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Help finding some kind of Peace married to an athiest

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Michele:
I would really appreciate any good advice/support, especially from persons in my shoes.  I've been for a couple decades to a man who is a complete athiest, it is his religion truly.  If there is a book, show, about athiesm or nonbelief in God then it is or will be in our home.  I used to feel anger, fear and complete anguish and maybe threatened when confronted with these items.  I still do not like them at all and never will because I now awknowledge why, because they make me fear questions that arise that I am unable to answer for him, my child or myself maybe. And it makes me face the fact that we will never be the "couple" of my dreams.  I will never have the relationship with him where we love or even search for God together, it will always be a "hidden" subject or a "controversial" one in our marriage and that saddens me.  It's a touchy subject that we just avoid all together mostly and it makes me feel anxious all the time. 

But I must thank (Slim) I believe it was.  I owe him a huge Thank You because of something I read that he wrote of his spouse with whom I believe he is also iin a unequally yoked marriage, he said something to the effect of "I realize it is I, not she, who has to conform to My Beliefs".  Wow!  That really is helpful to me. I am searching for God because God's done something to me to make me keep searching...ME not him, not yet.   All this time I've worried and worried and made myself ill (and still do some) about my spouses Fate.  Even after I took initial comfort in learning that "hell" as regular "christians" being a falsehood and the fact that there will not be an "eternal torture in flames" for anyone, I still did not/do not wish him, or anyone else I love to suffer any severe punishments.  I especially don't want my child to suffer if she  is caused to stumble because of what she'll learn from him.....then I have to ask myself woudl God allow that to happen?  Well he allows all sorts of horrific things to happen on this planet come to that so that frightens me.  But then I have to say to myself that if I believe he has everything under control and everything good and bad was always/is always all going exactly "According To Plan" then me worrying is a waste of my life and all I can do is keep on learning the best I can and pass on what I know, Right?  I still have that protective mother instinct though that wishes to hide her away from anything harmful, even unintentionally harmful.  And then I shake my head at myself because if what I"m learning here is closer to the Truth, and I tend to believe it is, then God is never going to allow anyone to not be saved...so what am I worrying about anyway? It's like a combination of my false "christian" upbringing doing battle with his "athiesm" and I'm caught in the middle! I feel very alone a lot.

I know I love my spouse and I believe he loves me, and I know he loves our child and only wants the best for all of us which is why he tries gathers all this "worldly evidence" so we will know the "truth" as he ( and a lot of others obviously see it) ...anti-God, god is a myth, bogus, made-up, falsehood, all that matters is science and the wisdom of man...that type of thing.   And I used to get so angry and so afraid and probably judgemental.  Judgemental is what I'd have to have been because if I wasn't being judgemental I would have just thought "i don't agree" instead of "you're so wrong and that makes you bad"...cause that's what I was taught that athiests are by the "christian" upbringing that I had, bad bad people who are going to burn for all eternity! Well, I never understood that and now I know why. 
Just as Ray said in one of his replies "Those who change thier minds against their will are of the same opionions still".  How true.
If it were't for God dragging me to him, I'd not be searching for him now as I understand it, so I have no Right to Judge Anyone!
Now if I can just learn how to Not worry!

I used to feel sad that maybe I'd made the wrong choice in marrying a non-believer because of the scripture "be not unequally yoked"....so maybe I sinned there, but I didn't mean to do anything bad, I just wanted to love and be loved.

But the scriputures also say to "stay married to your non-believer spouse if they want to stay married to you and that your union with the non-believer somehow blesses your marriage and the children of your marriage" ...by the way forgive me for totally messing up the real wording of that scripture...that's the general drift anyway.

So I would truly appreciate any help with this:
HOW do I live in this household, surrounded by this Anti-God "books and stuff  and not feel tainted by it and not worry that others coming into my home will think that I approve of it or want anyting to do with it?  I mean I don't want anyone to think any of it belongs to me or that I go for any of it.   And then I ask myself, Why on earth do I care?  People that know me know better.  I am very meek and I suck at speaches and anything controversial so I don't "preach" in any way...I wear a cross around my neck to remind me of good things, and I just try to be a descent person who never stops trying to find God and I try to keep an open mind and try to be non-judgemental....
sometimes I don't know up from down, somedays I don't know what's what.  I just keep trying to find God.  I don't know what else to do.

WHY does the bible say to not be unequally yoked...but also says that if you are married to a non-believer that you should stay in the marriage if they wish to stay married to you and that this is a blessing to your marriage and the offspring of the marriage because one of you is a believer???? I don't understand that at all.  I can see why being with a believer would possibly help a non-believer to "see" that the idea of God isn't so bad..but it could also cause the believer to stumble?  It is hard, Very Hard to keep your path towards God when the whole world it seems is trying to push you the other way.  And also, if you as the believer are a blessing to a union with a non-believer, then Why wouldn't you beling friends with a non-believer also be a blessing to them???  Can anyone clarify this?

I would truly appreciate some fellowship with any of you who are married to athiests.  It's very hard.  To those of us who used to believe or be told by other "christians" that we made a bad choice for our lives and we shouldn't be where we are at I'd have to say that cannot be true can it because everything is going according to God's Plan?  But what about people who are married to rapists, murders,wife-beaters, child-molestors..and horrific people like that?  It's also God's will that they are married to harmful persons like that? 

Help!

rrammfcitktturjsp:
Michelle,

  Let me share some of my experiences.  As I have stated on this forum I used to be an atheist as well as some other things.  One of my most defining expereinces happened when I was 18 years old.  All, that I can ask you or advise you to do is to show him love and accept who he is.  If the Anti-God books upset you , get some that you like, don't flaunt them of course, but it is both your house and you should take advantage of it.

  Okay what it boils down to, is not advice, what do You want?  Do you really want to stay in this marriage or get out?  I will not judge you for any thing that you do in your life, that is up to God.  But, if you think it is harmful and there is a child, you can see where I am going with this.  It now comes down to what you think is the best for you and your child and your family.

  Decide what you want to do, and go do it.  God knows the heart and does not look on the outward appearances.  I really cannot give advice, as I am not sure if there is ever a breaking point where the Scripture where you quoted to stay in a relationship with a nonbeliever can ever be put to the side after so much damage and harm as your post says.

  I will definitely poke my head in here when this topic gets posted to.

  I will be praying for you and your family.

  Sincerely,



  Anne C. McGuire

 

Redbird:
Psalm 46

5  God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

9  He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.

10  Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

11  The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.

Prayers are with you, Michele

Lisa

Kat:

Hi Michele,

You are worried about so many things  :(

Phi 4:6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

I too am married to a nonreligious man for many years now... it has not been easy. But with the spirit of Christ, now I am at peace, with the way things are. I still have to deal with things that I don't like, living with someone not seeking God's will at all, is not easy.  I know it is hard to watch those you love make mistakes, because they do not understand this truth. But you have to except that they are right where God wants them too. I understand that God has caused everything that has happened and all that has happened was to prepare me/us for where He wants us to be, and I am certainly okay with that now.

But we are a witness for truth everyday in the way we live. I would think you are a great blessing to your family, because you do know the truth. Even though they do not understand, you are making a very big difference for them, in your example and how you deal with them in love, inspite of there misguided ways.

God loves them too, and He will bring them to an understanding of the truth, when the timing is perfect for them, even if that is later. Try to not worry about getting your family to understand this truth or cause upset among them by trying to change who they are.  Just do the best you can, as God leads you.

If God is opening your eyes to the truth, you should consider yourself to be one of the most fortunate people on the face of the earth, because there are so very few who see this truth.

Pro 3:3  Mercy and truth will not forsake you, tie them on your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart,
v. 4  and you shall find favor and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
v. 5  Trust in Jehovah with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding.
v. 6  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

I will pray for you and your family  :)

mercy, peace, and love
Kat

chuckt:
love him the best you can, be an example and to not be pushy... knowing this:

1Cr 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

thats all i got, and i wish you the best and hang in there!!

grace to you
chuckt

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