Confession and Forgiveness - When, who and how?

[rguzmanl]

Hi All,
First time posting in maybe 3 years. Anyway, glad to be back. Hope to hear some thoughts on some stuff I've been personally struggling with. I'll obviously continue to pray on these matters, but could use some feedback from some like-minded folks. Anyway, here goes..

So, I'm dealing with two separate but similar situations.
1 - Do I need to personally forgive someone who has done me wrong? And more importantly, is it necessary to "forget" as well? In my heart, I've already forgiven this person, however, I find it very difficult to trust that person again, and even interact with them in any way especially when this person has a long history of being untrustworthy. This person is obviously not yet a brother/sister in Christ, so what say you all? I think it's also key to note that this person has not repented, hence Matthew 18:21 comes to mind. It's also a family member which makes things very awkward during reunions.

2 - I know that I must confess my sins to God and repent, but if my sins are against someone (knowingly or not - For example, Let's say I stole a chocolate bar from someone, ate it, and that person never even noticed), must I also confess to them? The only verse that comes to mind on this matter is Psalms 51:4. Even though David had a man basically killed to have his wife, he proclaims that against God ONLY has he sinned. Thoughts?

Sorry for the long OP. I hope to hear from some of you. If not, I'll continue to pray on these matters. Any feedback is appreciated.

[Extol]

Howdy Guz,

Yes, you need to forgive people who do you wrong. However, you're under no obligation to interact or trust such people. In one of his studies--I think it was the one on love--Ray talks about how he was not unequally yoked with his neighbor. He had agapeo love for his neighbor, but there was not a phileo-love connection. As an example, Ray said he and his neighbor would sometimes borrow tools and ladders from one another. But that was the extent of their relationship. They didn't go out to lunch together or anything; they were not equally yoked, because the neighbor didn't believe the truths of God. So yes, forgive people, but don't feel bad for not running up and hugging them at the family reunions.

Here's a nice short e-mail that sums it up:

http://www.forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,2468.0.html

Dear Tom:
Yes, we are to forgive everyone. The easiest way to do this is to realizie the YOU could have been Hitler, had God chosen to have you born in his home to his mother, at that time.  I assure you, that neither I nor you, would have done any differently than Hitler himself.  Hitler will have a major problem in FORGIVING HIMSELF once the truth is made plain to him.  I am still embarrassed by some of the stupid things I have done in my past. I try not to think of them--it's depressing. Thank God we are FORGIVEN!
God be with you,
Ray

[rguzmanl]

Thanks Extol. I've forgiven her, but I have had zero inclination to rekindle my ties with the person. However, I wasn't 100% certain that it was the Godly manner to handle the situation. Thanks again.

[Rhys 🕊]

This passage is a good help in the areas you mentioned. We all make mistakes and is difficult to do the right thing all the time. Bearing with one another is not easy and at times it can be more of a challenge than what we want but God knows what He is doing through it all and as you continue in Him and His truth love for one another builds. Grow in the truth with thankfulness and you will find yourself less in those positions where it's hard to know what to do. This is what happens to me and I continue to find it more true. It's His work in us and we can only be thankful for what He is doing and will continue to do.

Col 3:13  bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Col 3:14  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Col 3:15  And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Col 3:16  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Col 3:17  And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

This is what I saw in Ray, he put this into practice and the truth shined through him. I find now that everything happens for a reason and when you see it you rejoice more in His truth.

Don't give up on this person even if for the moment it seems best not to do anything else as they can change and God willing you can be good friends again, has happened to me with people.

Blessings

Rhys

[rick]

I find now that everything happens for a reason and when you see it you rejoice more in His truth.

There is so much truth in that statement, every experience we have is caused by God for our benefit even when it seems like a curse.

Nothing happens in our life that wasn't intended to happen and for this cause we should fear and tremble knowing God gives us even our next breath. 

[Farlsborough]

This is a very challenging aspect of Christian life for me too, I'd love to hear what other people's thoughts are.

Essentially my mother, who brought me up to love God and certainly was a great mother by most standards, left my father (when I was at university) to move in with a man she had been having an affair with for about a year. My parents inevitably divorced and are both re-married, my father first to a Christian lady, my mother to this (non-Christian) guy.

Now, she has repeatedly apologised for "the upset I've caused you", but never for the act of adultery or leaving my father - she clearly feels justified in this. I don't think she'd say "it was right", but she at least feels it was her choice and not for anyone else to criticise.

Now, I believe that, whilst it was her choice to do those things, equally she was always going to do them. I can also see where problems in her childhood have led her to being vulnerable to such temptations.

But how do we respond to people in such scenarios? Say, "you never had a chance, you were always going to mess up like that, so don't worry!". It somehow doesn't seem fair (or true) to say "you had free will, you could have done otherwise", but equally I feel that (as Ray has said on numerous recordings) she will give account for those actions (as will I, for my actions). It is for God to judge, but surely we must still stand by what we feel scripture says about sin?

Difficult!

[Dave in Tenn]

Scripture says a LOT more about sin than "thou shalt" and "thou shalt not".  And the Lord's Righteous judgments are about a lot more than "guilty" or "not guilty".

[Ian 155]

Now, I believe that, whilst it was her choice to do those things, equally she was always going to do them. I can also see where problems in her childhood have led her to being vulnerable to such temptations.


Difficult!

Im inclined to say that Your moms "shadow" will bring you healing.... honour them, even though you may see fault (they may have meant it for evil) God meant it for a greater good.

Like you said "I can see now" that was meant  - so since you "picked" that up or it opened your understanding, be grateful - God has expounded on something someone else done and impacted you, thru those actions.



One never knows what they are going to be used for or how they are going to be used... I can tell you this, whatever it is It is Always,  for a Grand Purpose - 

[rick]

Hello Farlsborough,

what comes to mind is ( God tells us to love our enemy ) how much more should we love our mom ?

Your mom is still your mom regardless, honor thy Father and Mother, for this is good and acceptable to the Lord.