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So I want to go back to Babylon now! Why?

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Rhys 🕊:
I haven’t gone too church now for over 3 years. It normally has not bothered me not having fellowship with other Christians except lately over the last few weeks part of me wants to go back. I feel such a battle going on it just drives me crazy.

I know what the church represents and Satan’s throne being there so I wonder why I would want to go back but then I realise anything would be better than feeling the constant despair and depression that I feel at the moment.

I’ve been too a few churches around here and get asked a lot to come back and why I am not going to church. The church I liked the most of the ones I went to has just built a new building and will be opening soon. I get asked to come along but I don’t want to but then part of me says go along. I use to be the worship leader they’re playing guitar and singing, which I don’t do now. I miss it a lot. The people there were always so loving and encouraging to me, seems hard to turn my back on them. Explaining to them why I don’t go is never easy, sometimes I feel to share some things I have learnt now or feel to be quiet about it. It’s never easy either way. Sometimes I wonder if it would just be easier to go back.

I get so confused over it all but God’s word says

1Co 14:33  For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. (MKJV)

So I wonder why I get so confused with it all. For years I had no interest but know part of me pulls me back to it. Can’t handle this despair I feel at the moment. I hope it will pass but I just don’t know.

I’m glad to have the forum and get involved as much as I can but it’s just not the same. These feelings just seem to get worse and worse every day and I wonder why I have to feel like this. Why can’t I just have no interest in the church now and just move on in God. Seems pretty easy when you think about it so why isn’t it?

Was talking about it to someone today, was thinking God help me to get out of this and why did I put myself in this position anyway. I just said well I have to go now so off I went  wondering if that was the right thing to do or not.

In guess we are all at different places so I might be sounding rather silly to some and that’s OK if I do. Sounds a bit silly to me, you would think I would know better now. Maybe I don’t know how to handle people questioning me about it all the time or just don’t want to deal with it. From being so involved to nothing becomes hard to explain to some people. I would imagine they go away and pray for me for becoming a backslider. You know the stuff- please brother come back into the fold, we miss you so much, you can’t go on without fellowship and so on. (Why must I keep bumping into these people?)

I wish I didn’t feel like this now, as I didn’t a little while ago. I thought I was past all of this, for it to return like this seems unfair and I’m being tormented for some reason. Maybe I have mental problems for feeling like this. It’s like I go a bit crazier everyday constantly asking God what’s going on here. Can’t handle the feeling of taking 1 step ahead in God and then 2 steps backwards. I have to say it makes me feel awful. I know it’s hard but does it have to be this hard.

I have other people to see and hang around with but most are not believers. I guess there was something in the church that I liked or thought I needed. Something of God that I don't feel now. I'm not exactly sure what it is or why I feel this way now.

I don’t know if I need prayer, advice or just bang my head against the wall a few times. The wall sounds a good option to me as long as it’s not too hard. ;)

Well thanks for reading my rant and wasting 5 minutes of your life ;D. It’s not all bad in my life but this is just something at the moment that is a struggle for me so wanted to share the good news. I was just about to delete that line “good news” but then thought maybe it’s good to go through these things even though it does not seem good at the moment. We all have our struggles and I would imagine most of mine fall short of what others go through.

I think it helps me just in writing this even if I confused everyone now.

Thanks to everyone for your encouragement and love towards me. It’s very much appreciated by this struggling wretch of a man. ???

My love be with you all in Christ Jesus. Amen.

Rhys

cjwood:
hi rhys.  i was about to (finally) go to bed but thought i would check to see what was happening on the forum.  i am glad that i did, because i got to read your rant.  which was not a rant at all.  it was the truth.

i personally am thinking that your desiring to go back into the churchy/babylon is two-fold.  1st fold:  you are having a hard time trying to explain in words what you know in your heart to be the Truth, to those who ask why you are not attending church anymore.  kind of like if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.  2nd fold:  you are missing the social aspect of attending a church.  lots of warm bodies sitting around you conversing and singing and listening together.  but, that is all about emotion.  not the Truth.  which is in your heart.  which God graced you with. 

but rhys, sometimes one of the hardest truths to comprehend is that the path to righteousness is INDEED narrow.  and often times lonely because it is so narrow.  but the Truth that God's Holy Spirit has shed in your heart is WORTH that.  and so much more.

well dear brother so far away in new zealand, but as close as a click away, i don't know if any of this has helped you.  hopefully it hasn't hurt you.

i now MUST go to bed.  it is 3am/cst in austin.

continue to pray, and pray, and pray some more.  Jesus Christ is as close as your breath.

claudia

thewatchman:
It does supply a social need with in us. My favorite part was the cup of tea afterwards catching up with friends. And hospitality, shared and received. I loved it. I don't fellowship like that anymore and I still love my old friends. We still connect over facebook, but by and large, my church upbringing was a wonderful time for me. I just have a different calling now. I couldn't sit through bad music and teaching for a cup of tea I could make at home.  In fact the idea of doing it would make me feel physically sick. I imagine myself sitting through it and judging everything and I don't like the idea of how I would feel being so judgmental. Not very attractive and not showing the fruit of the spirit. 8)

arion:

--- Quote from: Rhys on February 10, 2013, 04:48:17 AM ---I know what the church represents and Satan’s throne being there so I wonder why I would want to go back but then I realise anything would be better than feeling the constant despair and depression that I feel at the moment.
--- End quote ---


Lk 5:39  No man also having drunk old wine straightway desireth new: for he saith, The old is better.


The above scripture is describing what your going through right now.  We know that God has to work in us both to will and to do of his good pleasure and that is without question.  The church 'stuff' that we used to do and enjoy is pretty much all flesh based even through all the beautiful songs and stirring anthems as well as of course all the people and things that we did.  True fellowship of the spirit is a much higher plane than that which we enjoyed in our old churches. 

In spite of the music and friendship in their churches the fact still remains that they don't believe what you believe as they teach and believe that God is going to torture most of humanity in real fire for all eternity, ect.  Regardless of the smiles and warmth you may feel from them if you got up before them and told them what you really believed about all of these things do you think they would still extend the hand of fellowship to you?  They would throw you out on your ear and shake the dust off their feet thinking you to be a heretic.

I emphasize with your angst but can two really walk together unless they be agreed?  If you attempt to go back to one of these churches one of two things are going to happen.  Either your going to be sucked right back into the Babylonian system or you'll be disgusted with it and want back out.  You won't be able to sit under the preaching and hear all the lies that are spewing forth from the pulpit.

Obviously we are no better than they are and we all pretty much believed what they believed at one point in our lives but can one really go forward by falling back?

 

Ian 155:
everyone I talk to does not buy our "gold",I too get into a place where "can this be right "?
Must be ... "the few and the many"

keep strong and do not faint

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