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Author Topic: QUOTED WISDOM  (Read 1097 times)

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Samson

  • Guest
QUOTED WISDOM
« on: July 26, 2011, 02:38:14 PM »

I thought that the below comical quotes of wisdom were pretty good, maybe you will too.


Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'
-   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
 
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
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I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath
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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields
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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
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Don't worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
 
                                   Enjoy, Samson.
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Deborah-Leigh

  • Guest
Re: QUOTED WISDOM
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2011, 03:39:49 PM »



Thanks Samson~
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onelovedread

  • Guest
Re: QUOTED WISDOM
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2011, 04:38:34 PM »

I especially like "Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat." This Alex Levine sounds almost as smart as Ray ... just kidding:)
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G. Driggs

  • Guest
Re: QUOTED WISDOM
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2011, 10:51:04 PM »

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

How true that seems sometimes.

Good ones

G.Driggs
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