So, I spoke with my dad and I spoke with my school counselor and on thursday I have a meeting with a health professions adviser. What I've been told by friends is shes going to tare me apart, this adviser is, and that she's going to tell me theres no chance in hell that I'll get into med school.
Well, my bio counselor already told me, that I won't get into med school with my current grades. I have a 2.7 GPA, and i'm told because it's so competitive that you need a 4.0 gpa to get in. Hah... right.. never gonna happen.
So i'm not the brightest tool in the shed, but I've got heart, does that count for anything?
My father told me, with what seemed to be not very much re-assurance in his voice that there was still a chance, but i'd have to go out of the country or maybe go into dental field.
So I guess I'm posting here to get this off my chest. It somewhat weighs on me, rather heavily to be honest, but I feel like somepart of me knew this moment would come. Atleast I THINK some part of me did. I knew my grades were not strong, I can honestly say I've tried very hard, i'm not ashamed in the effort I put into all my classes. If I could change anything it would probably be the hole I put myself into right off the start when I went straight out of highschool and into community college without caring for school, in fact, I did not even want to be in the classes I was taking. I was still in that highschool mentality of school is just a giant playground. That time period in my life, about two years, really hurt my gpa because I was just in school because its what you did, I had no desire to learn and had no direciton. Go figure, leave it to alex to decide two years after poor peformance to embark on what is probably the most rigerous most difficult profession one could possibly try... I could have perhaps spent a little less time playing games here and there too. Oh and yea, definitely got rid of some of those horrible teachers I had along the way which really didn't help me, but aside from that, these past four years, i think i've really tried my best.
So I guess its all in God's hands, like it always was right? Well now it definitely is but that still leaves me wondering...So After I get destroyed thursday at the advising session and told that I'm a complete failure, I think ill feel a little better because Ill be told something I already know >.> So where do I go from here? You all know I don't really know what else to do with my life, you all know I even restled with this choice of career. but this was the only road I embarked on, the only direction I saw worth taking and I Just don't know what to do. So what I am going to do is keep moving forward... even if there's no chance in hell according to everyone Ill get in because I Just don't know where else to go. Part of me is scared because... well, I can't quiet see what God is doing and even though I know in my heart I never had any control in the direction of my life, it's a little scary when you feel like the future is slipping away and God is okay with that. :/
It has been very hard to say these things because.. well a lot of them are personal flaws. I tried my best but I screwed around two years at community college which really put me in a hole gpa wise and I had poor study habits cemented from a life of no studying going into a career that requires perfect, flawless ones. It's also hard to admit at times that I played maybe one game to many when I should have been studying. Yet for all these things I knew, I was unable to change. I really tried hard and that's where I'm not upset with myself. I also think anyone who calls me smart...is just....... silly. I'm not smart, I'm just a guy with a desire to great for what he could accomplish.
Well thanks for reading, I guess I'm hoping to find some sort of inspiration, something from God. Maybe it will come from someone on these forums. Some really nice scriptures would help right now.
P.S. If anyone says something about me being depressed I'm going to throw my computer out the window.... I kid.. but seriously.. don't. Just because a guy shares how he's feeling doesn't mean hes depressed. Sure i'm a little upset with myself, A little scared, embarassed that I don't have the ability to get where I wanted to go and that I Will most likely let my father and grandfather down, not that I was ever doing this for anyone else, even them, but that does just sucks on top of all the other suck. >.>