Things People Have Actually Said In Court

[arion]

(Note;  I've redacted a couple of words but use your imagination)


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
that morning?

WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No , I just lie there.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory
at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
you forgot?

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do..

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?

WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.

___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you sh****** me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting ****
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death..

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a
fight.

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did
you go to?

WITNESS: Oral...

_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
___________________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No..

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law.

[daywalker]

ROFL 

[Stacey]

Funny stuff! 

ROFL = Rolling on the floor laughing

Bump = Its used to move a topic or post to the top of the page, could use any word or no word at all but it is bumping the topic to the top for all to see before it gets buried to deep.

[Vangie]

Rolling On Floor Laughing

Bump is a way to put a topic at the forefront without actually making a comment.  You just want to "bump" it up so others see it now as an updated topic.  Making a comment on a thread does the same thing.

[Vangie]

Stacey explains "doin' the bump" much better than I! 

[darren]

Man Arion that's some funny stuff. That last one killed me.
Darren

[grapehound]

Priceless Arion !
Absolutely priceless !
ROFL.

Grape x

[Cypress]

LOL

[daywalker]

Thank you guys. I got sick of trying to creat ideas in my own mind, haha. NOT a good things.
Blessings friends

Here, this should help you in the future; I'd add it to your favorites. 

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,6474.0.html

[musicman]

I can't stand the use of "lol" any longer.  For instance:

I went out last night, lol.  Oh really?  It's that funny"

I got rained on, lol.  But you're dry now?  Not too funny if you ask me.

I can't drive, lol.  Funny to you, not funny to the rest of us.

I have food poisoning, lol.  Now that's funny.  I'm laughing at your misery.  Just stop using lol.

[Stacey]

  Three smilies could be the same as LOL, OH NO  I used lol, oops there it is again. 

[Stacey]

Janine did you lol at me? hehe. I just don't get why folks do not like it. Really. I've heard it before from other people that they don't like the Laugh Out Loud thingy.

it amounts to nothing really I guess but Ima keep using it.

[Stacey]

Well. I think the OP - Original Poster shared with us more than a few things that probably some of us (me for one) did actually laugh out loud at and that's a good thing every now and then. Laughter is good medicine, most of the time.

Thanks Arion!

[Shawn Fainn]

Wow.. That was great. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile.

[iris]

    


Iris

[onelovedread]

I laughed until tears came.  This is some funny stuff. Thanks for sharing. I have not had a good laugh like this for a bit

[Astrapho]

trololololololololololol

[judith collier]

daywalker, THAT was funny!!!!!