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lurquer:
Good to meet you Jeff.
What a hard post this is to respond to. I'm surely not qualified to counsel you, and yet.. I understand.
I have to say first, I partially disagree with Rene, and agree with you--in that "medical professionals" cannot help you. I believe you when you say, "there's nothing else they can do." Maybe in fact, there was nothing ever they could do. But that you "simply need God" is certainly true.
I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but, anxiety and depression are not a "medical condition". In other words, they cannot be effectively treated with drugs. The drugs only enhance and exaggerate the condition while masking the symptoms. Not knowing the specifics of your spiritual torments, I'd hazard a guess that you know you are not 'mentally ill', and that these are real conditions which manifest in your mind and body to the point where you'd ultimately prefer death then indefinite continuation of the suffering. This is a totally legitimate human response.
I don't know what you're not seeing, Jeff, but I believe you are right that the suffering is necessary. God is causing it because He loves you and it is important that you experience it. I have no other vision than that. I also have no direct line with God, not being an extremely prayerful person myself. Though I have been in the past.. in my misguided youth. Perhaps like David, when I felt a wonderful connection with God, yet all along I was "yet carnal"...David, who wrote so many beautiful psalms to God, died in his sins, "unconverted", as Ray said.
Guess what I'm saying is you're not alone, God is still--and always--in control of your life, and His wonderful plan for you will not be thwarted. What you are experiencing is His Purpose.
I know others here will honestly pray for you, Jeff. And they will know how to pray. But you will nonetheless always be in God's hands. In life and in death. I believe God WILL give you understanding in that if you humbly ask of it. This, (if only this) I can attest to.
I hope you will stay with us. God's peace be upon you.
Neo--a fellow traveler.
Extol:
Dear Jeff,
Echoing what Dave quoted from Php 4: "in every thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus in regard to you." (1 Th. 5:18). Of course I heard this verse many times growing up in church, but only recently did I realize what it is saying: EVERY thing. It's easy to give thanks for the good things in the happy times, but it doesn't say "For happy things give thanks"....it says "in EVERY thing...". That means I thank God for the suffering and hardships too. Why? Because "this is the will of God in Christ Jesus in regard to you." It is the will of God for all things--whether happiness or the experience of evil--to work together in my life as part of molding me into His image. Without the experience of evil and the hardships, I would not learn all that is necessary to become a son of God. So I must thank Him for those things as well. I know it sounds foolish to the carnal mind to say "Thank You for this broken relationship"--and it is not at all easy--but we just have to trust that God knows more about what's going on than we do. One day, I believe, we will look back and understand why.
Kat:
Hi Jeff,
Being really down, even at rock bottom (think of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15), is where God brings us, so that we realize that we have no means, of ourselves, to make ourselves right and good. When we finally see and really comprehend that we are nothing at all but filthy sinners, then we are in a place where God can pick us up and begin teaching us. Just as Paul was struck down on the road to Damascus, we all have to be made aware that we are nothing... just as Paul saw himself as the worse of sinners, so do we have to realized we are no better than anybody else, even the worse sinners, accept by God's mercy on us.
So throw yourself on God's mercy, give yourself to Him completely a "living sacrifice," seek Him first and foremost in study, prayer and meditation... if you are serious about your desire to do His will, then show Him.
Mat 11:28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
v. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
v. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Rev 3:18 I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see.
v. 19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent.
Rom 12:1 So then, my friends, because of God's great mercy to us I appeal to you: Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to His service and pleasing to Him. This is the true worship that you should offer.
v. 2 Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God---what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect. (GNB)
Rom 12:12 Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times. (GNB)
mercy, peace and love
Kat
arion:
Unfortunately my friend suffering is a necessary part of the path we are on. Some suffer incredible physical hardships as our dear Ray had to. Some suffer psychological hardships as you are undergoing and some suffer both. And of course we all think that our suffering is too much and we kind of envy the suffering of others. But God knows exactly what kind of suffering we need and now long it has to be.
My sister as an example who is older has physical problems one after the other. I donated a kidney to her 12 years ago and she is still plugging along...I wouldn't want her baggage. I have psychological issues myself that go back to when I was a little kid and a young teen and I'm still dealing with them at 53 years old. I keep on telling God that I think I've learned enough patience in it but apparently not. And then my younger niece has been bulimic for years and has both the physical and psychological aspects.
I have little use for the therapies of this world. Yes, there are times when there is legitimate medical issues that can be helped with medication. But it's been my observation that they usually medicate to deal with the symptoms but there is little to nothing they can do for people with psychological and psychiatric problems because all they can do is meddle in the carnal realm and get you to contemplate your naval but that does nothing in addressing the root cause which is usually spiritual in nature.
Like it or not God has you where he wants you right now and it appears from what you've said that your still fighting the situation. I'm reminded of the old adage that if you love something let it go. If you grasp too hard it will slip right through your clenched fist. If it returns then it was meant to be and if not then let God be God. We all have to deal with different things and one of the hardest is to be content where we are at.
You gave your heart completely to someone and it didn't work out and now a big piece of who and what you are seems to be missing. At least you've been able to give of yourself to that extent. I've never been able to do that even once and unless God intervenes I'll take that to the grave so in a way I envy you and others who have been able to give of yourselves even if you get hurt. Some were hurt so badly and at such a young age that they are totally closed off and don't even know how to be vulnerable to being hurt anymore.
Perhaps I'm in error but I think there comes a time where God brings us to the point where we know that HE is the only solution to our situation and if he enables us then we will overcome and if he doesn't then we won't. I no longer fight it. I'm not saying that there is no fight left in me, but I'm walking beyond book knowledge to know that if he doesn't do it then it's not going to get done. You indicate that anxiety and depression are taking their toll on you. Perhaps your still fighting the situation instead of just giving up and let God deal with it as he would? I'm just musing here. Were all different and God deals with us differently. There is one thing you can take to the bank as the saying goes. God's will shall be done, our part is to quit fighting it and let God be God. And if we can get to the point where we quit fighting the situation that we find ourselves in then maybe God's peace and contentment will abide with us?
walt123:
Thank you Jeff for sharing your trials with us.
And thank you all for replying ,for all this hits home to me Jeff.
I just turn 53, there are too songs for you Jeff that helps as they help me too.
https://youtu.be/lZgoS7rz3jI
https://youtu.be/oni0tO_HN30
Peace to you Jeff,From God our father and His son,the prince of Peace.
Walt
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