 22  For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man.
v. 23  But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
v. 24  O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
v. 25  I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.

The beast within does not give up without a fight, and it is a battle to the death. This war is in the heavens of our minds, it is a great spiritual battle that is going on and the price is very high. The carnal flesh must die, but it doesn't want to and Satan will try every trick in the book to keep the beast alive in us.

Rev 12:7  And war broke out in heaven: Michael and his angels fought with the dragon; and the dragon and his angels fought,
v. 8  but they did not prevail, nor was a place found for them in heaven any longer.
v. 9  So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was cast to the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.
v. 10  Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, "Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down.
v. 11  And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.
v. 12  Therefore rejoice, O heavens, and you who dwell in them! Woe to the inhabitants of the earth and the sea! For the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, because he knows that he has a short time."

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death."  there is how you overcome, "the blood of the Lamb."  Pray, pray and pray some more, even if you don't want to. That is the battle to overcome the flesh, to always turn to God, it will get easier the more you do so.

Jas 4:7  Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[jingle52]

Cory, there are a few things that I can relate to in your testimony and I too cried out to God to help me through that most trying part of my life. He heard my prayers and sent me to Ray's teachings (which I'm reading and re-reading). I am at peace in my heart now, knowing that God is merciful and loves us all (I've still got a long way to go, though).

The outstanding responses and support of this forum is just unbelievable and I spend hours reading and appreciating the wiseness and effort people take to set our fears at bay when we fellowship here.
God's Love and Blessings to you all! 
Kat, your reply is stunningly clear, Amen to that!

[Dave in Tenn]

Do more fishing.   

[Deborah-Leigh]

One recent dream that I had a guy had a knife to my throat and he said DO YOU TRUST IN THE LORD NOW? and I said yea then the knife kept going deeper then I woke up out of the dream I would always wake up right when I am about to die

You are faithful in the depths of your dreams to extreme terrors of death and evil and three times you are shown that you are faithful right up to your death.

Pro 23:7  For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:

We do not have to like the plan of God which is to give us the experience of having to go through the times of anxiety. It is like feeling that Jesus is asleep in the boat of our lives while we are just about to perish if HE does not do something to save us, or it is like being gathered in a room with the doors locked in fear for our lives and not being able to do anything for ourselves, or in other terrible circumstances that brought David, Daniel, Job, and many others in the past including Paul who experienced great adversity that lead him to recognize by direct experience that brought him to realize and express to us.....

Rom 8:38  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither the lower ranks of evil angels nor the higher, neither things present nor things future, nor the forces of nature,
Rom 8:39  nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God which rests upon us in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Paul KNEW this by direct experience and we are to know this too by the same experience that God authors for us, not us.


Rom 8:35  Who shall separate us from Christ's love? Shall affliction or distress, persecution or hunger, nakedness or danger or the sword?

Paul suffered all the conditions referenced to witness for us that through all such trials, we too shall have to pass to come to the same conviction and certainty that Paul exhibits to come to believe through direct experience and testimony that we overcome evil by the Power and Sovereign Plan and Purpose of God that is His unchangeable Will for us all, and especially for those who believe.

And Yes, "do more fishing"...   for that certainly brings you into the heavenly realm of
Php 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

God knows what and why and how He is causing you to Trust, Love and Prefer Him above all else.   The answer to our conditions of distress is not in the dream but in waking up to God who controls everything and everyone.

Arc

[G. Driggs]

Thank you Cory for sharing your testimony, and everyone else for your responses as it has been very encouraging for me to hear. Thank God for every one of you here at BT! Just when I'm brought to the brink, something like this is revealed and my faith and strength is replenished to be able to continue in "the good fight". I hope an pray it does the same for you Cory.

Act 2:42 Now they were persevering in the teaching of the apostles, and in fellowship, and in the breaking of bread, and in prayers."
Act 2:43 Now on every soul came fear, yet many miracles and signs occurred through the apostles in Jerusalem. Besides, great fear was on all."
Act 2:44 Now all those who believe also were in the same place and had all things in common.
Act 2:45 And they disposed of the acquisitions and the properties, and divided them to all, forasmuch as some would have had need."
Act 2:46 Besides persevering day by day with one accord in the sanctuary, besides breaking bread home by home, they partook of nourishment with exultation and simplicity of heart,
Act 2:47 praising God and having favor for the whole people. Now the Lord added those being saved day by day in the same place.

The verses above describe what is happening here and now at BT and the underlined part of the verses imply (to me) that it is a daily and a life long process of getting saved. Little by little we are crucified every day with Christ. Sometimes I lose sight of this and wish I was were perfect already, but then I'm reminded of these verses.

Rom 5:1  Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
Rom 5:2  By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Rom 5:3  And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
Rom 5:4  And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
Rom 5:5  And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Heb 12:1  Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Heb 12:2  Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Jas 1:4  But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Hang in there bro, we are all in the same race as you, and no one is perfect yet, but we are certainly on our way, little by little everyday!


G.Driggs

[Terry]

Hello Cory i've never told anyone but i've had dreams like that also and like you as i remember it was after i started studing here i can't go into what they were about in detail because they were so revoting so repulsive so satanic and sinful i hated them but i will say they were sexual, and the thing is i didn't know why i was having them because i haven't ever thought on them when i was awake, but i would wake up at night and pray Lord Jesus take these dreams away from me i hated them they were against everything i believed in and so i had them and had them but as i was reading your post i realized i haven't had them for along time without me knowing it God deliverd me of them, i also love to fish especially fly fishing and i love to work in the garden and durning those times is when i feel the closest to the Lord so get your hands dirty and keep a tight line.
God Bless
Terry

[judith collier]

Kat, I believe the Holy Spirit just opened my eyes through your reply with Romans 7;14, vs. 21 and 22. No matter what people would tell me about sin it would always only last for a time and then horrible mind spinning guilt would take over again. I could never justify any sinning in myself because God had been so good to me. That perfection voice would raise it's head and condemn me. I think I am getting it about the inner man vs. the ever present sin in me, not that I won't continue to strive but maybe I will not be as hard on myself and begin to think God had surely given up on me.
This should surely be the beginning of being able to communicate with God more freely and faster instead of staying for long spaces of time away from Him until I could accept myself again. AAh, more humility, more God, more gratefulness, more truth.
I knew this in a way but not like I just seen it today. You know I have always been easier on others than myself, expecting that perfection in me, done in me by myself and not God, not relying and resting in God's work but striving for what only God can give. There were times I quit repenting because I thought I was a lost cause.  With others I knew not to judge but was constantly judging myself. It is hard to explain when this sort of thing happens because you know something on a certain level but you cannot grab it for yourself. It is true, only God can make saints. Thank you, judy