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Need Prayer
Jeff:
Hi, My name's Jeff and I've been visiting bible-truths for many years, reading, and then re-reading, everything Ray has written. I've been a member of the forum, years ago, but after Ray passed, it seemed futile, and I wandered away. I knew that it's anything but futile, because where will I ever find anyone who understands me, if not here.
I've come back here because I need prayer. That sounds very selfish to me, but in the end only you will know how to pray for me, because only you will understand how to pray. I'm here with a broken spirit, in a state of repentance, asking your forgiveness for that selfishness, in desperate need of prayer. I know that God has forgiven me.
I'm going to try to keep this brief, so if you're willing to pray for me but have questions, please ask.
Five months ago a significant relationship ended. I'm 56 years old and it's the only time I've ever given my heart to someone completely. When I write that it sounds silly, but I've been tormented by this situation for five months, and I'm reaching the point of breaking.
Every five minutes of every hour that I'm awake, I'm praying to God to:
A. Please fill me with your Spirit...
B. Please restore this relationship...
C. If it's not your will to do that, please release me from this torment...
D. If it's not your will to do that, please take my life. Let me sleep until you return.
Either he's silent, or I'm not listening rightly.
This isn't just a matter of sadness over a lost relationship - we've all experienced that - I have many times. This is something more, and it has to do with my relationship with God. He often brings circumstances into our lives that are meant to drive us to our knees. I understand that and am on my knees, both physically, and in my heart. I submit to God.
I'm getting to the point where I can't function anymore. Anxiety and depression are taking their toll and I need help. It seems to me that God wants me in this state or He would change it. Maybe asking for prayer is part of this? No church would know how to pray for me.
Either I'm missing something important or this suffering is necessary.
I only ask you to pray for wisdom and understanding for me. I'm at the point where I don't care to exist anymore and that both scares and comforts me. In that sleep I'm free of pain, but I have to assume that it's God's purpose to show me something. I just don't seem to be able to see what that might be, or the time hasn't come yet. Ultimately I just want it to end. I don't know how much longer I can bear this. This isn't normal for me. This isn't something that normally would cause me anguish so I have to believe there's something going on, something God wants me to understand.
What am I not seeing?
Thank you so much - in advance.
Jeff
Rene:
--- Quote from: Jeff on August 24, 2015, 09:52:32 PM ---
I'm getting to the point where I can't function anymore. Anxiety and depression are taking their toll and I need help.
--- End quote ---
Welcome back to the forum Jeff.
I will pray for you, but I also would encourage you to seek help from a medical professional if you are suffering from anxiety and depression to the point that you are having problems functioning.
René
Jeff:
Thank you Rene.
I've had so much therapy over the years, and I am seeing someone now, but nobody understands the spiritual aspect of this. I can't go to a church and ask for guidance, they won't have any idea how to help me. While it's true - in part - that it's a mental health issue - if you take the physical into account - in the end, it's really a spiritual matter. It has to be. Therapy isn't the answer, and if not God, then I'm lost.
I've been medicated for anxiety and depression since 1985. I'm no stranger to every aspect of therapy, and could easily be a therapist, with what I've learned. I've exhausted therapy, they say: there's nothing else we can do.
I simply need God. I don't understand His purpose in all of this - but He's in control of every "thing". We know that and the answer has to be with Him.
Something beyond simple human frailty is going on here. When man's methods fail, where do I turn?
I just need a bit of wisdom, or understanding, or at the very least - peace.
Jeff:
*Where I am right now:
He hath turned aside my ways, and pulled me in pieces: he hath made me desolate.
And thou hast removed my soul far off from peace: I forgat prosperity.
*What I need in prayer is the spiritual strength to hold on to this:
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.
All I ask for is God's will. Nothing else matters.
Dave in Tenn:
Jeff, I'm no wise-man so I don't know if this is of value to you.
I can empathize to some degree as I've also been drug down with anxiety and depression. It lifted the night I stumbled onto B-T, and it hasn't returned in anything like the measure that plagued me before.
Look at what it is you are praying.
A. Please fill me with your Spirit...
B. Please restore this relationship...
C. If it's not your will to do that, please release me from this torment...
D. If it's not your will to do that, please take my life. Let me sleep until you return.
What does it mean to you for God to fill you with His spirit? You understand, I hope, that patience and long-suffering are as much the fruit of His Spirit as love, joy, and peace.
After that, you set conditions on God as to how He will deal with you. I know that it seems you are praying according to His will, but is there also a sense that you are instructing Him as to how His will should be delivered to you? Maybe? It seems that way to me. Except for your first request, everything is about this relationship--your desire to see it restored and your willingness to accept certain things if it isn't. It could even be that your FIRST request is bound up in it.
Paul wrote this. Like Ray said many times: Read all the words. Don't just skim over them like you were comfy in your pew. I'm going to highlight a few of them, and if you want more of this, I'll do my best to deliver.
Php 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, Rejoice! Let your reasonableness be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious about nothing, but in everything by prayer and by petition with thanksgivings, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
For the rest, brothers,(could that be essentially saying "in the meantime"?) whatever is true, whatever honorable, whatever is right, whatever pure, whatever lovely, whatever of good report, if of any virtue, and if of any praise, think on these things.
Php 4:9 And what things you learned and received and heard and saw in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
There is a world of opportunity to love, and serve 'the least of these'. Do it for them, and you've done it for Him.
I'm glad you're back. We all miss Ray, but there are many days I still 'fellowship' with him, even though he's gone. I hope that over time, and in time, you will reconnect with the beautiful truths that drew you here in the first place.
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