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[longhorn]

Santikos requested " What was Eve's reaction "

Santikos, I could only guess that it was pretty much the typical reply that any women would give. " You gross pig, go wipe ".

Hope this helped

Longhorn

[longhorn]

Ninny

I haven't decided on the main course yet, but I'm thinking potted meat on crackers, cheese balls, miniature tootsie rolls, and ice cold Fresca for appetizers.

Longhorn

[Ninny]

Longhorn...buddy, I KNEW I could count on you for "out of this world" cuisine!!  Potted meat is really gourmet!! yum yum  Just thinking of that is making me see stars! Feeling a little light headed, you know! hehehehe! Now if this wasn't your question and answer thread..I'd ask you if you were planning on putting the tootsie rolls into the cheese balls..again...I know you..hehehe! 
Kathy

[gmik]

  ROFLOL....TMI TMI TMI










*Too much info!!!!

[Astrapho]

Thanks for the answer Longhorn! The brown ants tasted sweet. What a great flavor to add to the almighty muffin. I think I'mma embark on a noble quest to catch a lot of ants and have fried ants for breakfast. Nomnomnomnomnom.

My second question: If I'm stuck on a deserted island (with trees and stuff) with nothing but the clothes on me back and a chicken, how do I cook soup?

[longhorn]

Cypress asked.  " How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon "?

Funny you should mention Cypress.  Sugar from beets or cane is actually more easily transformed into ethanol than corn, which is a starch.  I can tell you from experience that about 14 cups of ethanol will take you places far more distant than the moon.  The last time I tried I must have gone to either mars or oklahoma for a dirt nap, whichever it was, I woke up with a mouthfull of red dirt.......so to answer you're ?, Im gonna say 14.

Cypress asked.  " Why am I not a morning person "

Cypress, consider yourself lucky, mornings are for losers.  Think about it.  You wake up and you're breath smells like freeze dried monkey butt, you have some kind of green hard crap caked all in you're eye's, hairs all matted up like someone whacked you on the head with a candy apple, you stumble to the bathroom to empty liquid that's been perculating in your bladder all night and smells like someone squeezed 2 lemmons over a dirty sock.....not me....I'll just stay in bed.

Longhorn

[jassy]

Cypress, consider yourself lucky, mornings are for losers.  Think about it.  You wake up and you're breath smells like freeze dried monkey butt, you have some kind of green hard crap caked all in you're eye's, hairs all matted up like someone whacked you on the head with a candy apple, you stumble to the bathroom to empty liquid that's been perculating in your bladder all night and smells like someone squeezed 2 lemmons over a dirty sock.....not me....I'll just stay in bed.

Longhorn

Why Longhorn!!!! That was such a poetic answer. I take it back about your dismissal of my answer to Musicman. You bring to mind the prose of Shakespeare. When the characters relieve themselves in long soliloquies.
Makes my heart all aflutter.

Perhaps you will be able to answer the question I have burned to ask a learned soul.
What is the meaning of life?  The answer I was given was 243. It made no sense, Was this person a fraud? Please help.

[longhorn]

The " Let's Ask Longhorn " helpline will be down until Wed Aug 11.  I seem to have lost the toenail on my little toe ( left foot).  Don't recall dropping an anvel on my foot or anything.  Not really sure if it's all that important, I mean I still have my mobility, pretty sure I could kick a football, perhaps even tap dance. I know this is not of National security type importance, but dangit, it's my toenail and I want it back.  That brings up a interesting question........ anybody ever ate a toenail.......... You know you have.

Longhorn

Thought about having a questionaire of " What's the weirdest part of the human body you've consumed "  but figured that might be a Thread Locker for sure.

[Cypress]

  rotflol.

Cypress asked.  " How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon "?

Funny you should mention Cypress.  Sugar from beets or cane is actually more easily transformed into ethanol than corn, which is a starch.  I can tell you from experience that about 14 cups of ethanol will take you places far more distant than the moon.  The last time I tried I must have gone to either mars or oklahoma for a dirt nap, whichever it was, I woke up with a mouthfull of red dirt.......so to answer you're ?, Im gonna say 14.

Cypress asked.  " Why am I not a morning person "

Cypress, consider yourself lucky, mornings are for losers.  Think about it.  You wake up and you're breath smells like freeze dried monkey butt, you have some kind of green hard crap caked all in you're eye's, hairs all matted up like someone whacked you on the head with a candy apple, you stumble to the bathroom to empty liquid that's been perculating in your bladder all night and smells like someone squeezed 2 lemmons over a dirty sock.....not me....I'll just stay in bed.

Longhorn

[longhorn]

False Alarm.......Thought I found my toenail in my sock, but it was a grain of rice. Oh well, the search continues.

Longhorn

[cjwood]

Its a common phenomenon among bull elephants. Its called the Tripodius effect. It happens when they get dizzy, and helps to keep them upright.
Girl elephants dont need it as they are stable and never dizzy but it has been shown that they are impressed by the bull elephants ability to remain upright when dizzy spells strike.

jassy,
that is the funniest thing i have heard in a very long time.


claudia

[judith collier]

Dear Samson, I would like to say a few things but the men on here (if what you say is true) would find 90% of what I say as irrelevant!!!!!!I
BUT, I do think thou doth protest too much!
SOMETHING TO MUNCH ON!----- Women don't really want facts!
I'll ask my husband for his opinion and suddenly he is a walking encyclopedia.
BUT, I suppose I could use reason and think on some of the things you said!

[judith collier]

Longhorn, I would be very afraid to visit the RANCH!!!!!!!!

[Samson]

Dear Samson, I would like to say a few things but the men on here (if what you say is true) would find 90% of what I say as irrelevant!!!!!!I
BUT, I do think thou doth protest too much!
SOMETHING TO MUNCH ON!----- Women don't really want facts!
I'll ask my husband for his opinion and suddenly he is a walking encyclopedia.
BUT, I suppose I could use reason and think on some of the things you said!

Dear Judy,

               I just read your Post to my Wife and She said YES in regards to the " walking encyclopedia."  Women just want to be Loved. As My Wife so often says: Stop trying to figure me out, just Love me. The longer I'm with Her, the less I try to figure Her out. Life is much more peacefull that way. 

                               I still have more to learn, Samson.

[cjwood]

longhorn. your football team is the tx longhorns. i have 2 questions for you:
1.) do you bleed burnt orange?
2.) do you live in the austin tx area?

sincerely,
claudia

[Ninny]

Claudia,
He definitely bleeds burnt orange and he lives at least three days by covered wagon from you!! ha!! That's the way he travels, you know...hehehe!! He leaves on Friday night to go to his mom's house for Sunday lunch!! 
Kathy

[longhorn]

Claudia-  If I lived in Austin, the UT campus police would hate my gut's.  They would have to chase me away from closed UT practices, constantly trying to befriend players and coaches, hanging around for autographs, pictures, and that's just during the week... If given the choice between a year long cruise on a private yatch with a sex deprived Jennifer Aniston or attending 1 Longhorns game a year.......................... The Horns win everytime.... Hook em Horns.

Longhorn

[EKnight]

I am cracking up!! oh this has been fun! Thank you all! I'm not sure that I'm any smarter, but I think my stress level has gone down!! 
Kathy 

Ditto!  What a stress reliever.

Eileen

[musicman]

... If given the choice between a year long cruise on a private yatch with a sex deprived Jennifer Aniston or attending 1 Longhorns game a year.......................... The Horns win everytime.... Hook em Horns.

Well duuuuu!!  If you're gonna spend a year alone on a boat with JA leaving her sex deprived, you might as well do the football game.  What else are ya gonna do with her that whole time?  Talk?

[musicman]

Anyhow, I got a bit of a problem LH.  I know the women of Texas love their hairy chested men, especially unbathed.  Unfortunately, that is not the case down here in North Cuba (well, I supposed the unbathed part is OK).  So today I took the clippers to my front pelt and the teeth from the gadget bogged down on one colossal bank of thick man nipple hair.  Of course I turned the damn thing off but the damage and pain had already been done.  Took me half an hour to cut the device away from myself, leaving a sore bald spot of chest skin.  Now, I have what looks like the result of a fight between two gorillas on some nature show.  And I'm afraid to even try and cut the rest.  If I attempt this using the hedge clippers as I have been advised, the result could make today's pain seem like a vacation at Disney Land for the sake of comparison.  I need help from a true Texan.  You guys sheer sheep and castrate bulls.  How do you do this without causing severe pain and embarrassment to these creatures?