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marriage woes "divorce"

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gregorydc:
My wife and I have been separated for over a year now. I know the bible says God hates divorce. But he divorced national Israel. Jesus said that the only way to divorce is by adultery. If we are all sinners and are guilty of all sins then all divorces are caused by adultery?  I have looked on this site for a while now and have found very little on marriage. The bible says not to divorce all over the place but it also says not to be unequally yoked also. I am a believer my wife is not, I do not want a divorce my wife does. Is there any scriptural help I am missing on this subject?  I know only God can change someones heart and mind just like he did to king Nebuchadnezzar and all things are in Gods time not mine. If God hates divorce, and it is forced upon you, how, what do you do about it.
lost and concerned
Greg

mharrell08:
Email reply from Ray ():

Dear Max:  There are a hundred good reasons why I don't get involved in counseling people in divorce and remarriage situations and other legal matters.  One ends up in the same situation as Paul called "endless genealogies."  I assume you may be referring to your own marriage with this question?  Okay, so you marry a woman who was not legally divorced based on her husband committing adultery. They just divorced for whatever reasons. Now then, are you legally married to her and is she legally married to you?  Well........has her husband remarried?  Cause if he did, then he IS committing adultery, seeing that your divorce was apparently not legal in God's eyes.  So now that he is married (legal or not) to another and having sex (adultery) with another woman, she could not legally divorce him on grounds of adultery. But you are already divorced, he is now married, and she now married.  Okay, suppose her husband is not remarried and is not committing adultery, then what?  Should she legally divorce you according to the laws of the law, and remarry her old husband if he will have her?  What if he really does WANT HER?  And what if she really decides that she did love him and wants to divorce you now and remarry her old husband?  Can they do that?  (In "God's" eyes?)
     
    What if you die, and your present wife who is not legally divorced because there was no adultery in her first marriage, wants to remarry a third man, and the third man is legally divorced because his wife did commit adultery, can she marry him if her first husband will not take her back, even though he never did commit adultery on her when they were married?  But what if your wife really did commit adultery in her first marriage, but her first husband forgave her and didn't want to divorce her, but she wanted to divorce him, because she felt guilty for betraying him? Can she divorce him if it was her who committed the adultery, and then marry you?  I could go on like this for hours and hours.
     
    It's just more "endless genealogy," and I won't get involved in it. Furthermore, NO ONE will divorce their mate if they love them, no matter WHAT I would say, so this whole conversation is pretty close to pointless.  Furthermore, I don't believe that I have ever had anyone tell me the absolute truth when asking me to "settle" such convoluted marital situations.
     
    Listen:  You cannot UN-ring a bell.  Sometimes it is not possible to go back and straighten out all of the convoluted mistakes we made in life and such things as marriage and remarriage. Repent for what you have done and for what you are and GO ON with you life.  If a husband BEATS his wife, or ABUSES the children, or does NOT PROVIDE food and shelter for his family, or is totally IMMORAL, or DESERTS his wife, or DIES, then the wife is not expected to remained married to such a man if she does not desire, and the same is true she the wife commit these crimes.  Almost all other things are just excuses to have one's cake and eat it too. I hope this has been a little helpful to you.
    God be with you,
    Ray


I only highlighted the portion relevant to your situation, as far as your wife deserting you through divorce. I know it's hard, but there's no need for you to carry around a guilty conscience. And really, neither should your wife...you both have to move on. Sorry about everything Gregory.


Marques

Kat:

Hi Greg,

Here is a Biblestudy on the subject of marriage, maybe you can find some help in it.

audios
http://bible-truths.com/audio/marriage1.mp3
http://bible-truths.com/audio/marriage2.mp3

transcript
http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,5675.0.html

mercy, peace and love
Kat

Gina:
I will pray for you, Gregory.  I'll pray for your wife and kids (if you have any) too. I don't know what else to say other than what Marques and Kat say -- I'm sorry too. 

gregorydc:
Thank God for the three of you for your kind words from your heart and for your prayers, something we all could use every now and then.  I believe I. Made a bad choice when I asked my wife to marry me not looking at her through spiritual eyes and thinking I could help her not knowing that God was the only help for her.  I truly do love her still and both of my children. I still feel guilty for this disaster because of my bad decision it has effects on multiple lives especially my children, but I know searching for the truth in God and much praying is what brought me here and I am very thankful for that.  I still believe that divorce is wrong for forgiveness through love solves all problems. Starting to wander here thank you for the positive notes. One thing I don't quite get yet is this …  if divorce is caused ultimately by God but he only condones adulteress divorce stated by Jesus how is it that so many of Gods children still seem ti divorce or put away for no reason at all,  and seemingly with no remorse or regret?
still curious
Greg

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