Word of the day: "scintilla" - / sin-till-uh/
True story:
Old Longhorn here must be getting that there forgetting disease, the "allzhymies" or something like that that, because how in the world did I fail to mention what happened just this past weekend for the Valentines holiday. Now I aint the kind of person to go spending or (waisting) hard earned money on silly holidays like Christmas, Birthdays, and the Super Bowl, but this year for for first time in ages I figured I'd go all out, no expense spared.
Heres how this years "Lovers" day unfolded. I woke up extra early, like around 9:00 AM and got busy preparing a supprise lunch basket for me and my best gal Lula. After I finished making the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and wrapping em in some tin foil, I threw in a box of those little candy things shaped like hearts with tiny, tiny words spelled on em. Like I said, only the best for Lula. Anyways, I splashed on some Old Spice took a big ol gurggle of that there Scope mouth smelling water and headed out the door.
Before I could get the keys in the ignition of ol Bettsy, in the rear view mirrow I notice a car heading up the dirt road to the ranch. Best I remember I said shucks, or something like that, anyway, as the car gets closer a fear of dread came over me. Sure enough, it was my sister. Dont get me wrong, I love my sister, but the only time she bothers comming to the ranch is if she needs a favor. As she pulls the car up along side Bettsy, I can see she has some of those fake tears running down her cheeks.
As Im about to ask her what the problem is, up pops a head from the back seat of the car. It was her 12 yr old son Jacob. Without wanting to here the long drawn out story I says to my sister, I take it you need me to watch Jacob for a few days. Through her pretend sobbing she say's Longhorn, My boss needs me to go on a cruise to Hawaii with him for 3 weeks, can you please watch Jacob? Well all the other times she tricked me into watching him was for stupid, self serving, thrill seeking, once in a lifetime pleasures reserved only for the wealthy. But this time I could see it was really important, for goodness sakes, I didn't want to be the blame for lossing her job.
As my sister drives away, I tell Jacob to throw his suitcase in the back of the truck, and I explain to him that Im late for a supprise luch date with Lula. To make up time, I drive through my pasture all the way to the back end of the meadow and get on the oil top road that goes to Lulas. About 1/2 mile from my sweeties house we passed by the Farmers Acadamy cemetary when something catches my eye. I slamed on the brakes and I tell Jacob to wait in the truck for a minute.
I remembered that I had forgot to pay my respects to old man Rollins who had passed away after his mule had kicked him in the head the previous Saturday( I always told him he worked that mule to hard, and one day he would get even). Anyways, after paying my respects I climb back in the truck and Jacob ask me Uncle Longhorn, where did you get them beautifull flowers from? I told him they needed watering and being an upstanding citizen of Titus county that I am, (well, you get the picture).
Anayway, like I said, no expense spared for my Lula. A fancy lunch basket and some freshly picked flowers and life is good, the only thing that could spoil this day is if for some strange reason it should happen to rain. Anayways, as we pull up to Lula's house a fear of dread comes over me again as I notice Lula sitting on the porch swing crying her eyes out. I honk 3 or 4 times and Lula finally makes her way to old Bettsy. Through what seemed like real tears but mabey not, she says to me Longhorn, you wont believe this, just this morning I woke up extra early, around 9:00 AM and I was making you a supprise lunch basket with those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you like so much. I even through in a box of Milk Duds.
Anyways, as I was about to leave for your ranch when my brother pulls up in front of the house in his $100,000 Rolls Royce and tells me he needs me to watch his 12 yr old daughter Charlene while he goes on a important 3 week cruise to Hawaii with his boss. Now it looks like our supprise Valentines Love lunch is ruined. I says to Lula "Contrare my dear"...she loves when I speak big french words, I said it looks like you and me are in the same predictament (that means the same boat for you city slicks), anyhow, I explaine my situation to Lula and her tears turn to joy, life is good again, and the only thing that could ruin her day would be if for some strange reason it should happen to rain.
We all go inside and Lula and I exchange our Love Valentines Baskets, and whats even better is the fact that Jacob and Charlene seem to be having a good time too. Now some of you women on this here Bible learning forum might can describe this feeling a might bit better than old Longhorn here. But you know when you kinda feel all love struck, and lovey dovey, and everything seems so perfect, and time together just flies by, well thats what happened to me and Lula on Valentines Day.
While Charlene showed Jacob around Lula's farm, me and my honey take this time to do some hand holding and necking and talking about mabey someday having a little herd of Longhorns (yall no what I mean) anyways, after what seemed like only 10 minutes Lula's persian cat Polly jumps in between us. I take a look at my watch, and dangit if 2 hours hadnt passed. Lula and I run outside and start calling Jacob and Charlene. Just about the time Lula was going to send her bird dog Bandit out to look for Jacob and Charlene, we see them coming up the trail that leads from the creek.
Happy that they are ok, and kinda embarrassed that we got so rapped up that time and space lost all meaning, we sat on the porch swing and tried to act (well, you know how we tried to act), anyways, Lula says to the kids, Charlene, did you show Jacob the farm? She said yes mam. We were about to go inside for some lemonade when Lula pokes me in the ribs and says Longhorn, why are the kids hair wet?. Before I could do what all red blooded males do and that is "Change the subject" , Lula tells the kids to have a set on the porch. Lula knowing that the kids had gone swimming in the creek, hums very softly as she cuts a small branch of the hickory tree next to the house.
Now Lula is one of those cut to the chase people, no bs'ing around with her. She says now Charlene, Im responsible for you, now tell me the truth, did you go swimming in the creek with only your skivvies( thats underdrawers for you city slicks) on? Charlene said yes mam. Lula said, well at least you told the truth, go inside. Then Lula pokes me in the ribs again and says your the man, you deal with Jacob. I clear my throat and said Jacob, do you promise not to go swimming in the creek with a girl wearing only your skivvies again? And Jacob says to me, OK, but all we did was swim and skip rocks, whats wrong with that. And in all my wisdom I say, Son the Bible says it's a Sin for a man and women, or in your case a boy and girl to go swimming together in their skivvies.
After a moment of silence, Jacob looks up at me and says Uncle Longhorn, is it really a Sin to want to swim with girls in your skivvies? I said yes. And Jacob say to me well then Unlce Longhorn.... I guess I will just have to... Sin- till- ah-.................DIE..... and then it rained.
This true story is dedicated to Acturus.
Longhorn