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wanting to take vows... till marriage is possible

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adiamondintheson:
My daughter has been separated from her first marriage for over a year now, but is not legally divorced as of yet.  She and another man are wanting to marry and do not want to wait till her divorce can become legal.  They want to share vows with each other, and she wants to take his last name... of course none of it would be legal... they want myself and my husband to witness.  There was a post a while back that kind of dealt with this sort of thing... I've looked and looked and am not finding it.  If you can think of what it might have been or anything pertaining to it... I'd be so grateful. :(
Connie

Kat:

Hi Connie,

I could only find one email that pertained to this, but maybe it will help.

http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,7413.0.html --------

There are a hundred good reasons why I don't get involved in counseling people in divorce and remarriage situations and other legal matters.  One ends up in the same situation as Paul called "endless genealogies."  I assume you may be referring to your own marriage with this question?  Okay, so you marry a woman who was not legally divorced based on her husband committing adultery. They just divorced for whatever reasons. Now then, are you legally married to her and is she legally married to you?  Well........has her husband remarried?  Cause if he did, then he IS committing adultery, seeing that your divorce was apparently not legal in God's eyes.  So now that he is married (legal or not) to another and having sex (adultery) with another woman, she could not legally divorce him on grounds of adultery. But you are already divorced, he is now married, and she now married.  Okay, suppose her husband is not remarried and is not committing adultery, then what?  Should she legally divorce you according to the laws of the law, and remarry her old husband if he will have her?  What if he really does WANT HER?  And what if she really decides that she did love him and wants to divorce you now and remarry her old husband?  Can they do that?  (In "God's" eyes?)
     
    What if you die, and your present wife who is not legally divorced because there was no adultery in her first marriage, wants to remarry a third man, and the third man is legally divorced because his wife did commit adultery, can she marry him if her first husband will not take her back, even though he never did commit adultery on her when they were married?  But what if your wife really did commit adultery in her first marriage, but her first husband forgave her and didn't want to divorce her, but she wanted to divorce him, because she felt guilty for betraying him? Can she divorce him if it was her who committed the adultery, and then marry you?  I could go on like this for hours and hours.
     
    It's just more "endless genealogy," and I won't get involved in it. Furthermore, NO ONE will divorce their mate if they love them, no matter WHAT I would say, so this whole conversation is pretty close to pointless.  Furthermore, I don't believe that I have ever had anyone tell me the absolute truth when asking me to "settle" such convoluted marital situations.
     
    Listen:  You cannot UN-ring a bell.  Sometimes it is not possible to go back and straighten out all of the convoluted mistakes we made in life and such things as marriage and remarriage. Repent for what you have done and for what you are and GO ON with you life.  If a husband BEATS his wife, or ABUSES the children, or does NOT PROVIDE food and shelter for his family, or is totally IMMORAL, or DESERTS his wife, or DIES, then the wife is not expected to remained married to such a man if she does not desire, and the same is true she the wife commit these crimes.  Almost all other things are just excuses to have one's cake and eat it too. I hope this has been a little helpful to you.

    God be with you,
    Ray

loretta:
There is an obvious distinction between being legally divorced under the law of the land and being legally divorced under the law of God.  As Ray so clearly articulated, as the elect of God, we are subject to the latter. No compromise on that.  I can't believe it is so simple as that.  For years, I have researched the subject of divorce and remarriage in the church and have found opinions ranging from the bizarre ( divorced people who remarry should return to their former spouses and bear the consequences ) to the outright immoral sanction of divorce and remarriage.

Joel:
Jesus was pretty clear on the subject as recorded in Matthew 19. And as he said in verse 11, "All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

19:3- The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
19:8- He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
19:9- And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Joel

G. Driggs:
Adultery and fornication happens spiritually in the mind and heart first, before the physical act. A person can be married and never divorce, but they can still be an adulterer. Likewise a person who has never had sex can be a fornicator.

Mat 23:26  You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and of the plate, so that the outside may be clean also.

What good does it do to do the right thing when inside I'am so dirty? I'm not pointing my finger at anyone. This is something I've asked myself and God a lot. I know it doesn't hurt to do the right thing, but if it's just for show God will know.

Like Scriptures say "REPENT" to which Ray agreed with from Kat's post.

Rev 2:20  But I have this against you: that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess [claiming to be inspired], and who is teaching and leading astray my servants and beguiling them into practicing sexual vice and eating food sacrificed to idols.
Rev 2:21  I gave her time to repent, but she has no desire to repent of her immorality [symbolic of idolatry] and refuses to do so.
Rev 2:22  Take note: I will throw her on a bed [of anguish], and those who commit adultery with her [her paramours] I will bring down to pressing distress and severe affliction, unless they turn away their minds from conduct [such as] hers and repent of their doings.
Rev 2:23  And I will strike her children (her proper followers) dead [thoroughly exterminating them]. And all the assemblies (churches) shall recognize and understand that I am He Who searches minds (the thoughts, feelings, and purposes) and the [inmost] hearts, and I will give to each of you [the reward for what you have done] as your work deserves. 

Jesus only taught in parables, (as did the Apostle's) but the high priests of Christianity teaches us to interpret Scriptures literally. Spiritual adultery, fornication, drunkenness and idolatry runs rampant in the Church. God will judge and save all eventually. And from what I understand the teachers will have a stricter judgment.

Maybe this is for another topic, but what i want to know is, which is worse? The spiritual sins committed by the thoughts and the heart, or the act? Or are they equally bad? Seems like a silly question to be asking, but I'm truly confused.  ???

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