Rays sense of humor...

[jerreye]

I just read this today, it is kinda funny, but most importantly, it is SO true....Ray really nails "mainstream theology" here in one small paragraph:

"I remember well the teaching of Mr. Herbert W. Armstrong on the subject of the final destiny of those thrown into the lake of fire.

His study went something like this:

"All have sinned (scripture, scripture, scripture),
but Christ came to die for sinners (scripture, scripture),
but those who reject Christ's sacrifice will be thrown into the lake of fire (scripture),
from which there will be no salvation [NO scripture!]"

I learned a lot from that study."

From: http://bible-truths.com/rapture.htm

[daywalker]

I found another great line while re-reading Ray's tithing article. I didn't check to see if someone already posted it; if so, I apologize...


http://www.bible-truths.com/tithing.html

"Now then, is there a Scholar alive anywhere on earth that can explain to us how this one single unparalleled and never-again-to-be-duplicated event, is Scriptural proof that Christians should give 10% of their annual salaries (not the spoils of war, but their money, their salaries), not once, but year after year after year, not to Melchizedek, but to Clergymen who claim to be ministers of Jesus Christ? If anyone can see a similarity here, I will show him the similarity between an elephant and a fruit fly."

LOL 


Daywalker 

[Ninny]

Daywalker, that one is very good!! I like it!! I'm smiling!
Kathy

[Extol]

lol elephant and a fruit fly. This thread could go on for pages and pages and I wouldn't get tired of it. 

[Samson]

Hi All,

        I was reviewing some of Ray's Emails and Answers from the front page of the Site, the questions and answers on "Tithing" in particular and found this remark, thought it was pretty good and appropriate. Read below !



[Ray Replies]

Dear Confused:

(This is beginning to sound like a "Dear Abby" column). Sorry, but I don't know your name.

Don't let the charlatan preachers of prosperity give you an inferiority complex over your spiritual standing with God based on how much money you give to these men with insatiable appetites for worldly possessions and all that filthy lucre can lavish on their carnal flesh.

That's not to say that there are not legitimate expenses in operating a church congregation. However, these expenses need to be met with FREE WILL OFFERINGS. That is how ALL the expenses of the early New Testament Church were met. Tithing was NEVER taught by the Apostle Paul to the nations.

I have a whole paper on my site entitled: "Tithing is Unscriptural Under the New Covenant." Subtitled: "The Fraudulent Fleecing of the Flock"

I personally do not belong to or attend any institutionalized church. I am, however, a member of the Body of Christ which is The Church of The Living GOD. There are no monetary obligations to belong to God's Family of Believers, however, one must be willing to sacrifice his all in service and obedience to his Lord.

Your true fellowship and communion is with God the Father and your Lord Jesus Christ. If anyone wants to put a monetary price tag on that fellowship, RUN! You do not have to buy an orange dress to feast at God's Table.

Sincerely,

Ray

This is beginning to sound like a dear abby column, Regards, Samson


/color]

[Joel]

I liked Ray's replie in a email I just read.
Dear---- no, no, and no

[bpenelli]

The last two audios of Ray's 2007 Nashville Conference have many humorous moments but one of my favorites starts at the 15:00 mark of http://bible-truths.com/audio/Nashville07_7B.mp3; he was talking about why Jesus was always being followed by huge crowds of people:

"To be healed....and free meals, and I bet the fish that Jesus multiplied were reeelly good!"

[Marky Mark]

Rays ultimate TV listings to babylonian spiritual enlightenment.

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,6110.0.html

[AK4]

I dont remember if this was already stated but heres another one talking about the will of the Father.

"The church cant wrap their brains around it. They cant walk and chew gum at the same time....spiritually speaking".

[Dave in Tenn]

Rays ultimate TV listings to babylonian spiritual enlightenment.

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,6110.0.html

Never seen that one.  I'm sure he could have added a few more.   

[daywalker]

After reading this old email, I had to resurrect this post 

"Splitting someone's head open with an electric guitar is against the law
even if there is no specific law stating that it is illegal to split someone's head open with an electric guitar.
Am I going too fast for you?"

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,2720.0.html


Daywalker 

[GinaMilan]

From Lazarus and The Rich Man:
(http://bible-truths.com/lazarus.html)

Parable of mote in brother's eye (Lk. 6:39-42).

   "Now why are you observing the mote in your brother's eye, yet the beam in your own eye your are not considering?"

Comment: A beam is a long piece of timber. How is it possible to have a long piece of timber in one's eye? I know people who could fit it into their mouth, but eye, never.  


From You Fools, You Hypocrites:  
(http://bible-truths.com/fools.htm)

Jesus did not go around speaking as if He were a performer on a Shakespearean stage.


From Does God Learn?
http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,8831.0.html

I know He knows everything.  But does He know everything because He learned it all? 

[cjwood]

If anyone wants to put a monetary price tag on that fellowship, RUN! You do not have to buy an orange dress to feast at God's Table.

this statement by ray is hysterically funny.

claudia

[GinaMilan]

"Do you actually talk like you write? Weird!"

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,9106.msg76132.html#msg76132

[daywalker]

"Do you actually talk like you write? Weird!"

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,9106.msg76132.html#msg76132

Hahaha, WOW.. I just read that entire email [technically, two].... O my gosh! Ray was right "WHAT A CROCK!" It sounded like the guy was trying his very best to sound super-intelligent, but clearly he's not. From beginning to ending--junk!

Daywalker 

[daywalker]

http://bible-truths.com/23-minutes-in-hell.html:

"So Bill would have us believe that he was both out of his physical body, (which he left on the dining room floor in California) and in his physical body in Hell, which he said was just like his real body. Would that make his Hell body an Unreal body, or a spirit body, both of which contradicts that he left his real body back in California. So one of Bill's physical bodies was in Hell, while Bill's other physical body was at his home in the living room, and his physical body which was "...just like his real body," was also a "spirit body." Will the real body of Bill Wiese please stand up? What a crock!"


Now, THAT is my new favorite!

Daywalker

[Morten]

haha, yeah i loved that one two daywalker.

this is another one

"So why should it seem strange that from this point forward, my attitude is becoming totally incredulous toward Bill's fantastic journey to "Neverland?" Uh, I mean to "Neitherland,"--the "Neitherworld."

Why do you not start with standup Ray?;P

[GinaMilan]

haha,  We're having so much fun aren't we!

"I'm sure the Lord must have rolled His eyes and said 'I can handle that one'".
No God didn't roll His eyes, but I can tell you who is rolling his eyes at this very moment."

(From " 23 Minutes ")

[GinaMilan]

From 23 Minutes:

I won't take the time to go through the absurdities of Bill's retelling of this story like who for instance, how many of you believe that even a judge would be carrying around $25,000 in his billfold? Since when could fining a girl $25,000 for a traffic violation, be called "justice?" That's crazy. I guess Bill thought that Increasing a $100 fine two hundred and fifty times, to $25,000, makes for a better story. Never mind the fact that it also makes for a bigger liar. What was it that Bill said about it being "...impossible for me to EXAGGERATE...?"

[Extol]

From 23 Minutes:

Nowhere do the Scriptures show that when a person dies, that God's time has run out with that person. Maybe if He had a little more time (a few more days or months), He could have persuaded so and so to repent and learn righteousness. But fate apparently threw God a curve ball and God struck out when just another pitch or two might have yielded a home run (pardon my metaphor).