> Testimonies / Prayer Requests / Fellowship

Struggling to Forgive

(1/5) > >>

SandyFla:
I am having a terrible time forgiving someone.

Back in January 2004, we had a repairman come to our house. He didn't know what he was doing and got extremely angry. His boss told me that the man had been working for him for 15 years, and he knows how to do the job. After 3 or 4 days of enduring his temper tantrums, I'd had it. As soon as he left, I called another company, who sent a repairman out and fixed the problem in a matter of minutes. I then called the other man's boss and told him we no longer needed his services.

Immediately I began fantasizing about the most vicious things I'd like to do to that incompetent worker. Truth be told--I despised him with a passion, more than I ever thought it possible to hate another human being. I know that to feel that kind of hatred is equal to murder in God's eyes (I John 3:15). I also know that if I don't forgive him, God won't forgive me (Matthew 6:15/Mark 11:26).

For nearly 3 years now, I've done everything I can think of to try to forgive this man--from making a conscious effort to quoting Scripture to begging God for help. I've even tried to feel sorry for him, because anyone who acted like he did would have to be a very miserable person. It works for awhile, and I can think about him without any hard feelings. But other times, I'll remember what he was like, and all that old hatred comes back to the point where I don't WANT to forgive him.

But I do.

Can someone please tell me how I can forgive him once and for all? Or, have I already forgiven him, but sometimes my emotions get out of hand? (As I said in another thread, DARN those hormones!) I don't even have to think about him for very long before it starts ... I'll think of him one second, and the next second, BOOM! I'm already fantasizing about taking vengeance. Then I catch myself and try to stop. What's wrong with me?

Sandy

mongoose:
Actually, if anyone has an answer to this, I'd love to hear it too.  I get to a point where I think I've forgiven someone...and then I am reminded of what they did or they do something new....and yikes, I'm angry not at only the current situation but for all that past stuff that I've supposedly forgiven too.  I try to stop myself, and trying to see things from their perspective sometimes does the trick.  Then again, next time it may come rushing back....Is there an end to this when you can be sure you've forgiven someone?

mongoose

orion77:
Hello Sandy,

Perfectly understand what you are talking about.  This is a hard lesson to learn, at least it was for me.  I take a step back and focus on the faith God has given me, and know the day will come that those people will come to true repentence and be humbled by God.  Knowing this will happen in the future to these people, I take it on faith, and see them now as if it has already happened to them.  Of course we cant tell them that, or they will get even more angry,  :).  

Knowing that it is not what comes into us that defile us, but what comes out.  So, for me I ask God in prayer to keep His peace through the Spirit growing, so certain people, actions or words can not take dominion over the simpleness of His truth.

The words Jesus spoke saying, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do", is a goal to achieve in this life, and for me it would be impossible without His Spirit.  Knowing that God loved me first, speaks volumes of the character of God.

Possibly the repairman was going through some hard times himself and had him out of sorts for awhile, who knows but God.  Just forget about it and move on, are words easier said than done.  Look for the lesson from it, He has a way of hiding meaningful things in the most horrible of circumstances.

God bless,

Gary

Patrick:
Sandy, I don't believe there is anything "wrong with you."
I have to keep telling myself (and I don't have any Scripture to back it up with right now) that the adversary will do anything to get us to fall. And, God created the adversary.
I can be having a great day, and someone nearly crashes into me or is rude/vulgar; I can explode in a rage so fast. I hate myself for not being able to control my temper.
I have to keep praying and praying about things such as this. God has not answered my prayer at this time, so that tells me it's not in His will for me at this time. I want this junk to go away so bad.  :'(

I also have my moments with not forgiving, I wish I could forget. When some of the bad memories come up and I get myself all riled up, down on my knees I go.

I'll be praying for you, please pray for me.
Love ya
Patrick

Ward:
Sandy:

Here's my 2-cents on this...

You have forgiven this man.  The feelings that you have had since are something else entirely.  God is teaching you something.  (No, I don't know what... Could be many things.)  Someday he might actually cause you to know what this has been about.  I'd bet that its something much bigger than the "...3 or 4 days of enduring his temper tantums..." 

I have felt some of the very same things you write about.  "Vicious things" "Dispised...with a passion".   And for much longer than 3 years.  I can be a very very hard person. (I pray that God is not like me...) 

"What's wrong with me?" - You are marred.  AND BEING RESHAPED BY THE ULTIMATE POTTER.

One question for you... If somehow you come to the conclusion that you have actually forgiven this man, will you remember that it wasn't you. but God?

Now, I know all of that was rather short, but I will write more if you want to communicate about it.

Ward

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page