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questions I am afraid to ask

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snorky:
Hey, mongoose, you really explained "free will" very well, thanks! And the Holy Spirit be with you.

Judie, God sent you to Bible Truths (just like He sent me using a Google ad when I was researching the funding of the Pharisees). You have read all of Ray's articles but can't get the programming from Christendom out of your head. You aren't the only one. With me I was able to completely get the notion of universal reconciliation because I never believed (really) in hell for eternity; the notion of no rapture because I had already repudiated it in my mind; the notion of not getting caught up in the "world" because I live so far outside the mainstream (I live in the mountains of west Texas...it isn't people per square mile out here, it's square miles per person) is a no brainer; the notion of God's Sovereignty because some of the things that have happened to me in my life are downright miracles (I should be dead now, physically as well as spiritually, having been in mainstream churches, fundamentalist churches, cults and what not) is easy for me to grasp. Other than some of the things I have learned by being on the forum with a fellowship, I still have a hard time grasping "no trinity" (even Ray's article was not much help there). I still have a hard time trying to figure out the Book of Revelation, not to mention prophesies of Daniel, Ezekiel, etc. Maybe that's because God's deal with me is to show me one particular issue discernment at a time.

You may have problems with Bible Study, but that fact that God brought you here counts for something. You are confused the way everyone esle here is or was confused. Christendom has a way of doing that, using "cognitive dissonance" (a method of cults) to tell you one thing is true and then to tell you the opposite is true. Example: On the one hand, God is love (agape, and any other kind you can think of). On the other hand, God will consign 99% of all the people who ever lived to hell for eternity! Another: the Bible says (in Hebrews as well as Genesis and other places) that all mankind is destined to die once on the one hand, and on the other hand (they say) the Bible "says" that 99% of the world's people for all time will die twice and on the other hand some of us will never die, but be "raptured"!

God taught me patience (In fact He forced me to be patient!), because I have never had it before I have come to this site and one or two other spirutually discerning sites and had never been able to properly discern the Bible in just about anything BEFORE He gave me patience. You are (perhaps, God willing) going to have to take this one day at a time, be patient and continue to seek the truth. I have saught the truth actively for close to ten years, trying to figure parts of the Bible out on my own. You CAN'T do it on your own. Like Kat and mongoose and the rest here have said, YOU MUST LET GOD DO IT through you and DEPEND on Him only! It will come--snorky (Deb)

gmik:
Thanks to all for those wonderful replies! I am wrestling with a few things too, snorky, (deb), so I am really glad you asked!!

To be honest, I consider my bible study to be Ray's articles and tapes & e sword.  Until I get a concordant or Young's I just do not trust reading my ole King James.  This forum is the devotional part of my "bible study".

Truly, this is a new way of living. Totally different from mainstream.  I don't tithe.  I don't witness.  I don't go to church!! Don't sit down and read the bible.  Wow! I wouldn't have believed you a year ago.

Thing is, I am just as busy in my spiritual walk, cuz its all me trying to get the beast off the throne-I know it is God IN ME that will get things done. I want to please HIM.  I want to do the things Paul teaches us are Godly. I listen to Ray or Mikes tapes over and over.  I am on here every day. And yet, to look at me, you would not notice anything.

It used to be important that I prayed at restaurants, or that my neighbors saw me leaving in a dress every Sunday, or that friends knew I was a tither. Not any more. I don't feel the need to impress anyone like that. I know its internal, spiritual, not external.  But every so often, guilt tries to creep in, weariness of understanding Revelations (or not), not having "a church" to fall back on, not telling the world about Jesus etc.

I used to worry that I was not called or chosen, our life is fine and nothing ever happens like what I read about some of you dear ones going thru.  Well 3 or 4 things have happened right in a row with the last being (I hope for awhile)my hussband being sideswiped by an out of control vehicle.  The lady died who hit him, but he is fine. Who the Lord loves He chastises.  So I should want that right??  No, I want a happy, insignificant little life where everything is just fine. So you see Deb, my mind is always racing on and on about this stuff-you are not alone as everyone has said.  Let us bare ourselves one to another that our burdens may be lifted and pray one for another.

Didn't mean to blabber on and on....hope this made sense.  I am at work and need to quit and go home!!

Love to all,
gena

dogcombat:
So true Bobby,

Things must be uncovered or revealed on the journey, not before it. 

Ches

hart4god:
well, thank you to alll the faithful friends who put time in on these replies.
You all put in quite a day's work. and I thank you deeply.

I have always had too many questions for most people. It is just part of my nature to want to get beyond the surface of things and see what is underneath it all. and that is why I am so frustrated at not being a "good Bible student" anymore. Questions always get me in trouble.......and so I am afraid to ask any more....because people always got so mad at my questions.....

Like all of you, I did my time in church being miserable and upset most of the time because nothing made sense.
I felt like I knew who God was but I never saw him represented honorably any place corporate. It was all so very weird.
and I agree with you-I just avoided the "hell" issue in the past  because it was so totally incongruous with a God Who So Loved.....

anyway.

I  need a safe place to ask questions- and I did not want people to think I was challenging what is represented on Bible Turths. and I did not want to seem like totally ignorant ( although I am partially ignorant!) of the teachings. I need people like you all who are pretty patient with us "younger" brothers and sisters.

I have carefully read the encouragement you all brought to this topic. I so appreciate the thought and effort. I also am comforted by your own paths and journeys and maybe I am a little less stressed about where I am at and where I will end up.

I have always had a special connection to God, a communion of sorts, but at times I have felt that w/o study and THE WORD, relationship and fellowship with Him was illegitimate. invalid. I could never conform and fit in, even then. I have wanted only to follow Him but I never could do it "their" way. and now I do doubt  myself very much- that I am still following.

we (my husband and family -4 kids-all over 16) have been out of the corporate Christian scene for over a year now. and we are happy for once and not dreading Sundays and Wednesdays.....we feel that our lives are more honest and real and we are able to care more deeply about more things and touch more lives than we ever did in the past 25 years.

Ok, I will relax and Let God teach me as He desires. in this season it is without a word. and I know that I am being converted and won over to Him.
thank you all.

lovingly,
judie h.

justifyothers:
Hi Judie --
I experience the world you are in often.  However, I also experience leaving it to find a new fresh word from God.  I am fortunate enough to have much free time that I devote to God/quiet & reflective time. I appreciate this and know everyone is not so fortunate. This time really enables me to listen for Him.  But sometimes, like you, I get in a funk -- too much info/not enough info --whatever. And my first reaction is frustration and a desire to throw my bible out the window! Can you imagine ??  BUT HE ALWAYS COMES THROUGH!! 
I know you'll get there soon -- trust Him and listen for Him.  When you get back in your bible, stay in the words of Jesus.  Things seem clearer for me sometimes to do that.
Will pray for His will for you.
Love,  K

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