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Woes of a wedded wanderer...

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Extol:
Hi brothers and sisters,

I'd like to request prayer for my marriage, which is not doing so well. Last summer I married someone I had just met, and (not surprisingly) we are having issues because of things we didn't know about each other. I won't go into details, but we just haven't been getting along well recently.

I've been a cheerful, happy, carefree, light-hearted person. I like to laugh, smile, dance, say Hi to strangers...but now I feel depressed and as if my spirit is being crushed. I never would have guessed that marriage would be the thing to do that. I thought marriage would have increased my joy.

Obviously, I know that this episode is a part of God working all things after the counsel of His will, and I trust that good things will come from this, and that it will be beneficial to my spiritual development. But I need prayer for wisdom and patience. I don't want to be carnal-minded and think things like "If only I had done this or that differently, then we wouldn't have gotten married..." I want to embrace the challenge and press on and overcome. I can't do it without Christ.

grapehound:
Extol,
Bottom line bro' is that nothing is done without Christ.
He's the reason we're here.

It's no consolation to you, I know, but I've been here three times, and they were only the 'legal' ones. 
Whatever you 'decide' to do, will be the right thing.
It may not appear sometimes, to be the right thing, but rest assured, nothing can thwart His will; in all things.

Ray tells us that God's IQ is over 150. (and some!)

Remember that your feelings, all of 'em, are just that; feelings.  That's all they are; feelings.
Because we are emotional creatures, ( ask any advert' executive ), they loom large like mountains and giants, over us! But they're really just feelings.

I pray for your understanding in this.
Let the mountains melt and the giants fall, and 'His Peace', that passes ALL understanding, be in your heart, for now and always.

Luv Ya Bro', hang in there.
Talk with Him


Grape x

Nan:
I will add you and your wife to my prayers.

lostANDfound:
i think every married person has their "challenges" and it sounds like you have a good attitude in recognizing that God uses them to educate us.  i find it valuable to pause every now and then to take stock in what God has accomplished, however small it might seem when stood next to all that you hope and pray God WILL accomplish.  I LOVE THAT GOD HAS A PLAN!  i find it easy to get stressed out whether i look ahead or behind me. but the big burden of all the change ahead of you is God's burden.  and the trail of small changes behind you are God's work. (small changes to the world, huge to your spiritual development). 
running down a "thank-you God" list can help realign your brain as well.  thank God for this forum, the internet, the bible in readily available print, "free time" to learn more, the enormous gift of prayer, the enormous gift of holy spirit.  not to mention the unique qualities about your wife that you can be thankful for, even it requires some serious thinking to come up with them.  ???thank-you God that she is not a pyromaniac...so far??  thank-you God that she sometimes cooks...even if it's only kraft dinner, and only once a year for our dog's birthday and the dog gets to eat it all.  i dunno!  :)
i pray that someday you will be able to earnestly thank God for the wife He has given you. and also for the strength, wisdom, patience, long-suffering-ness to overcome whatever is ahead for you. 
...yes i know that's not a word! 
 

hillsbororiver:

Hi brothers and sisters,

Hi Extol,

I'd like to request prayer for my marriage, which is not doing so well. Last summer I married someone I had just met, and (not surprisingly) we are having issues because of things we didn't know about each other. I won't go into details, but we just haven't been getting along well recently.

Right off the bat I got a sense you found her to be an irresistibly desirable, attractive woman, so much so you were "willing" to throw caution to the wind and not wanting to risk losing her you sought (or succumbed to) commitment. No doubt I could be totally wrong here but that is the first thought that came to mind when reading your post.

I also suspect that either she is not a believer or if she is your beliefs at this point in time do not coincide... So my friend, you have your work cut out for you. Take heart in the fact that often that first year is the most difficult one, especially with two independent type personalities used to making their own decisions and fending for themselves in a manner that has perhaps become routine.

Routines can often prove to be very difficult to break or adjust to without the attending anxiety.

Maybe it is just realizing how deep a commitment was really made has given you, her or both of you a sense of "buyer's remorse" not really due to discovering any horrible attributes of one or the other (or mutually) but that marriage is every second of every day, it is not just going out dating and having fun (like the "good old days").

The mundane tasks required to maintain a home, the inconveniences inherent in attempting to adjust to each other's schedules, idiosyncrasies, expectations, etc. is a real effort at times. There is also the issue of family and friends, neither of you can expect the same sort of freedom in regard to how you spend time with them as you have in the past, it is time to seek compromise as each of you put the other first...     

I've been a cheerful, happy, carefree, light-hearted person. I like to laugh, smile, dance, say Hi to strangers...but now I feel depressed and as if my spirit is being crushed. I never would have guessed that marriage would be the thing to do that. I thought marriage would have increased my joy.

Dear Brother the best marriages just as the best of anything takes time, effort, as well as trial and error but most of all it takes a willingness to sacrifice a moment or two of our own convenience to the ultimate goal of making this union work.

I am now nearly 57 years old and a very late bloomer maturity wise... headstrong, selfish and a pleasure glutton in my (not too distant) past I eventually learned to listen more, speak less (especially emotionally and self righteously) and have empathy for my wife and the things that concern her or have more importance to her than I can actually really relate to. It is work, it is difficult but if you can persevere the reward can be better than you might imagine at this time.   

Obviously, I know that this episode is a part of God working all things after the counsel of His will, and I trust that good things will come from this, and that it will be beneficial to my spiritual development. But I need prayer for wisdom and patience. I don't want to be carnal-minded and think things like "If only I had done this or that differently, then we wouldn't have gotten married..." I want to embrace the challenge and press on and overcome. I can't do it without Christ.

Amen!

My prayers are with you both.

Peace,

Joe 

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