Hi space.ace.jase,
Do not be too disheartened, that is a necessary part of overcoming the world, all of our false understanding must be "ground to powder." Don't give up things can only get better and they will. Here is a section where Ray had spoke about this.
http://bible-truths.com/lake14.html --------
TURNING OUR IDOLS OF THE HEART INTO POWDER
In Ezekiel 14:7 we read:
"For every one of the house of Israel [WE {Gentiles} are now the circumcision of God, Phil. 3:3. WE {Gentile believers} are the true Jew, Romans 2:28-29. WE {Gentiles & a remnant of racial Israel} are the spiritual Israel of God, Gal. 6:16] or of the stranger that sojourns in Israel, which separates himself from Me, and sets up HIS IDOLS IN HIS HEART…"
We all have "idols of the heart." Whenever we disobey God, we are giving allegiance to and manifesting idols in our heart.
When ancient Israel turned from God, they too manifested the idols in their hearts by building a literal golden calf idol with which to worship. And what did God do through Moses?
"And he [Moses] took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire [don’t forget I Cor. 3:15], and GROUND IT TO POWDER, and scattered it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it" (Exodus 32:20).
How many understand our Lord’s statements in Luke 20:17-18?
"And He beheld them, and said, What is this then that is written, The Stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the Head of the corner? Whomsoever shall fall upon that stone shall be broken; but on whomsoever It shall fall, It will GRIND HIM TO POWDER."
When we fall on the Stone (Jesus), we are broken. Or as John tells us in Revelation,
"And I saw one of his heads as it were WOUNDED TO DEATH…" (Rev. 13:3).
Yes, when we fall on Christ we are broken, we are wounded (by the "sword" of God—Rev. 13:14 vs. Heb. 4:12). This is our human attempt at salvation. But then we fall, and our "deadly wound [which we received by the Word of God] was healed" (Rev. 13:3), we went back into the world, back into Babylon, thus leaving our first love. When the wound of the Sword of God’s Word that had slain us, is healed, we fall from the love of God, and we again turn our love to the world from which we came.
But here’s the good news concerning this stone. If we are among the chosen that overcome, then the Stone falls ON US, and our spiritual house built upon the sand comes crashing down. And when Jesus falls on us, He GRINDS US [along with all of our idols of the heart] TO POWDER!
Remember we are but "clay" in the hands of the Master Potter, and clay consists of particles of sedimentary silicates of aluminum less than two-thousandth of a millimeter in diameter—in other words, very fine powder. In Ancient Israel, the sin offering, the peace offering, the meat offering, and thank offering all had to be made with fine flour. All of the universe is composed of very fine things.
All of the instructions on what was to be offered to God in the service of the Tabernacle in the wilderness, who was to offer it, and how it was to be offered is not just quaint little stories of history:
"Now ALL THESE THINGS HAPPENED unto them for ensamples: and they are written FOR OUR ADMONITION, upon whom the ends of the world [ages] are come." (I Cor. 10:11).
Christ is representative of all and every one of these sacrifices. And
"Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He [Jesus Christ] IS, SO ARE WE in this world" (I John 4:17).
So, when we read of the fine flour, oil, salt, and frankincense in the Old Testament offerings, we must understand that WE TOO are to be like fine flour—spiritually humbled and ground fine like powder, oil—having the Spirit of God in us, salt—we are to BE the "salt of the earth," and frankincense—our very lives becoming a sweet smelling incense to our God.
Some of the things we must go through seem bad on the surface. But as in all of God’s dealings, what appears at first to be something horribly bad, is in reality, only a necessary stage in the process of overcoming sin and self so as to be qualified to reign with Christ in bringing the rest of humanity into a knowledge of the Truth, redemption, salvation, and finally, glory.
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mercy, peace and love
Kat