HELL DESTROYED MY LIFE

[Craig]

Hello Ray,

I'm taking the time to send this email to you because I hope that you will receive it, read it, and that it will help you to feel good. I read that you are sick, and I know it is very hollow to say, but I'm very sorry for you to have to face such a terrible thing as cancer. But, I want you to know that what you have done through your website and your articles is a very good thing, and I appreciate it very much. I will make this short so that it doesn't take a lot of time for you to read.

1-I know how terrible cancer is because first my dad, then my poor mother, got cancer. Both of them are "not here" anymore. I'm no saint, but I would like you to know that I really am so sorry that you have to face it and I wish that I could do something to help you.

2-I love my mother and dad. I never had the desire to get away from them, like a lot of other people seem to have. I was always happiest when I was with them. My mother and dad don't have money, but we did everything together, small things that were a lot of fun. My dad was a WW2 veteran and he got a small pension, but when he "left" they took it from my mother and she had to live on $1000 a month. She had no money to buy dad a stone, and no money to pay off the estate. It was terribly hard for her. I wish that I could have done something  for her, and for dad too. The God or Jesus Christ that my mother tells me about is nice...I never heard anything about this torture stuff. She tells me "it's all about kindness, Robbie, you have to be kind to people." She says "For all of it, the good and the bad, thank you God." Maybe she's not perfect, but her and dad are perfect to me. Ray, when my dad "left", it was terrible but I managed to survive it with my mother's help. When mother "left" it destroyed 99% of me. I lost all my faith too. That's when I found out what the Christian God is REALLY like. You see, two weeks after my mother "left", I went to a Christian minister and asked "how do I know if my mother is OK?" He told me she could be suffering in hell if she didn't forgive somebody, and then he pulled out a Christian pastor's near death experience to prove it to me...and then he said that there was no way to know. It's a much longer story, but this destroyed the remaining 1% of me. I went insane, and I'm not exaggerating. Then along came the new age, and other people told me that my mother and dad are reincarnated as somebody else, and I will never see them again and I should just grow up and accept that.

The end result is that I don't know if there is any God or not anymore, but if the Christian God exists I don't want anything to do with him. I hate him, but I'm still terrified of him. How can somebody be terrified of something that they don't think exists? I don't know, but that's how I live now. I was a productive, talented and happy person. Now, 60 months later, I barely exist...in fact, I don't exist, I just eat and sleep. Sometimes I put the plate of food on my knees and look at it, and I cry because I know that I'm not worth the food that I eat. I can't accomplish the smallest tasks anymore. I live on a merry go round of one bad thing after another...one time I will be destroyed by the thoughts that there is no God and no purpose for anything...then it will change to being totally terrified of hell to the point of being out of control...then it will change to thoughts of my mother and dad being somebody else and never seeing them again. I live in an existence that is not worth living in. Many times, it is too much, and I have researched committing suicide, and have almost done it on several occasions. I don't know how I am still alive. One reason I have tried to stay alive is because I know it would be so disappointing to my mother for me to end it that way. I would like to get out of this mess, but there doesn't seem to be any way, and so I now think that maybe this is how I am doomed to exist...in a world where I am not sure of anything, terrified, and alone. My sister and brother don't have anything to do with me anymore either, they say I am too sad for them to be with me. Nobody ever phones, and nobody ever comes over. I'm not able to work and make money anymore, so my wife works and we barely survive financially, I don't know how we will make it financially through this year. It's a longer story, but my wife left me as well, but she came back. I want you to  know that I'm not looking for pity, I'm just saying what my situation is. This is what death, the Christian God of endless torture, and the new age, has accomplished.

3-The last thing I want to say is that I want you to feel good about your website, articles, and videos. That's the real reason I am writing this email to you. Even though I struggle just to exist, I try to read and watch them. You have done a lot of good, Ray. Don't let the crazy people of this world give you a hard time, they're the ones who are crazy, not you. I also want to say that I am very glad that you are blunt and straightforward. Do you know why I say this? I'll bet you don't, so I'll tell you. It's because I am so physically and mentally weak now, that I need someone who is equally as strong as I am weak, to balance out my weakness. I can't defend myself against these terrible people, and when I see your videos, it helps me at least some, to hear and see you strong and determined. Your strong convictions and language, offsets my weakness. That is partly how I have survived. And I doubt that I'm the only one like this. Don't let anybody tell you that you are too "forceful" because you are not. There are some people who need you to be diligent, strong, and forceful...I'm one of those people. That's because we are so weak ourselves, we need somebody as strong as we are weak, to be our voice. You have been my voice, and I thank you for that.

Thank you for everything, Ray, you have been a great help to me in my struggle to survive. I wish you all good things, and I wish you could be well, not sick. I hope you get this email, or that someone will at least print it and read it for you. If you would like to put my email on your website as a testimony, that's OK with me, just please take out my name. Let these people see what their God and their philosophy has accomplished. The problem is that even if they see it, it won't do much good. They'll just blame me, not their nutcase God or their bizarre philosophy.

I wish you all good things.


Dear Canadian Reader:  I am glad that sent me your e-mail along with your fears and frustrations with the established Church, and the pains and sorrows of every day living.

I am sure that God has afflicted me so that I know from reality the difficulties that people face, rather than just having a philosophical sympathy for the poor and wretched of this world.  You have done well to hang on to your sanity, as many have not been able to cope and have indeed ended this life to escape the problems that are beyond our ability to solve.

I encourage you to continue to read the material on our site, and God willing He will allow me to continue writing on themes that have been either perverted or neglected by the Church.  There is so much more material to be covered, but presently, I struggle daily just to battle two kinds of terminal cancer and a new steel hip and joint. It seems to be healing well for which I am thankful for all of God's saintly people who are praying for me here and around the world.  I am so fortunate to have such a strong support team including my wonderful wife who cares for me by the minute. But know that every time that someone like yourself writes us and we post your e-mail, then you too have a worldwide support team, because even though they do not know your personally, they know of you now, and are spiritually united with you and will be including you in their daily prayers.  They will pray:  "And dear God please don't forget to bless and comfort that man from Canada who has been so hurt and frustrated with life and the death of his parents."  Just thought you might like to know that.

We have to learn to live by faith and not by sight.  What we see and feel in this physical life can deceive us into believing that this is as good as it gets.  That is far from the truth.  This is a training ground of many difficult trials and tribulations.  And rather than lead to a lonely death or some hellhole Christian realm of eternal torture, the faithful lives of Believers will lead to a life of immortality in which there will be no more doom or pain or suffering (Rev. 22:1-7).

One good way to get your mind off of the hardships of this life is to be conscious of the hardships of others.  There are many people suffering, and in fear of many things.

PRAY for them, as you pray for yourself.  And pray that God will inspire me to write more Scripture based teachings and will build the faith of those who are weak at heart.

Ask God to allow you to see and feel His presence as others have:  "O give thanks unto the LORD, for He is GOOD; for His mercy endures for ever" (I Chron. 16:34). But in order to believe that we must live by faith and not by sight. And faith is a gift from God (Eph. 2:4-10).  When you get down in your spirit, GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES1.  You can pray at any time, at any place, in any position.  God wants to hear from you.  Read and meditate on Scriptures such as Phil. 4:4-9):

Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is
at hand.  Be careful for nothing [Greek reads: 'don't worry about anything]; but in every thing by prayer and
supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which
passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Finally, brethren, what-
soever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any
praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen
in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

May God comfort you with these words,

Ray