Oh Virginia, with tears I write. My experience was much like yours. I too, had a breakdown, to the point where I secretly spent three days digging my own grave in the back yard. I was ready to leave because I didn't know what was happening to me. Like you I ended up in The hospital, and taking medication I have never needed before, sleeping pills and seeing a mental health person.
For you it is your son, for me, my daughter. I remember one day standing outside, shovel in hand
crying, I hated this world. There began my walk with God. All I could hear was, you were always the strong one, don't give up, what about your children, remember your children. I thought, OMG
My children, this would devastate them, they need me.And my poor husband, like Charles, was terrified. He rocked my eighty pound body like a baby curled in his arms every night. I was paralyzed. Things did change Virginia, ever so slowly, I began to talk to God and a little bit of light shone every day, I even began to write God, I did not know how to read the bible, but lo and behold, I began and little by little I felt better, I hade hope, I felt so much Love. There were good days and very bad days, but I knew I could not give up because above everything else, God loves me and he love my kids. I started to think about Abraham and how he gave over his son to God
So I gave my kids to God, I said" Lord, they are better of with you and I trust you". I felt a weight
lifted from me. I had to let go and let God. Things are much better knowing God is in control
Of everything. I know your pain. Don't give up, God loves you Virginia and so does your family at BT.
For God so loved the world (and you) that He gave His only begotten Son , that whoever
believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good, to those who love God, to
those who are called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:28.
God Bless You 🙏🏼 Pamela. I am praying for you.