My Story i'd like to share with you ALL

[lilitalienboi16]

As most of you know i havn't been as active on the forums here as i used to be. I've been struggling with the Word, the Lust of the Flesh, the Pride of Life, and those things. To put it, i've been quiet lost.

My story starts about 2 months ago, when my friend told His mom my beliefs. His mom asked me about them and we discussed them, and i explained to her why i believed what i did (Salvation of All, Hell is not ETERNAL TORTURE etc..).

About 1 month ago, this friend of mine, stopped being my friend. His parents told Him i was jew, and that He shouldn't hang out with me. (Some Christian love there.) Yes his parents are christian, apperently not so good at 'loveing there neighbor'. Anyways so now i lost a friend, and my other friends won't hang out with me as much because This friend that i lost is always with them, and he doesn't want to see me anymore. So i spent some time alone, i knew why this was happening. The Lord was breaking me down but it was hurtful. I still held my faith strong.

About 1 week after my friend stopped hanging out with me, i crashed my car. Thankfully i was not injured at all, neither was my brother who was in the car, but the car was completley totaled. Yes i was making a turn at 20 miles an hour and my car got totaled. I knew there was more then the laws of physics at work here because i find it very hard to believe you can completely total a car at 20 miles an hour but apperently you can. I tried to tell the officer it was 30 and he said theres no way from a stop at that distance to the pole here, that you traveled to 30 in such short time, you were going atleast 20. So i was shocked, and offcourse i knew once again who was at work here. It hurt me inside, and it was a painfull experience. My world was being torn apart as God saw fit to prepare me for whatever He has planned.

Now to make matters worse, this one hurt me the most, and it was so painfull i cried. My girlfriend, who was up visiting her cousin (about a 4 hour drive) called me, and told me that she wasn't so sure about us anymore. I was confused, and shocked, just before she left we had gone on a break, for about 2 weeks, but she told me when she came back that we would get back together so i was joyously awaiting her return. However now everything has changed... Apperently while she was up there she got drunk. Mind you SHE NEVER gets drunk, NEVER. She always told me, never get drunk, you promise? So i promised her never to get drunk, you can see how much of a shock this was to me. To make matters worse, she went to the movies with a guy named "ALEX." Now i'm not sure how many of you know but that is MY NAME. She told me, they made out, and that she wasn't really sure about me and her anywmore. She said his name being alex was so sort of sign.... I was completely broken hearted, destroyed, i was teary eyed. I knew what was going on, and why it was happening, but Lord could it have been any more painfull? As we were about to hang up the phone, i told her "I still love you with all my heart..." and she told me "Alex i love you, but it's just not the same anymore." After that i wanted to pretty much break down and cry but i didn't. I had the whole family here, i had to be strong...

So that night i prayed, and i told the Lord, "Please God, don't take away the one thing in this world that means everything to me besides you." I sat there for a good 10 minutes just beging Him not to do this to me. I knew that chastisment was painfull, but never this much pain. As i was falling asleep, the coolest thing happened.

The Lord spoke to me, and i know i'm probably just going insane because of everything thats happening but i can't remmeber how it started.

I Jsut remember Him saying "Alex do not fear, I AM the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."

He said something along the lines of "Your ancestors Father according to the promise." (I think Hes saying they are my ancestors not by blood but by the promise we have in Christ, makeing us the ISREAL OF GOD?" I could be wrong but i think thats what he ment."

He told me, "Behold a ladder is set before you, and it reaches to the heavens. You stand upon this latter and soon you will see heaven open up before you."

Then suddenly like a revalation it hit me, John saw the Heavens open up before Him, Christ represents the Ladder, things were just falling together.

As you could imagine, i thought i was going nuts literly.I still think i'm crazy right now.

I asked Him "How do i know this is not SATAN" to which He replied "Any Kingdom that speaks against itself is divided, and if satan speaks against himself then his kingdom is divided, if his kingdom is divided then it will not stand." and i said, okay good enough for me lol.

So i asked Him, "God willl you tell me if Jacqueline and I will ever get back together?" and He told me, "Alex she is yours, as you are mine, she is part of your lot. For now this must be done, but you will be together. You will marry her, and you will remember i told you this when you are married. This will be my sign to you that I am your God, and that there is no Other besides me."

He told me me something about This being set up before the world began, so i am not to fear that He is with me, and that in my weakness will His strengths suffice. He told me "You are mine, and i am with you, even to the ends of the earth."

I was just thinking in my head like, man i hope this is God talking to me this would be awsome so i decided to ask Him something i couldn't possible know.

I asked Him "God why is this happening to me?"

He replied something along the lines of this "I know why you ask me this, and it is because you doubt i speak to you. You will know in time when i have given you the sign that i am your God, the only God." I think he ment by "the sign" as in the promise he made me that when i marry Jacqueline that i will remember all this and i will know without a doubt.

I asked Him one last thing "Lord will she be beautiful on that day?" and he told me "Alex i have put it in your heart to desire her, she will be beautiful."

All throughout this i just kept telling how much it was hurting me, how painfull this is to me. He kept telling me "You are my son, and she is yours, i know this pains you but it must be done for now. I have put it in your heart to desire her, do not worry she is yours."

It was unbelievable. He spoke as a Father loves his son, speaking to him gently there was a calm in His voice, but authority with it also. As if you were in His arms. IT was amazing i realy don't know what else to say.

The last things He said to me were "Remember Alex, i am with you and she is yours."

Anyway that was what happened to me last night.. it was quiet an experience. This was pretty hard to share as it was a very personal experience, and i usualy keep these things private for fear of bieng called insane but i don't think i'm going crazy and everything happens for a reason.  Whatever happened last night, the Lord obviously willed it to happen so He was communicating something to me, and i believe it was really Him.

It brings me comfort to know that me and jacqueline will be re-united, it just hurts alot right now, and i don't know how long the Lord will have me go through this stuff... its painfull i can tell you that.

Anyways God bless you all.. just thought id share because i need people who understand me and can rilate to talk with. You guys are my family

God bless,

Alex

[Layla]

Hi Alex

I think you are very strong.  To be experiencing such things but always acknowledging that God is in controll and works all things out for good to those who love Him shows much faith.  You are also blessed to have the Lord reveals these things to you.  I pray that he strengthen you to be patient as you wait upon the Lord.

Peace,
Layla

[lilitalienboi16]

thanks guys.. its really uplifted to here such kind words, i'm glad you don't think i'm nuts because i thought everyone was gonna think i'm crazy

I'm just really struggling now nad really hurt, and i appreciate the prayers it means so much too me.

Thank you and God bless,

Alex

[lilitalienboi16]

You are very welcome Alex my friend. And if you need someone to talk to you can always PM me Alex. I am not real smart and as you can tell my posts are nothing earth shattering but I do care about you and I can be a good listener.

Love to you Alex,

bobby

Thank you brother, that is all one could ever ask for. Just someone there to hold you when you need to cry, because thats how i feel sometimes. I just need to hear i'm gonna be okay, and i think the Lord's words have given me the strength He wanted me to have, but still i cannot deny that this does not hurt me. It does so much... but i will be strong, holding fast to His words, that He will not forsake me.

I will definatly take up your offer bobby, right now i'm just gonna be patient and wait on the Lord, its really all i can do.

God bless you and much love also,

Alex

[angie]

Hi Alex,

I know exactly how you feel. Most people who know me think I'm 'jinxed' when in reality I'm being taught valuable lessons, just as you and everyone else here are.

Heb 5-7

'... "My son, don't take lightly the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by him;

6 For whom the Lord loves, he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives."

7 It is for discipline that you endure. God deals with you as with children, for what son is there whom his father doesn't discipline?

It DOES get lonely in the world sometimes because we are in it, but not of it now [regardless of how often it tries to suck us back into the ways of the flesh] I think that is why God gives us each other the way He has. You are not as alone as you might feel sometimes. The MAIN thing is, is that He loves you [yaaaay!] and you are having a very close and personal relationship with Him. What a real blessing that is.
Hang in there brother!

luv'n'stuff
Angie

[lilitalienboi16]

Hi Alex,

I know exactly how you feel. Most people who know me think I'm 'jinxed' when in reality I'm being taught valuable lessons, just as you and everyone else here are.

Heb 5-7

'... "My son, don't take lightly the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by him;

6 For whom the Lord loves, he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives."

7 It is for discipline that you endure. God deals with you as with children, for what son is there whom his father doesn't discipline?

It DOES get lonely in the world sometimes because we are in it, but not of it now [regardless of how often it tries to suck us back into the ways of the flesh] I think that is why God gives us each other the way He has. You are not as alone as you might feel sometimes. The MAIN thing is, is that He loves you [yaaaay!] and you are having a very close and personal relationship with Him. What a real blessing that is.
Hang in there brother!

luv'n'stuff
Angie

Thank you angie, and thank you for the verse. Its true, He deals with us as His sons and daugthers, but i can't lie and say it takes the pain away.. because it doesn't, even after what He said to me, i still hurt. I know though that its all apart of His plan, and that He is not destroying me, but working in me. To bad this fire hurts so much ><

To bobby, i never said anything about your story, but i should have. I wanted to thank you for it, it gives me hope, even greater hope then i already have, to hear that everything worked out with you even after those long break ups. Thanks again brother.

God bless,

Alex

[ned]

Dear Alex,
You're stronger than you think, because our good Lord wouldn't have you endure such pain if he knew you couldn't handle it.

With love from a sister,
Marie

[mongoose]

Alex,
   You are, most definitely, going to be okay.  Although it may not seem like it now, this too is all part of His plan for your life.  Sometimes I think God does talk with us directly....it happened to me a few times and it's always changed my life a lot in a short amount of time.  The things that are hurting you now, you will learn from them.  I broke up with a boyfriend that I didn't think I could live without...whom I loved to distraction, and then decided I would just stay alone to avoid that hurt.  Six months later I started dating a wonderful guy.  We've been married for 12 years now and it is absolutely wonderful.  God takes care of all of us, in His way.  These heartaches are temporary and always for our good.

God be with you in your trials.  My prayers are with you.

Love to you my brother in Christ,

mongoose

[lilitalienboi16]

Alex,
   You are, most definitely, going to be okay.  Although it may not seem like it now, this too is all part of His plan for your life.  Sometimes I think God does talk with us directly....it happened to me a few times and it's always changed my life a lot in a short amount of time.  The things that are hurting you now, you will learn from them.  I broke up with a boyfriend that I didn't think I could live without...whom I loved to distraction, and then decided I would just stay alone to avoid that hurt.  Six months later I started dating a wonderful guy.  We've been married for 12 years now and it is absolutely wonderful.  God takes care of all of us, in His way.  These heartaches are temporary and always for our good.

God be with you in your trials.  My prayers are with you.

Love to you my brother in Christ,

mongoose

Thanks for the encouragment.. but it hurts me so much.. last night i couldn't sleep. All i could do was think about her... i'm so in love with this girl... I trust what God said but it hurts me so much.... i'm in so much emotional pain.

[gmik]

  I hurt with you.  But believe ALL of us you do get thru this, pain and all.

My husband of 33 years broke up with me about 3 months before we got married.  Said he was confused, needed to think, space, blah blah blah....Of course I was devastated, not sleeping, insides hurting all the time...during this I said, out loud when I prayed, Lord I want to want what you want.

Notice I didn't want to want God's will....I just wanted to want to...couldn't muster it up on my own. Of course I told the Lord, I will be single, or a missionary, or there is someone better out there that you are preparing for me, blah blah...God knew my heart of course tht I really loved this one.

Anyway, My then boyfirend, now husband, read CS Lewis"Mere Christianity" and had a great revelation hit him.....I WAS the one for Him....Ha!!

God has shared with you something very precious.  Do you believe HIM??  Then dry your eyes and get as close to HIM as you can, read, pray, study, pray, help others and pray for your girlfriend as you have never prayed before...for HER maturity, for HER eyes to be opened, and pray for time--it is your greatest gift now.

I will be praying for you!!

PS  I had dated and been engaged to another guy for 4 years before I met my husband.  But that is for another day