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JohnMichael:
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. God did answer them because today I am feeling much more encouraged in mind and heart. God even took it one step further. My mom asked me today how I felt what happened, and I got to tell her about how my illness affects me, how it isn't laziness but exhaustion, without getting the usual, "Oh, give me a break. You have it so easy." attitude in response. After I told her, she said, "I didn't realize how badly it affects you. I will make sure your Dad knows. I don't think he realized it either." God softened their hearts. Praise be to Him!

You know, I was shown something about myself throughout this. I was/am using my earthly father's harshness toward me as an example of our Heavenly Father deep down, in my heart. After years of hearing these hurtful statements from my earthly father (since I was about 10 years old), my heart started expecting the same treatment from our Heavenly Father. Use the example of an abused animal. When it is taken from the horrible environment and placed in a new and loving environment, it is still leery and afraid that it will receive the same treatment as it did before.

Though I have the head knowledge that our Heavenly Father IS Love, and all that we go through is because He LOVES us, for the purpose of our betterment, my heart (being exceedingly weak) still views Him in fear - afraid that I will bring His wrath and indignation and disappointment - that He would lash out at me like my earthly father.

When you have the backdrop of this situation, it is hard to read and fully believe with the heart those passages of Scripture, such as:

Luk 12:6  Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?
Luk 12:7  But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Mat 6:26  Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

Luk 12:24  Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?
Luk 12:25  And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit?
Luk 12:26  If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest?
Luk 12:27  Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Luk 12:28  If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Rom 8:1  There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Rom 8:38  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Rom 8:39  Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Hopefully, God will change my weak heart to not view Him, deep down, in this light any more. Maybe the purpose of this was to bring this to light, so God could change it. Here's hoping!

Thank you all again for your prayers and encouraging words. They are more precious than I can express. God bless you all.

In Him,
John

Ireland:
Hi John. I get it and am praying now. You exhibit such a genuine, sincere nature that is very refreshing. I can see Christ being formed in you through your posts. I am convinced that no matter how down we get and how we feel about God sometimes. He is dragging us into the net so to speak. There are so many times I have not felt spiritual or mature, but I am still going. That could not be by chance, but it is him that is finishing the work. You are not going to be taken out of his hand. He has started the work and he will finish it. You are turning into a wonderful work! God bless you John

hiratnz:
Hey Bro i wont tell you about my stories about being brought up they will blow you away but i will indeed pray that the Hand of the almighty God be upon you in what ever your needs are and also upon your whole Family this i ask in Jesus Name Amen

TRUTH281:
Hey man. I'm 21 and finishing up College this semester. For me the school is the biggest stumbling block because it takes up not only school days but days off as well. So its like I hardly ever have 2 or 3 days to just study the Scriptures. School takes up too much time, but its something that needs to be done. Be patient brother. Quietly ask yourself, "what does the Father want me to do in this situation. And what would Christ do if he was in my position." Look forward and be optimistic for the day you begin your job out of college. Its probably then that you will have days off and be able to spend hours and days reading the scriptures and fellowshipping with the Father and Christ. And witnessing as well.

Joel:
I pray God will bring his peace to your abode. :)

Joel

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