Good sharing....... i have never had much in the American dream way, but God had protected amongst the wolves........ and
then He chose to work me over...... He made me crave truth and let me see myself and be unsettled with my flesh and in
asking for His help, guidance, work in me---- He made me to ask Him to clean house and what a dangerous thing to ask
the Living God, but then, He is the one that made me ask! For we have no good in us to desire God, He DRAGS us or we
wouldn't be seeking Him!
Life for the past five years has been just short of living hell. It could be A LOT worse, I realize! God has seen fit to protect
the health of my children so far. He has made me physically weak and made life a relentless trial...... like putting out a new
house fire each day, knowing that there is a hidden ember that will flame up tomorrow....... worn and weary, hanging so long
that at times I just wish to not exist, to never to have existed....... brings a person to the end of themselves, but then if God saw
that my flesh was sufficiently stripped, then He would let up...... He hasn't.......... and even in this, I see that God has used
what is needed for me...... I am fearful and respond quickly to things..... trained by a fierce earthly father to be obedient
OR ELSE! So I marvel and am grateful that God has not brought tragedy -- like the suffering and death of a child -- yet.......
and I consider these things and realize that whatever He brings, He is still worth any loss and any price........ but day by day
I have not learned to be properly thankful and joyful because the heat is so intense........ I falter in my ability to have consistent faith that God will provide and protect and/or that WHATEVER happens IS His will and that I WANT His will ABOVE ALL things!
I know this with my head and want to be obedient, but in each instance of trial, it is hard to grasp and endure.
So if life has seemed good, just know that is God's will for now. Life seemed good for me for a long time...... sweet babies--
the best thing in my life....... but they are growing old now and life has changed....... If God wants us, He gets us in whatever
way He knows is necessary. If I have to live, i would rather suffer now and have Him for the ages, than have my way and
do my thing and learn these lessons later, the harder way....... don't ever want to end up living for now and putting Christ
second fiddle-maybe He knows that if He gives me ease in life, that I would loose focus on Him.
At my new job, I see that just a few very unhappy and nasty people, really dispise me because I am honest and forgiving.
They see it as weakness and it perplexes them as well.
It makes them mad that I am helpful and don't rip their head off when they act like a rabid dog. Frankly, years ago, I
would have done so, but God won't let me. So there are subtle ways that God's work in us- makes us aliens in this world
and rejects. Seems hard to get ahead when I want to help everyone and be fair to all....... again, God's work.
We all will get our turn (sometimes a LONG turn! - if it takes so) at some point in this life or the next, but not necessarily
for 20 yrs straight, not necessarily now, maybe later........ it is interesting how God works differently in each of us.......
wonderous and marvelous God! ~~ (rambling on and on......) Jayle