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Fleeting moments of joy
hillsbororiver:
--- Quote from: chuckusa on September 26, 2006, 02:12:58 PM ---Hello all,
Lately, something has been occuring in my life that I don't understand.
I have been experiencing JOY.
This feeling only lasts a second or two, intense, profound and very clear...then it fades away, leaving me again in what I call my natural state. In most cases a very long sigh escapes me as I realize once again, that it was just another fleeting moment of joy. I've even labeled it, such is its presense in my life now.
During these moments, it is as if I am seeing the world through different eyes. I feel young again, almost like a teenagers body but yet with the wisdom of my experience behind it...an incredible purpose surging through my veins, a happiness beyond words...as if I could fly. Love seems to become the very fabric of existence, all is good, all is as it should be, all is forgiven, I am free, I have purpose, I have LIFE.
And then it is gone.
What follows is dread. Dread that I will never experience those moments again. That it is simply a mirage... that such a state doesn't exist. The contrast between those moments and my normal life is incredibly profound and depressing. I haven't been happy for a long time, despite my best efforts...I feel empty inside most of the time. These moments only make it worse.
I am very confused as to why God would show me this state. It only makes me feel more like giving up, it doesn't energize me, or encourage me, or seem to be leading me in any direction. It simply seems like just another thing that I will never have. That once again, I've been left out of something wonderful...like I am looking through the glass, but not being invited in.
I do realize all the good things that God has given me. It's not as if I don't realize that...but these feelings of JOY are incredible...like no other feeling I have ever had. I feel as if I want to scream at the top of my lungs, to shout as loud as I can that I can LOVE, that I can FEEL, that I can SEE...but I am so taken by suprise each time it happens, that only my mind responds with a racing stream of thoughts of how now, armed with this incredible feeling, that I am going to LIVE my life THROUGH this, and for this, and by this...how NOW...I can take on anything, that I will never fail again.
But then, like I said...it falls away. Leaving me...to myself. That is beyond depressing.
To be honest, it feels like he is trying to prepare me for something. As if the damn is about to break. Each time it feels so much like that, as if I need to prepare...but for what? And How?
If anyone feels like they understand what I am going through, would you please pray for me. I only want to understand what God is trying to tell me.
Maybe I am finally really going crazy.
Your brother,
Chuck
--- End quote ---
Hi Chuck,
I originally posted this in Gary's poll/thread but this seems to fit just as well here. By the way I do not think you are going crazy,
I wanted to say that although I have yet to have that "third heaven" experience, I have had fleeting moments of clarity where the Word becomes so very much alive in me, to the point where I will be in a transfixed state of mind I can't put into words. A moment of understanding that is so crystal clear, timeless and of a pure love that I can only really faintly describe it because I can't even pull up a clear detailed memory of it. I always say when I experience this that I am going to write this down, share it with the brethren here in the forum..............then it fades.
It does not crash but it disspates like a mist in the morning sun and just as impossible to grasp and hold on to, I do know it will return as it has in the past, but I never know when or where.
His Peace and Wisdom to you,
Joe
chuckusa:
Hi Joe,
I am amazed that people are experiencing the same thing. I have lately really been thinking about this, and I still don't know what to make of it. The big question I have is weather or not I am doing something to keep these feelings from continuing. Like you, mine comes out of no where, by suprise.
It always fades away though. My mind races, my thoughts clear...it's awesome...and then its gone.
Thanks for the comments Joe, wasn't quite sure how people were going to take this.
Thanks brother,
Chuck
hillsbororiver:
Chuck,
Perhaps it is all we are presently able to handle at this point of our walk.
His Peace and Wisdom to you Brother,
Joe
chuckusa:
Joe,
I am sort of leaning towards that same conclusion. I agree with that, I honestly don't know how I could deal with feeling like that all the time. It may be that we can never achieve that in the flesh, and it is just Gods way of letting us know he is there, sort of a light in the darkness...of things to come.
Anyway, I know it will all make sense to me when the time is right...but for now, it's a mystery.
Peace to you too brother,
Chuck
kennymac:
Hi Chuck,
You have felt in your heart the mighty workings of the Spirit of God. You feel and are conscious of a peace that surpasses all understanding. You feel a joy in God that is unspeakable and full of glory. It is the love of God shed abroad in your heart by the Holy Spirit which has been given to you. You are increasing daily in the knowledge of God and understanding about the inward Kingdom of heaven. God has awakened your spirit. You are alive to God through Jesus Christ. You live a life the world can not know outside such a relationship. It is a life hidden within Christ in God. God continually breathes upon your soul. Grace is descending into your heart. Your prayer ascends to heaven. By this conversation a spiritual relationship is set up. Through this, the life of God in the soul is sustained, and this fellowship with the Father and the Son grows. In this manner the child of God grows up, until he comes to a full measure of stature in Christ. It's nature is that great change that God works in the soul when He brings it to life. He raises the soul from death in sin to the life of righteousness. It is the change brought about in the soul by thy almighty Spirit of God when the soul is created a new in Christ Jesus and renewed after the image of God in righteousness and true holiness. It is when the love of the world is changed for the love of God. Pride is then changed into humility and passion into meekness. Hatred, envy and malice are replaced by sincere, tender, unselfish love for all mankind.
Be patient Chuck, he has let you taste of His goodness. He will complete you, He is faithful.
I continue to experience an abundance of peace, joy, and love in my life that I never new until I knew Him. I am here to testify that I would burn a billion dollars, before I would consider living without the joy Christ gives, without Him life is meaningless. At first I experienced quick passing moments also. The turning point for me, was when I finally trusted Him and believed that he would never leave me or forsake me. I began to apply the Kingdom principles to my daily life. Your will not mine Lord, teach me Lord how to not be concerned with making much of myself. I still struggle with this, It is hard to empty ourselves of selfish ambition. But it is harder to live a life of substance and have not the Christ. When someone wrongs me, I smile, and truly wish the best for them. If my husband asks like a total fool, I have learned to shut my mouth and talk to Jesus. If I happen to loose my cool, I apologize immediately. My motto, if I am right but rude, I am wrong. It is Christ, I want to impress... I know that it is He who continues to change me, not me at all, I am totally dependent upon Him. I do constantly examine myself and pray that He reveal any hidden idles of the heart.
I guess what I am trying to say, Chuck, is you will have more and more moments of total peace, joy and love. Remember he is creating a new man, the old man does not want to die but he must, in order for the new man to live. What is it that makes us want to change? Is it not that emptiness inside? That emptiness is what keeps me running after Christ, I never want to experience that again, if it means that I have to love my enemy I will. He baites us with His love, he shows us how good His love is. It is the love of God that brings us to Him. All He really wants is for us to love others unconditionally, the way he loves us, there are no strings attached. I believe that is what it is all about.
God bless you,
Mary Ann
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