letting go

[Headdy82]

I have been on an amazing journey since the Lord has guided me to truths. I understand that I will face trials and tribulations and judgements for everything I do. The one thing I have a hard time with is just giving it up. What I mean is I am a control freak...this is the beast I want to defeat. It is like..."how can I let Jesus manifest himself in me if I don't turn to him and stop trying to control everything! " I know that I cant purge the carnal mind out of me. I know God can. I struggle with this so much because every situation that comes about,  I have the tendency to take control especially in ones that I know I have no control over. Ray has talked about the " beast within" . Now I don't know if I totally understand it all,  but it seems they the little.me is sitting on my throne and mocking me and it doesn't want to back down. Ugh....I need some etification from another true believe that is maybe going through what I am. If I explained it enough to understand.   

[Rhys 🕊]

Welcome Headdy82

Plenty of folks here to help you. Feel free to pm if you want.

Bless you

Rhys

[Headdy82]

Thank you Rhys.   I appreciate that.

[rumpelstiltskin]

It sounds to me like your struggling with the flesh like Paul. I know i for one can relate to this;

Rom 7:14  For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.
Rom 7:15  For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
Rom 7:16  If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
Rom 7:17  Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Rom 7:18  For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
Rom 7:19  For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Rom 7:20  Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Rom 7:21  I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
Rom 7:22  For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
Rom 7:23  But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my me

It may not be helpful , but its a definite struggle

[darren]

After Katrina hit us we lost everything, all we had was the clothes on our backs some in suitcases our trucks and our dogs and one computer. Thank God for bringing that computer with us it was our only communication to the outside. Due to the cell towers down we could not call anyone that lived where we did. when we came back in town our house had a oak tree through the roof and destroyed the house flood waters 10ft.high. so we lost everything we left behind. That's the moment i realized i was not in control of anything. This was a hard lesson. The with being homeless all i could to was cup my hands like a v shape and I lifted them to God and said("Lord I give this cup to You I need Your help I can not do this Please Lord help me and my family with roof over our heads please protect us and gives us shelter. With no savings or money in hand i don't know how You Lord will do this but I truly believe You will. Bam the next day I heard about fema trailers through a friend and went down signed up got one days later. Also The Lord blessed me and mind with food (m.r.e.s.) water and ice plus basic things one would not think are important until one no longer has or can get. IE T.P., soap, cleaning supplies and such. sorry for the long story. but since then I do know when you let go and let God He might not give you what you want but The Lord will give you what you need. Thanks for letting me share my story (Hard to believe but this was the short version.

Darren

[Kat]

Hi Headdy82,

It starts with baby steps. You have recognized that you have this problem, that is the first step. Every time you take control and realize that it is wrong, it's another step in the right direction. Eventually you should come to a point where you hate the behavior enough that you begin to catch it and step by step begin to reverse it.

It is a process and it can be very gradual, not even noticeable really. But give yourself enough time and don't give up and one day you may look back and see a real difference you've made. No it's usually not a quick and easy process, these bad character traits were a long time in the making so it will take time to overcome. Just keep at it and do the best you can.

mercy, peace and love
Kat

[rumpelstiltskin]

John no one was suggesting it is a sin, i was talking about battling the flesh- doing things you don't want to do because God keeps weighing a ten ton truck on your conscience every time you- (meaning anyone) do it. The poster had obviously picked up on this and didn't like it. Who knows if its sin or not, its something they seem to want God to remove.

[rumpelstiltskin]

Were does that specify "cotrol freak"

[Rito1980]

welcome Headdy   thats just self (ego , the inner man) that always wants to have its way. That goes away with time.Just stay focused on God and his word.

[thewatchman]

The good news is that Jesus Christ will break control within you through the trials and testing. 3 years from now, look back and notice the change within you. 

[Gina]

Headdy,

Jesus came to take the things that hold us captive (OUR THOUGHTS, which are not God's thoughts),
c-a-p-t-i-v-e.

You're not feeling at peace because that's part of the process of salvation and you can't escape it.  God does not take us OUT of the world but keeps us from the evil one.  That's Satan. 

Many of us were raised in a "you gotta pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, if you want my vote!" kind of environment, so when you come up against things you can't control, you freak out.  You feel lost, like, what am I gonna do now? 

I was personally raised with the "Christian belief" that, when problems arose, which any sane person would be worried about (problems with debt and expenses, their health, their children and husband), the solution was,

"Well, you just have to put it in the Lord's hands!  Just let Him handle it, dear." 

(Really?  That's what "warring against powers and principalities in high places" means?  Handing it over to God and not doing anything?  Not even thinking about my problems?  That's not what war in the spiritual realm really makes me want to do, I'm sorry!  That's not how my mind works.  The only way I'm gonna feel better is if something's done about it, but God's taking so long!  I better take things into my own hands.  You know what I'm saying?

The question I have for you is, what is the beast in you making you take control of and not let go?  Or, is it too personal to speak about openly?  Which I understand if it is, and I'm not going to pry.

[Gina]

.... continuing...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

God has to grant us the ability to kick the beast off the throne, first, before we actually do it.   You're upset and you're not thinking clearly, so when I'm in that predicament, this is what I do (if I'm not too shaken up to remember to do it)... I say to God, Please give me something to be joyful about and help me solve this problem!  This burden is too much for me and I'm sinking. And then I say, I believe that you're going to give me something to be joyful about and help me solve this problem.  I thank you God for what you're about to do.  I can't tell you all the times that God has answered that prayer.  But I learned it when I was at work trying to learn Microsoft Word after having used WordPerfect for about 10 years.  I was so scared because not knowing it would have cost me my job, and then I worried about how I was going to pay my rent and on and on and on.  Well, I was dead beat exhausted from it and I just finally threw my hands up and said, The only way I'm going to learn this software is if You make it happen, because I don't know any way and no one's helping me!  And the next thing I knew, I was learning it pretty much on my own, but I knew it was God causing me to click this tab or select that option.  I'm just not that smart.  It had to be God.

I still try to control things when I'm in unfamiliar environments or when I want things to go my way, but more and more as a first resort instead of a last resort, I pray, God, I want this to work out, and if this is going to work, you're going to have to make it work out, because I just don't see any way.  Not my will, but Thy will be done.  Amen.

p.s.  We will pray that God helps you solve your problems and gives you something to praise Him for instead of being all tangled up inside.

p.p.s.  http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,14197.0.html

[Headdy82]

Thank you everyone for your comments. This is my story......I made a decision to marry someone before I was brought into truths and into the word,  and he is not a true believer or should I say,  he still.lives in the "world".  God has been in my life my whole life and guided me throughout.  Why did I end up marrying the person I did,  I still dont know. We have two little girls. I'm blessed to have them. My husband lives his life like a single guy and does not involve himself with his family. We keep.struggling with money and he spends then doesn't want to work. I have known my husband since I was 15. I'm now 30 hears old. We were friends and I was totally infactuated with him which wasn't good because I was blind to see all his habits that led up to what I am still going through today. I don't want to struggle anymore. I'm not happy and my kids suffer for his lack of effort and ambition to keep his family a float. So,  do I leave or stay. I have tried to make this work for countless years. And I can only do so much.  His family is oblivious because he lies. He has talked to other women inappropriately, lies a lot.....he tells me I shouldn't worry about what he does. But I do. I do because it effects me and my kids. I turn to the Lord all the time about this. I'm trying to understand what I am suppose to learn out of this. I know that God can change anyone. But it also says that a leopard doesn't change his spots. I wish on many occasions I can be like Jesus and have peace and love in my heart and bear good fruits. I find myself angry all the time at my husband and myself for the foolish decisions I have made. I just don't know what to do because I don't know what I can do to change anything or should I make a decision. I pray for guidance. I have been praying for guidance. I'm impatient, but yet I have waited and
waited.....

[Rhys 🕊]

I'm no expert on such things so I'm not going to pretend to be one here. I'm sure there are many others here that would have advice for you. I will pray for you and your husband. I know it's God's will for the situation you are in. I find myself in a difficult situation at the moment that I will post about shortly. I do find this life difficult and I too wonder about the stupid choices that I have made. I wonder if life would be different now even though I know now that it is wrong to think like that and I shouldn't. I have different circumstances than you but know that you are not alone in your struggles. I pray that God will give you the peace that you need. I'm still a work in progress and so are you.

Bless you.


Rhys

[Gina]

Thank you for explaining, Headdy.  I'm sorry you're going through all of that with your husband.  I've made bad decisions too and kicked myself for years. 

What about your control issues, though.  Is it that you're trying to manipulate your husband into acting like the man he is supposed to be -- through anger outbursts?  And are your children witnessing all of that?  Because I used to do that with my daughter's father.  I kick myself for that all the time.  The reason is, as I'm sure you know, when our children see us coming down on our spouse, they think that we feel the same way about them, or then he becomes the "underdog" in their eyes and they look at you like you're the monster (I don't know how old your little girls are, maybe they're too young to know what's going on and maybe you don't show openly how you feel about their dad the way I did).  I mean, you want to talk about controlling.  I'm so embarrassed to admit that, but I'll tell you what--I don't do that anymore because I saw the damage I was doing to my children. 

In saying all that, I would feel the exact same as you do about the things that your husband is doing.  You have every right to feel the way you do.  And if he isn't providing for you and your children and running around on you like a dog, I'm sorry, but, that means it's time for you to go because I won't support your "bad habits."  But that's me.

If you're absolutely sure there is no way to salvage your marriage, then I would say hey, if you have someplace you can go and can support yourself and your kids and he isn't going to come after you and give you a boatload of grief, and you guys can work out a visitation agreement (or not?), I won't try and talk you out of it.  If what you're saying is true (and I believe you're being truthful) then your husband is worse than an infidel and your leaving would be totally and completely justified in the eyes of God.

[GaryK]

I have been on an amazing journey since the Lord has guided me to truths. I understand that I will face trials and tribulations and judgements for everything I do. The one thing I have a hard time with is just giving it up. What I mean is I am a control freak...this is the beast I want to defeat. It is like..."how can I let Jesus manifest himself in me if I don't turn to him and stop trying to control everything! " I know that I cant purge the carnal mind out of me. I know God can. I struggle with this so much because every situation that comes about,  I have the tendency to take control especially in ones that I know I have no control over. Ray has talked about the " beast within" . Now I don't know if I totally understand it all,  but it seems they the little.me is sitting on my throne and mocking me and it doesn't want to back down. Ugh....I need some etification from another true believe that is maybe going through what I am. If I explained it enough to understand.   

From one control freak to another: it is what it is and it'll change when it changes and you'll control none of it.

Read Ray:

"So why do most Christian hate the fact that God has a plan for their life that is beyond their own control? It all has to do with the unconverted, carnal mind, which hates God, and hates His spiritual Law."

http://bible-truths.com/lake15-B.html


"Absolutely nothing can be "added to or taken from" what is taking place in each and every reader at this very moment. God will either cause you to accept these truths at this "appointed time" in your life, or He will cause you to reject these truths at this "appointed time" in your life, and your "will" is not "free" to do either. It is all of God! The circumstances are already set in motion which will bring about God's desired intentions. Individually, however, each one will have perfectly reasonable and rational reasons for his or her decision.

Those who accept this Truth will have rational reasons to voluntarily do so. Likewise those who reject it will have equally reasonable objects (to them they will be reasonable) for not accepting what they are reading. Amazing, isn't it?"

http://bible-truths.com/lake15-D.html


You're going through nothing more than all of us have or will go through at some point.   Relax about it, give it time.  You'll see Ray's explanation of scripture is true.

[GaryK]

Hey is that you gk?  Wasn't Horseman your moniker from times past?  I like it and your avatar.  Reminds me of John Wayne (after Duke died I stopped watching movies).

Duke had a nasty faced macho dog in the movie 'Hondo" and also in 'Big Jake'.  The good old days.  I look around today and see a world full of wimps.  Makes you want to spit.   

[Headdy82]

Thanks everyone. To shorty, I do try not to show any anger in front of my kids. I find myself getting out and walking more which helps. I find myself talking to the Lord and venting to him a lot. A lot!  I know I just need to be patient and just relax. Ray has such great spiritual truths that have helped me. But I know I still have a carnal mind which imprisoned me in certain situations. It is just hard going through it. Just wanted some etification from fellow believers. 

[Headdy82]

I meant ray revealed some good truths that I have been guided myself from God.

[Gina]

  Sounds to me like you've been very patient.  I'm really sorry you're going through that.   I imagine you feel trapped.  I really hope that if you do have to dissolve the marriage, that you and your children will not be burdened by guilt or worry in any way, shape or form.  Who knows.  Maybe he will come to see the light and feel sorry for the things he has done and you two can become friends again.  Marriage is so hard.  I truly commend you for sticking it out as long as you have.

Anyway, Ray spoke about this very subject in his Destiny of Women study:

Let's go back to Ephesians so I can clear something up really fast here.

Eph 5:22  Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
v. 23  For the husband is the head of the wife....

How? To lord it over her, to be the boss, to crack the whip, to insult her, to have her walk 3 paces behind him, to cover her face with a veil in public, like the Muslims?  Is that what it means?

Eph 5:23  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
v. 24  Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

This is not as bad as it sounds, it is not nearly as bad as it might sound to you women.  You are subject to your husbands, in the same way that your husband and the church is subject to Jesus Christ.  Now let's ask ourselves is that a bad thing?  That the church should be subject to Jesus Christ, is that a bad thing?  Well of course not.  First of all it puts Jesus Christ in the seat of responsibility, He has to love, provide and protect His church.  Is that not comforting? 

What is the analogy of the husband to the wife then?  The same thing.  The husband is to love, provide and protect his wife.  This is a beautiful thing!  This is not chauvinistic and there are lessons to be learned for both.  Men should learn the finer traits of femininity.  Women should learn the virtuous quality of masculinity. 

The perfect balance in all of this is Jesus Christ, who created them both.  If Jesus Christ created man and woman, male and female, don't you think He drew upon something to come up with what they are?  The creation came out of the mind of God.  So there is no inequality there.  They are both to learn.  Just because the man is over the wife and the wife is subject to the husband, is not a degrading position anymore than the church being subject to Christ is a degrading position.  It is a very honorable position.  Can we not agree on that? 

But I know what some of you are thinking, 'but you don't know my husband, he ain't no Christ.'  I do know that.  But Christ will deal with your husband if he uses or abuses you or whatever.  By the way, there is no law in the scripture that says a husband can use and abuse his wife and children and she has to put up with it.  The husband is not the god over the woman and she has rights. 

You know it says, except for fornication, she be put away, you that commit adultery (Matt 5:32).  So is that the only thing that can dissolve a marriage, adultery?  Well actually it doesn't say adultery, it says fornication and if you're married, you can't commit fornication, I mean not technically.  If you're married you can only, technically, commit adultery you see. 

But the word fornication comes from the Greek word 'porneia,' like  pornography - porneia. 
It can mean a whole host of sins - immorality.  If a husband will not provide for his family, Paul said he's worse that an infidel.  I mean he's worse than if he had no religion at all, worse.  That's immorality, that grounds for leaving your husband.  If he abuses the children, that's porneia, that's grounds for leaving your husband.  If he beats you, that's porneia, that's immorality, that grounds for leaving.

Now don't try to stretch your mind as to how thin you can take that.  Like, 'he said a cross word to me, I think Ray was saying that would probably be porneia.'  No, I'm talking about real abuse.  You don't need to stay in an abusive relationship, where you are beaten, where the children are abused, where your husband runs around like an ally cat, those all come under porneia - immorality.  So God did not stick you in a situation that would be sheer hell and allowed no way to get out, He did not. 

I hope that helps you feel a little less burdened and a little more edified.  God bless you and yours, Headdy.

Gina