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[ez2u]

 WE have been doing repair work on our home, much needed and i had a brilliant idea of having someone do the tile work in our  bathrooms  in exchange for room and board.  well the work he show me was not the same work he did and we had to stop him and hirer someone else. ( after he moved in).  the lies he tells is terrible    i have told him several times to get a job and he has told us he had a job borrow my car for the drug test and never went to work.  now the resentment has set in and no one wants him here He told me he has no where else to go, but his mother and  step father lives in a city close by.  I feel bad because i don't want to not be charitable to this young man  but we don't want someone living off us  not working  while everyone else does.  I am discussing this with you all because what if we are wrong and do a great injustice to this young man.  please pray  i need it  peggy

[Roy Martin]

Hi ez2u,
 I hope you don't mind me commenting from lots of experience in this matter.
Of the billions of people on this earth, there is just a handful of human characteristics.I'm very familiar with the character in this young man just from what you have said about him. To get straight to the point is this; you can not help someone that won't help themselves. It will become an injustice to you and delay him from finding out that he has to stand on his own 2 feet.
 If someone is showing great incentive to help himself then its a good thing to give  help, but I think you will find out the hard way that you will be used and taken advantage of in more ways than you might expect.
 Its good that you have a heart that wants to help.
The character in this man is that of someone that see's everyone as a victim, a source to supply his wants and needs, a quick fix sort of thing because he knows his time with you is short lived.
 Don't think I'm putting him down. I'm simply identifying his character to you so you will know what lies ahead in your jester of a good heart and intentions.
 Perhaps this is one of Gods ways to humble you, but as you know that getting humble has a price, but also worth it.

Peace
Roy

[judith collier]

Amen Roy. When resentment sets in it's a red flag something is wrong.

[Craig]

I'm sorry to say but I have become hard-hearted to people.  Like Roy said these characteristics are all to prevalent in today's world.  I only help those who God seriously puts it on my heart to help, those who are trying to help themselves, and those who cannot help themselves.

I own a small business who employs students for summer help.  The ones who are working to put their own selves through school are almost always the only ones who are worth employing.  The ones who are looking for gas money or have parents who give them everything are not worth my time.  They hardly work, call off for anything that interferes with their social life and quit with no notice.  And anytime you just give someone something it ruins them in my opinion.  Example, I have one employee who for the last several years has been the top of the heap, they come from a financially tough home life but are rising above it.  This year they found out that their father may be eligible for Gov. benefits that will also pay a large part of the college expenses.  It was like a light turned off and their work ethic went downhill.

I live in one of the poorest regions of the country.  Times are tough for many, but show me a family who is down and scraping by, but working two or more jobs to stay off public assistance; and I'll show you a family that has a hard work ethic and people who care for and take care of what little they have.  Flip the coin over and you will see people who do not try to work, who won't work when they have a job, and their belongings and possessions are as messy as the rest of their lives.  I listened to a story on the radio last week, a woman had a brother in his 50's almost ready to lose his home and be out on the streets, she had been helping him financially for her whole life while her husband worked 2 jobs.  Her brother recently had a job and quit in 3hrs because he refused to cut his hair.  And she wonders if she is wrong to continue helping him?....Hello!

I know God has them where He wants them, and I could be their myself.  It is for that reason that I am able to have any compassion at all for them.  But having compassion and enabling is two different things.

Craig

PS  be carefully in replying to this as I don't want it to turn in to a political debate or cause strife.  If it does I'll remove my post or will lock it.

[Deborah-Leigh]

 
Last year, we felt sorry for a person who over stayed his welcome where he received full board and food for the exchange of theft, lies, abuse of our property and deception of our clients. I put him to work only to be wrung out of my wits when every day the till was short. Eventually this person impacted on peace in the home and began to cause damage not only on our home life, but also in his person, that he decided needed no attention at all. It was awful and after he left, he still caused us grief by telling our friends that we owe him money and he borrowed/stole, money from our staff!
I was at first going to rent out the cottage that we kindly let him occupy for a few days that became more than several MONTHS! What good people we WERE! Past tense!! I have  put my staff who work in the shop in the cottage now! That seems to work better for now.
 
Arc

[ez2u]

wow  what a wake up call  thanks everyone for sharing  i get the picture  now it pretty clear  he needs to leave.  thanks everyone i really appreciate your input  its hard sometimes to divide the line  but now i see.  peggy

[Ninny]

Hi Peggy!
I'm glad you are not going to let your sweet heart of compassion blind you to what the truth is here!
Everyone has given you wise counsel! I speak from experience..I am one who tends to let people walk over me and take advantage of me! Don't  let this guy cause you undue stress...don't let him play on your sympathies...you're a wise lady...you know the difference between helping and enabling!
Love you!

Kathy

[Marlene]

Peggy, I have been down that road and it is not good to enable some one. Stick to your guns.

In His Love,
Marlene