A year later....

[MePogo]

It has been almost a year since I asked for prayers for my husband who was diagnosed with cancer which had spread to his bones and I thank so many here who have been kind and offered prayers.  For almost two years I have cared for him and time has lost meaning.  We've ridden a roller coaster of good days and bad, pain and sadness but every day ended with "I love you."  He has struggled to hang on to see pictures of our precious granddaughter who is now here.  She arrived a bit early and was in NICU for over a week but is now home safe and healthy.  Now the time has run short for my husband and we are no longer counting months or weeks left but hours.  His terrible pain seems to have eased somewhat and he has both smiled and cried when he saw the pictures of our beautiful Cadence Marie. 

It was a horrible day when my daughter was rushed to an emergency C-section and the baby rushed to the NICU and I couldn't run to her and only wait and pray.  My Wayne has been unable to even sit for six months and only lays flat in bed.  For several weeks now he is too weak to speak and tumors have spread to both hips, one entire leg, many ribs and a foot long section of his spine.  But he prayed to stay with us to see his Cadence safely here and his prayers were answered.  Now he feels ready to go and is at peace with his job being done.  I am also at peace now as I can no longer watch the physical and mental torture he has endured. 

I have had lots of bad times in my life (just as we all have ) but one blessing of getting older is we can look back and see that it isn't us in charge of things.  It hasn't been my will but God's that had control all the time.  I can look back on awful times and see blessings and gifts that came from awful events.  I learned patience and the real meaning of love.  I learned that what I thought was best for me wasn't as important as I thought.  God has always blessed me, even when I was too stupid to see and thought I knew what I needed more than He did.  Even these last two years have served a purpose.  My Wayne found Christ.  It two years of increasing pain and disease to make him take time out for God.  Before that he was too busy; too social, too much work to do and too much fun to have.  Life was about enjoying himself and making the most of every day.  He needed to stop and listen.  And me; well I wanted to fight, regain control, fix him, make him well.  Now I give up and God's Will be done.  I wanted control but it was never mine.  We both had to go through this nightmare to realize the truth.  I'm ready to let go and surrender to God's will without a fight.  I still know he is with us and loves us.  And best of all, I trust Him and know that He was guiding us and helping both of us find our way to Him.  I think that Wayne and I are in our last hours together now but there are three of us here.  I feel Him here with us and we love Him as He loves us.  What a beautiful little girl he sent us and it won't be too long before I can see her and hold her.

Love and peace to all,
Pogo

[Dave in Tenn]

Love back to you.  Thanks for sharing.  May the peace of God be with all of you.

[Deborah-Leigh]

Pogo~

It is wonderful to hear from you again. You have often been in my thoughts of peace and good will towards you.
I am so thrilled to hear that your Wayne has been spared to see the beautiful pictures of little Cadence Marie. That is a huge sign of God's Blessing, Love and Mercy towards you all.

Your words as you describe your circumstances now, shine in faith, peace and trust in God that shines brightly in hope and richly in encouragement. I appreciate your sharing.

I know you have been through many things that have challenged you and I thank God that He has and continues to lead you to deeper faith and trust, love and peace in Him.

Blessings and hugs to you all
Arc

[Linny]

Dear Pogo,
May you continue to feel God's unconditional love for you and for your dear, very loved, husband as you endure this trial to the end. You are a blessing to him and your family I know and you are a very strong woman. You all will be in my prayers. 

Lin

[gmik]

Dear Pogo,  your beautiful gift of this testimony has broken my heart and made my heart sing at the same time! My words are failing me right now because of the magnitude of your suffering and your peace.  Know that my prayers and love are for you and Wayne right now.  I think you are the Pogo from an older forum and I found your wisdom amazing way back then.  God Bless you and keep you under His wings thru the next few days and hours.

[cjwood]

amazing testimony pogo. absolutely riveting. i too have thought of you often in days past, and i will continue to pray that you be given strength physically and spiritually in the coming days, hours, or minutes.

love in Christ,
claudia

[Vangie]

I too have thought of you and your dear husband often since I read your heartwrenching posts last year.  I'm blessed and inspired by what you have shared with us now. 

Thank you so much and love to you and your husband.  I look forward to meeting you someday.

In Christ,
Vangie

[Ninny]

Pogo,
I'm glad to hear from you again! I have thought about you and your husband many times since you posted last..
I have been through a lot of loss and pain myself in recent months, but God is always there with us! I'm glad your husband was able to know that grandbaby was born and is well! I pray that you will continue to feel God's love and peace over you... out of the ashes of pain comes joy..Your sweet Cadence will be the joy from your ashes and I pray that she will always be a joy to you! Praying for your strength all the more!
Kathy

[Samson]

Mepogo,

            My Heart goes out to you ! What a great amount of courage you are showing, wish I had half as much. As your lifelong Mate nears the end of His Earthly Course, I feel saddened at your eventual loss. Fortunately, all of us have the Hope of the Resurrection to look forward to. Sorry for the delay in my response, I offer no excuse. This Thread should have been a priority, I don't care to think what it would be like to lose my Mate. God's Will is being Done and all of us know this to be true, but the emotional suffering still hurts. Keep us updated when feel up to doing so.

                             Sorry it had to be this way for you, Samson.

[Marlene]

mepogo, I will keep you in my prayers. I think of you often.  As you know God is with you all. He never leaves or forsakes us even if we think he does.

I am so glad that you can feel is Presence of Love for you and your family. I am so glad you have a new grand-daughter. I am sure she will bring much joy even in hard times.

In His Love,
Marlene