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Author Topic: hard to fit in  (Read 2945 times)

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jerry

  • Guest
hard to fit in
« on: July 21, 2006, 01:36:42 AM »

Ive always found it is hard to fit in,either a church group,forum,home meetings what ever the group its always been hard to feel like I belong,I started off studying with the Jahova's witnesses about 30 years ago which started me on a life of not fitting in,in a couple of months I'll be fifty years old and I still feel that way,the only real family I have is my thirteen year old dauther,and she has told me she feels the same way we live in a small town and the kids at school have always treated her like an out cast,its really hard to take when your child comes home haveing all she can take with the treatment she gets,the other kids tell her she is a freak,geek,she said once she sat down at the table with the kids in her class and they all got up and move to another table,it broke my heart when she told me that and I feel helpless,Its mostly because of our religeous beleifs that she is treated that way I try to make up for it the best I can by showing her lots of love and telling her they are the ones with the problem.Makes me wonder about the kids in Jesus day because he said unless you become like little children you will not enter in his kingdom.Kids are crule to other kids they can be cold and down right mean,kids must have been differant in His day.But grown ups are no differant they're just sneeky about it.I have completly given up on groups,when groups get together sometimes they can act just like those children in my daughters school,I thought a time or two about going to a church like some of the other members to this site has done,but I would just feel like a phoney, I knew when others found out that I beleaved defferant than they did,I would get the look,and the treatment for beleaving differant,and Ive seen enough coruption in churches by the very people that founded them,that I want absolutly nothing to do with organized religeon,I dont trust men not any man,man only wants to be lifted up and praised and beleave you me there are plenty of people looking for people to stroke someones ego.I wonder and ponder often why does God want me to live such a life of exile,my walk has been a lonly walk ecept for one freind in the church..............
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MG

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2006, 04:51:23 AM »

Acceptance is the key for me. I've learned to be my own best friend and I enjoy my own company.
I don't fit in anywhere, but I'm comfortable with myself.

My grandchildren have never fit in at school. They are really different from most kids. They both have chronic daily migraine headaches that have caused real social problems. They are also gifted and that has made them feel very different from other kids. I used to let it really hurt me, but I know God is building their character and molding them into the people that will fulfill the purpose he created them for. It was very hard to tell my little grandson that God was using his migraines for his purpose. I really believe that though. My faith goes beyond what I see in the natural. I've seen God's miracles shine through dreadful circumstances.

I've suffered horribly in my life. I can see in hindsight that it was all to prepare and strengthen me. Being set apart is a painful process and requires strength and courage through faith in God to get through it.

Philippians 3:8
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

I try to keep this goal in front of me.

Hugs,
MG

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mongoose

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2006, 11:41:31 AM »

jerry,  It is hard when people think of you as a freak and avoid you.  From reading other posts, most of us feel that way or have.  You can't help being different and neither can your daughter.  In my life there are only a few, very few, people that I've felt comfortable with.  God made us a variety of ways and I wonder sometimes if it was so we could learn to be more patient.  It hurts when kids are cruel.  They are only doing what they are taught by their parents and our society.  To me, when Jesus talks about little children, I think of really little children....two or three.  Yes, they can be a handful but I rarely see one who cares much for appearances or social status or beliefs.  They mostly like people who are kind to them and want to play with anyone.  Perhaps I am naieve and just thinking that. 

If you are called by God, the world cannot understand or accept.  I am in my 30s and am fortunate to have found a few people who seem to accept me as I am, no questions asked.  They know I'm weird but that's okay with them.  Mostly they're weird too.  I know it hurts.....the only real comfort I might be able to offer is that you and your daughter will one day fit in...when God restores all for sure.  Until then, being able to be alone is a valuable gift.  It doesn't seem that way sometimes but a lot of people can't stand solitude....and that is sad.  I learn more about myself and God when I am alone than at any other time.  And like MG said, you can learn to be your own best friend.  It's becoming who you are meant to be that seems to work best in solitude.  And you are welcome here.  Most people here seem to be sincerely seeking God and His will.  I for one, have always felt that I was destined to be alone.....and this is a long hard road.  But our Saviour walked an even longer and harder road....and He promised to not leave us orphans but to walk with us.  You may not feel Him, but He is right there with you, every single step of the way.  I don't see this forum so much as a place to belong....I don't trust it to stay forever and we are all on our own paths.  But it is a great blessing to have some fellow travelers, whether they are here for a long time or just a little while.  Those who pass through our lives enrich and change us.  Knowing that there are others on similar journies is so comforting to me.

May the love and peace of Christ be with you.

mongoose
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jerry

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2006, 02:01:48 PM »

Thanks MG and Mongoose it helps to have people to encourage and reminde me of the things I should keep on the forfront of my faith,I think I started feeling a little down because school is starting back soon and Im going to have to send her back into the world and all she has to deal with ............Thanks
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YellowStone

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2006, 02:30:26 PM »

This is tough, how does a square peg fit in a round hole? What makes matters worse, I don't even know if I am square or round! :)

I find much solitude and comfort in just being. I have also come to realize that just about everyone feels the same way; sometimes I think those that "fit" just gave up more. Jerry and Mongoose, that Christ is in you is easy to see and it hurts when you have so much love and news to share and no one wants to hear it. My wife and I have a wonderful love, but she has her belief and I mine. She even see's me as different.

But rest assured, you both fit in very well in this forum. Sadly, it may not be all that you are seeking or needing, but please take solace in the fact that your truth is like a beacon at night. I'm not sure if anyone carrying that light will ever truly fit in this world.

Much love to you both and to those you love,

Darren
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ned

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2006, 02:32:49 PM »

Dear Jerry:
I feel for your 13 year old daughter.  I have a 12 year old daughter, and I read her your post and she had these points to offer to your daughter

(from one child to another):
- accept herself
- talk about it
- be friendly (love your enemies)
- join clubs to try to make friends
- pray about it

Does she need a penpal?  My daughter offered to communicate with her (MSN or e-mail)  
PM me if this would interest her.


From me,
Kids are definitely cruel, most of them living for themselves, as is their selfish nature, and have no desire to please others.  Unfortunately, this is just the way it is.

You are at the right place, Jerry, sharing your heartaches with God's children, and I will pray that you will feel His peace in your burdens.

Marie
« Last Edit: July 21, 2006, 05:22:57 PM by Marie »
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jerry

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2006, 03:23:24 PM »

Thanks Marie,and thank your daughter for careing,my daughter never uses the computer except games guess she's not into it much,but I will mention the pen pale offer to her,shes really a cool kid.I try not to make a big a deal out of all she goes through sometimes I think it bothers me more knowing what she goes through than it does her.I tell her not to worry about freinds at school  now most kids her age dont understand true freindship and the unconditional love that comes with it.Thanks for your thoughtfulness............................Jerry
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SherBearMom

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2006, 01:32:54 AM »

Hi Jerry, I can relate to you whole heartedly.  I have always felt that I didn't belong in this world.  When I was young, My paternal grandad wanted nothing to do with my sisters and I.  My paternal grandmother always chose my 2 younger sisters and never wanted me around.  My own father played favorites as well. I wasn't his favorite, but my youngest sister was.  I have cousins & their friends (whom I went to school with) who used to tease me by calling me names.  I was shot at walking home from school.  I maybe had 3 or 4 friends but they weren't best friends.  Even my mother would criticize me if I said anything. I never had my first real boyfriend until I was 20.  I too know all about being lonely.  Before I really came to know Christ, I use to cry all the time wondering why I was brought into this world.   So as you can see, my childhood was horrible as well.  Now I have faith in God thru our Lord Jesus Christ and he has brought me peace, love and understanding as well as strange & vivid dreams. 

Much love & peace to you Jerry
God Bless You!

Sherry aka Sherbearmom   

 
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jerry

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2006, 03:09:20 AM »

Thanks Sherry for your understanding,only people that have gone through hardships in this life can uderstand the things we go through as a child.I too was an outcast from the time I came into the world my mother abandoned me and my sister at my aunts because she could'nt take care of us,they already had five kids,we were the outsiders and treated that way,then at school I was treated badly because I was poor the kids all made fun of my clothes I hated school,but I did have a couple of freinds,You almost come to expect to be treated like that after a while,but now it does'nt bother me except when my daughter brings up her problems with it,she was talking about it again tonight.I told her not to worry about fitting in I said special people dont fit in if they did the would'nt be special.Is'nt it strange how many of Gods people are the dont fit in type,I told my daughter that we are like the stars in heaven created to stand out in the darkness,and one day make them all ashamed.I told her those kids are going to grow up one day and have to look her in the face so continue to be nice to them even when the treat you bad.Thanks for careing enough to share with me it helps to have a place to come and be who we really are and not be ashamed Godly freinds are such a blessing
............Jerry
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chuckusa

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2006, 09:00:02 PM »

Jerry,

Well, maybe if we did/had "fit in" to the world, we would have never gotten to know Christ.

 I see it all around me, a desire to be like everyone else.

 I, for one, don't want to be like everyone else. I tried it once and it wasn't pretty.


My daughter is going through the same thing. She is seen as weird because she doen't lie, loves people and wants to be with her family instead of running around with boys or whatever they do these days...haha

Hang in there, God will send his loving cool rain upon your life and it will all come together. I believe that.

God bless you and your family...from mine!,
Chuck
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jerry

  • Guest
Re: hard to fit in
« Reply #10 on: July 26, 2006, 10:11:30 PM »

Thanks Chuck and amen
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