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A question for the older men here
lilitalienboi16:
Hey guys... men, mentlegen, sirs, gentlemen.
SO.. I have this SUPER EMBERASSING SHAMEFUL habit.. ill just come out and say it but please don't hate me... masturbation. Pornography. It's something I'm EXTREMELY ASHAMED OF and HATE DOING but I can't see to STOP.
I go from wanting to do it in moments to absolutely hating myself for having done it.
I've been struggling with this for years and it seems as i've reached my nearly mid 20's its gotten WORSE. The desire is far worse than when I was say 18 or 19 and definitely when I was 16.
SO my question is... What on earth do I do?! I've prayed, I've begged God, i'm still struggling like crazy and I feel like it's driving a HUGE WEDGE between me and our Lord. I am so ashamed of my conduct, I feel like such a huge hypocrite in whatever I Do, in even saying I'm sorry and YET i STILL DO IT!! ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!! WHY!?
I am haunted by the saying "Don't say sorry if you're going to do it again." It's so bad sometimes I feel like I shouldn't even pray to God because I'm just a lying hypocrite anyway whose going to keep on committing this sin only to say "I'm sorry" and ask for forgiveness the next second. I mean.. if i were GOd, i'd be pretty sick of me right about now.
I'm mad at paul for saying HE was the worst sinner because if he met me he might rethink that statement. I Mean paul didn't have to deal with easy access to pornography?! Sure.. he had raging hormones maybe at some point but i feel like it's far worse for me then it was for him -.-
So guys.. Gentlemen, sirs, what is the secret?! Can you share your wisdom with me looking back? Is there something wrong with me?! Do i need therapy here?
It's things like this that make me not even want to share scripture or defend my beliefs because i'm such a huge hypocrite I feel like why should I even be talking about God if I can't walk the talk?
Do you guys still struggle with this? Why is it this sin that God feels the need to drag on in our lives? I remember learning about how using the Lords name in vein was a sin and almost immediately dropped the words from my vocabulary and never looked back. Yet this... this................... am I doomed to be haunted all the days of my life with this great shame?
Arrrrrrrrrrrg.
Welp.. share away gentlemen.. share away.
Ladies, feel free to add any stories of perhaps your men and their struggles if you feel appropriate. Or perhaps your own? I don't know.. maybe it's this bad for women too.
Dave in Tenn:
Alex, all I've been able to do is trim around the edges.
I've believed (right or wrong) for a long time that God created us in such a way that perhaps the strongest pull of the flesh occurs when we are least experienced and able to deal with it. It's almost a metaphor--a parable we live through--about how we are plopped down in this life without having asked to be here.
If you're like I have been (and still am to a large degree) you see 'this' in scripture whenever it speaks about 'the flesh' and 'lusts'. I won't ague that it isn't a part of all that. I'l just argue that it isn't the totality of that. I think John has alluded to what I'm talking about.
I'll try to come back later when I have more time. Paul advised to Timothy that he take a little wine for his ailment. There may be some spiritual 'wine' that will help you deal with things short-term. I'm not going to have any 'advice' that lasts forever.
Love to you, my young clay brother. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just.
arion:
Alex;
I just turned 50 this year and there is not 'trick' that I know of to overcome the flesh in any area let alone this one. I think that one of most important things to overcome areas of the flesh is to finally realize that in and of yourself you can't deliver yourself in any way. I struggled a lot in this area when I was younger as well. It wasn't even the act itself that caused me as much shame as the things that went through my mind at the time. At this point I think it is part of seeing our house of sand crumble. It's easy to tell yourself that you have to pray more, take cold showers and avoid the things that may lead to the desire. That may work for awhile but not very long.
It does get better with age but I certainly can't take credit for overcoming anything on my own. The biological clock does begin to slow down in the late 30's and into the 40's and personally I'm very thankful for that. I see these ads for 'male enhancement' on the TV and I think to myself that those guys are nuts to want to take more testosterone, ect. I'm glad at this point not to be thinking about it 24/7 like I was when I was younger. Just know that what your enduring is common to all men to one degree or another.....you don't have an original sin in your body, and it does get better in time. Wish I could be of more encouragement but some things you just have to walk through and it's part of the process.
levycarneiro:
Hello brother,
--- Quote from: lilitalienboi16 on September 19, 2012, 11:17:02 AM ---Is there something wrong with me?!
--- End quote ---
I would say no, you are being perfected into God's image.
I would say yes, you have something wrong as so I do and many other brothers:
"Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world."
1 Peter 5:9
This helps me.
Easier said than done, as everything.
God bless
lilitalienboi16:
John, I never for a second thought you meant to admit to your old age!! But we all know!!! ;)
Dave, I certainly look forward to more of what you have to share. If there is a "spiritual wine" as a remedy, I don't know it! Other than our Lord of course.. but He seems content with me being this way. Sometimes I get scared because I have an idea of where *I* want my life to go and who *I* want to be and not knowing what God REALLY has planned frigthens me at times. What if He's destined me to fall away into this sin and to be removed from Him for this life? I could not stand such an existence.. though I supposed if it happened, I would be completely powerless to change my fate.
Arion, It seems with old age the tendency fades but, I Have seen, in fear, some older men who act worse than I in these matters. That is a scary thought... I don't want to be a slave to this all my life. I grew tired of it a few years ago but it served me little good as I still am here, in a worse state now than ever before.
Levy, Thank you for the reminder. It helps to know I'm not alone but it also doesn't bring me re-assurance that I will be taken out of this state before the end of my life. I would like not to deal with this for the rest of my short existence.. As I said, it drives me to feel ashamed to talk about my faith, to talk TO the Lord at times because I get so sick of apologizing to Him... >.> I know I'd be sick of me if I had to listen to all my apologies over the same matter time and time again.
I guess talking about this really helps alot even if I can't get any definite answers. Just knowing you guys are there with me and dealing with it too gives me some courage to press forward and not be afraid to atleast tell my Lord, I'm sorry... even if he's heard it for the trillionth billionth time by now >.>
Please keep your stories coming, don't be afraid to share guys. I need this!
With love,
Alex
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