LAST NIGHT

[Deborah-Leigh]

Dear Forum


i must say I am feeling a bit shy to share this...a bit exposed if you know what I mean. This is my first post in the testimony section.

Something broke deep down inside of me last night. Is it not strange that spiritual pain is so much more heightened and yet so very different to physical pain?

I could not at first understand why I had this reaction. I was simply and immediately flooded with an engulfing emotion that was set loose from deep within. Tears began to stream out. There was no hysteria or drama, just a steady steam of pain like being lanced within and the wash of emotion just flooding out from deep inside. It hurt.

I got up from the computer. It was about 10 pm and the temperature outside has started to turn chilly where I live. I made myself and my husband a cup of tea. Calmly in the surface of my being but still wounded within, I took my cup of tea, dressed warmly and went and sat on the concrete bench that faces the rose garden just beneath my kitchen windows.

The night was cold. The stars were very clear as there is no pollution where I live in a hilly valley of my surrounds. The dark shadows of the night were moving all around like a Vincent Van Gough's painting of the night.

I had come out with one thing on my mind. I was going to talk to Jesus.

As I sat down, I began to realise that talking was useless and would only be a carnal waste of time. So often I had in the past had long conversations with Jesus and lengthy dialogues of self expression but tonight was different. Something had broken inside of me. Something very deep.

~As I settled down on the cold concrete bench, I began with..."I am not even going to talk! You KNOW. What is the point of my talking? YOU KNOW! Talking is a complete waste of time. YOU KNOW!"

I sat there with the cup of tea hot and comforting to my hands and lips as I sipped it and watched as the wind suddenly got wild and tumultuous around me whipping through the garden not in a steady pattern but in a strange hurling path that seemed to sweep parts of the garden while leaving the other part untouched and calm. This was a very strange night!

Then in my inner mind a thought arose and asked me "Can you hear my whisper?"

At first I ignored this thought because from earlier experiences with dialoguing with Christ, I had become aware that my flesh would sometimes and imperceptibly to me, take over or colour the conversation. This experience became quite infuriating because it tainted and obscured the meanings to suit me and I did not enjoy that one little bit. So as I perceived this thought arise in my mind, "Can you hear my whisper?" my first response was to ignore it flat out because of the state I was in. I was not interested in going backwards into earlier experiences that had previously been painful in my communications with Jesus.

I ignored the thought at first. Instead I watched the shadows and felt the wind get up into higher levels of intensity. I looked at this wind phenomenon and then the sound of the wind began to sound out as if a prelude to a major storm. One of the trees half bent over as the thought returned to my mind "Can you hear my whisper?"

In that moment I decided to give recognition to this question rather than move on leaving it in the dark cold night around me. I saw then that it would be a pity to leave such a thought unanswered and left only to the shadows and disregard. I returned quickly to the thought and answered " Yes Lord YOU KNOW I hear your whisper!"

As immediately as I was articulating this reply in my mind, the recall of Peter responding to the Lord three times....You KNOW I love you....YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW was made relevant and was brought forth as important in my mind.

I thought about that influence in my thinking....YOU KNOW what I know Lord. YOU KNOW what I know.

Then in contrast and completely unexpectedly, the thought came..."Love my souls"....Now that is not what I could even think! LOVE MY SOULS! What the...!

I asked how could this be. Not all souls have the spirit of Christ in them. Some souls are rotten and others are okay....What could this mean. I directed my thoughts to the location in spirit from where this conversation was emerging and received the reply....My souls are the cradles of my Spirit. Some will be destroyed and re-built. Love them all. SEE and know....love them all!

"With what love?" I asked and after I heard the reply. I felt no surprise only a sense of flatness because of course...this answer was the one shown in the teachings by Ray. Agapeo love was the answer.

The garden wind had suddenly quietened. Very strange!.... but nothing feeling strange about it or my being in that moment. Only now in hindsight I can see the exquisite symphony of the moment I was in. All was just as it was as I was being given a very important revelation by direct experience. YOU (Christ Jesus, you )KNOW WHAT I KNOW! I don't know what YOU (Christ Jesus Son of God)  KNOW....YOU ( Son of God )  KNOW WHAT I KNOW...YOU know what Jack knows and what Jill knows and what the butcher the baker and the candle stick maker knows ... and what EVERYONE knows. YOU KNOW!

Then as if a breeze came into my mind, the perception came that Jesus knows all that anyone has ever known.....and it still doesn't equal or even hint at what Christ knows! Trying to know HIM through what everyone else knows is not the way! The way forward for me it to KNOW that HE KNOWS WHAT I KNOW at every given moment and that what I know is not ALL that HE KNOWS.... I do not know what HE KNOWS. My journey is to receive what HE KNOWS and the beginning of this path is now with what He has given to me by direct revelation. "He knows what I know" and I did not know THAT! I had never experienced this knowledge by direct revelation. I knew it by academic transfer of information but NOT by EXPERIENCE!

While I sat there in the garden, I said back in my thoughts that it is never enough these fleeting moments with HIM. It is like the song of Solomon and I feel like that poor woman running through the streets. It is simply not enough!

"It is all ONE...just like Ray says!"....came the echo of a thought as if now viewing me from a distance.


In my mind as I sat in the garden on that cold bench with the hot tea in my hand I recalled the tree of good and evil.

"It is ONE" came the thought to my mind.

Then I recalled and it became clearer that the tree of Life is also ONE tree and that this same tree of the knowledge of good and evil is not the same tree as the tree of Life. You may have seen the post I have placed in the Forum  where I noticed that life eonian and The Life  appeared in a study out of the Scriptures that I made in response to the thread opened by Skydreamers who expressed that her questions might be unimportant!  

As I returned to my post that identified aeonian life v/s  The Life,  the echo thought returned saying "It is all ONE!...."

The thoughts of the spectrum of colour came to my mind. Seven colours. Seven vials, Seven Churches. Seven trumpets.....and the spectrum that passes through the prism into pure white light. The prism is the Christ...the Corner Stone through which the world has its being.

Then the thought came to me...." I am EVERYWHERE!"

As I looked at the garden, the tea mug still warm in my hands I looked around. I could feel those words come to life. He is in the air in the wind in the trees and in the sound, in the comfort of my tea mug warming my hands and here I am, IN HIM>

He pulled up the scriptures from Acts....I FELT IT....I experienced it! In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28

Then I became aware that Peter after he heard Christ say to him ..."feed My SHEEP"...which is NOT what HE said to me....but anyway....I became aware that Peter might not at first  have understood this symbolism because Pentecost had not yet come for him.

What does it mean......"love my souls"....will only be revealed as and when I am ready and in increments degree by degree! But that is okay!

All I know for sure is this. When Jesus said to Peter...feed My Sheep...He gave Peter the command and the command giver will not give such a command to one if he knows that the command will fail. The Commander would also be seen to fail if such were the case. So at this point the words to me...."love My souls" is exactly what I am going to be rewarded with doing because this is how HE is making me.....and He will not give words like that if they are going to fail.

This is a very new revelation ...    Like a butterfly............last night it happened.

..... He  KNOWS....EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE....

Peace to you

Arcturus

[dogcombat]

Beautiful Artucus,

Much like a butterfly.  Our lives are TRANSFORMED from the INSIDE.  Just as the catapillar instincts and characteristics are changed inside its cocoon, so to are we changed through the grace of God.
By being and living in Him.

Ches

[Patrick]

That was beautiful.

I too like to just go outside and experience a different form of "one on one" with God. So many times, I have been out in the desert just sitting and observing everything that is happening; the quail, rabbits, ground squirrels, birds, snakes, spiders, scorpions (yikes), mountains, valleys, springs. And, the wind will pick up and I hear that voice, I made all this (I am everywhere)!!. The tears start to flow like Niagra Falls and I can do nothing to stop them. I fight it, tell myself to stop, someone/something might see me. Like the desert wildlife gives 2 hoots if I'm crying.
It can be some of the most intense times. Like the time a bobcat came in from behind me and just casually looked at me for a few seconds; I imitated Lots wife, not sure I even took a breath for about 45 seconds. I laughed as it walked off with it's little bob tail moving from side to side.

Thank you for sharing that, Arcturus.
He truly is EVERYWHERE.

[rrammfcitktturjsp]

Arcturus,

 I was reading this feeling the goosebumps on my arms.  This was so beuatiful.  Thanks so much for sharing this with us.  Your post reminded me of the Scripture where it says, Be still and know that I am God.  What an awesome testimony.  May God bless you and yours dear Sister in Christ.

 Sincerely,




 Anne C. McGuire

[sansmile]

Arcturus,
I respond with Anne, goosebumps, hair standing up on back of neck. Awesome, i have been through a similar experience......felt i was sat there with Him...not of this world...but an unseen world of spirituallity. In Him and Him in me.

God Bless You

Sandie x

[Kat]

Hi Arcturus,

Thank you for sharing that with us   
As others have shared I too have found that we do need quiet time with God.  I wake up a lot of mornings early, before other have awaken and I have found that this is a good time to meditate and let God speak to me. 
Just like when Jesus went up in the mountain to be alone and pray, we too need time alone with God. 
Your post has made me more aware of need to be still and listen, and given me a blessing in what you received. 

mercy, peace, and love
Kat

[eggi]

Wonderful Arcturus!

Do you know, I had some of the same thoughts a few days ago. I got a glimpse of just how deep "in Him we move and have our being" goes. I felt so close to God when I realized that. In the last few weeks I have been in awe of the miracle that life is, it's just so endlessly rich, and God controls all, and thinking about this just blows my mind!

Thank you for your post, Arcturus, it was an uplifting experience to read it.

God bless you!

[gmik]

Dear Arc.....words are failing me right now.

How beautifully presented <me reading in my imagination an Irish brogue >

NOTHING is to be compared to intimacy w/ Him.  NOTHING.

Thank you for sharing such a wondrous time.

[Redbird]

Dear Arcturus,

That must have been a lovely evening with the Lord, in your garden, during the cool of the day.  A night to remember.  It reminded me of the scripture where Elijah finally heard the Lord speak to him in A STILL SMALL VOICE ~ just a whisper.  He brought to you a message of LOVE.  Thank you for sharing this intimate moment with us.

Love, Lisa

[DWIGHT]

My dear sister Deborah,

These are the moments that we must cherish and remember as long as we are in this body.  We can only learn the spiritual from the physical.  God moves in mysterious ways, and only a few in this age will ever realize this.  By sharing your experience with us, we are able to visualize and share in your experience.  We are one body with many members, but all the members share the same flow with each other. 

Thank you sister, we all praise our wonderful Lord for whispering to us, through you.  "The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit." Jn. 3:8

Your brother,

Dwight

[iris]

Arcturus,

That was so beautiful!
What an encouragement and blessing I have received from your testimony.
Thank you so much for sharing your uplifting experience.

Love and Peace

Iris

[rk12201960]

Blessing to you and yours my dear sister.
I was looking for the words but they just seem pale and void.
Thank you for they wonderful and beautiful blessing you have giving us from Christ.
Your brother in Christ.
Randy

[snorky]

I do a lot of the same kind of thing, only walking up here in the mountains. I DO talk to God a lot (literally, and I am not crazy..if anyone asks why I talk "to myself" I say I'm just talking to the animals---didn't Fransis of Assissi do that?)...and now you have inspired me to LISTEN for a change! Thanks! YOur experience was awesome!--Deb aka snorky

[PKnowler]

Arcturus,

   Thank you for sharing your experience with us. That was beautifully written. It was as though I experienced it with you through your eloquent story telling. I'm sure Africa must be a beautiful place. It is wonderful that you had this special communication with the Lord.

Since I've come to believe the message of Universal Reconciliation and that God is truly sovereign in all situations, that it is not of us to choose God but He chooses us, I have been freed to truly love people. I come from a background of legalism and prejudice. There was always a tendency to judge people for the choices they made and for rejecting Christ. Now I know that it is not of us to choose but He chooses us so there is no need for judgments and prejudices because it is all of God.

The message that you got "Love my Souls" is what I have become free to do since coming to the understanding of Universal Reconciliation. This is the second greatest commandment. It is so wonderful to see people from all walks of life and know that God loves them and has a plan for their life, that he is not going to cast them off and torture them forever like the church teaches. It is also liberating to not feel like I have to go out and convert everyone. That is the work of God. My responsibility is love and to be ready to give an answer for the hope that lies within me when I feel the prompting of the Holy Spirit to do so.

Thank you for reminding us of this most important commandment to Love one another- not just other believers.

Romans 13:8
    Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.

[PKnowler]

That was beautiful.

I too like to just go outside and experience a different form of "one on one" with God. So many times, I have been out in the desert just sitting and observing everything that is happening; the quail, rabbits, ground squirrels, birds, snakes, spiders, scorpions (yikes), mountains, valleys, springs. And, the wind will pick up and I hear that voice, I made all this (I am everywhere)!!. The tears start to flow like Niagra Falls and I can do nothing to stop them. I fight it, tell myself to stop, someone/something might see me. Like the desert wildlife gives 2 hoots if I'm crying.
It can be some of the most intense times. Like the time a bobcat came in from behind me and just casually looked at me for a few seconds; I imitated Lots wife, not sure I even took a breath for about 45 seconds. I laughed as it walked off with it's little bob tail moving from side to side.

Thank you for sharing that, Arcturus.
He truly is EVERYWHERE.

Hey Patrick,

   I really enjoyed you sharing as well. I use to live in Arizona so I know about the wildlife there and the serene nights up in the mountains in Prescott. The sky there seemed more blue and the clouds more fluffy white. There is something peaceful about the dessert. I've always enjoyed the monsoons. I have sat out many times under a covering and watched the lightning and the wind blow things around as the storm brewed. There were many times of intimacy with the Lord when I found a place of refuge and comfort in Him as the storm raged -that includes the storms in my life.

Life is alot calmer these days. I am filled with awe about how far God has brought me and the blessings He has bestowed on me. I live in Missouri now and the pastures are green and my life is lush. I have much to be thankful for! One of Greatest Blessings He has given is the knowledge of His Love, that His atonement that covers ALL people, and all the other wonderful truths and fellowship I have here. I look forward to this walk with the Lord and the adventures in discovery of Him!

Patrick I wanted to point out how much your post blessed me. I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who weeps in His presence. It isn't something I can control either. I've often wondered why I weep, like you said "the flow like Niagara Falls". I think it is because I am so enraptured in His love and feel so unworthy that I am undone. Perhaps I shouldn't try to analyze it but it never fails, I weep when I find that place of intimacy with the Lord. I don't believe it is merely emotionalism either but it is very emotional.

There is something so edifying about seeing someone else love and worship the Lord too.

Thank you, Patrick and Arcturus you've blessed me! 

[skydreamers]

Hi Arcturus,

Wow, what a beautiful and inspiring story!  Thank you for overcoming your shyness and sharing.

I know what you mean here:

While I sat there in the garden, I said back in my thoughts that it is never enough these fleeting moments with HIM. It is like the song of Solomon and I feel like that poor woman running through the streets. It is simply not enough!

Won't it be amazing when one day we will be with Him always?!  In the meantime it is wonderful to share with others so that the blessing of these special intimate experiences might be passed on.   I know it's not the same as being there and experiencing it for yourself, but as with others here, I too was moved and inspired to seek out my own special quiet time with God in nature. 

This is why I love testimonies so much.  Even if it feels like the Lord is silent for a time in one's own life, the testimonies of others is a constant reminder that He is there, everywhere, moving and working...always.

Thank you Arcturus,
God Bless,
Diana

[Deborah-Leigh]

To all of you who have responded:

Your words of gentleness, your sharing that you too have been in HIS presence and your encouragements all together have been like gossamer weave that now covers my nakedness before you. Thank you!

We are all naked before HIM and He has shown me His presence again through each of you. He Blesses us all as he continues to make Himself and the Father known to us all as he stands at each of our hearts, knocks and comes with the Father to supper with us at our table...in the desert, alone on a mountain in a windy garden or in those moments that escape words or description. At our poor naked tables He honours us with His presence and gives meaning as our bread of life to our experiences of life that seem void and meaningless futility changing what appears as only a little childs lunch insufficinet for the hunger that surrounds us within and chokes us to tears sometimes, into words for our testimonies of the glory and honour and splendour of HIM and never leaving us poor or as orphans.

He is here with you, with YOU right where you are! I know it. I feel it....He knows what I know....He knows.....YOU and US and HE is drawing us as an artist draws a masterpiece into His image and into His embrace that He has let you all feel and know!

Peace in fellowship

Your Arcturus

[Robin]

Thank you for sharing Arcturus.

That small whisper can really work so much within us. I think if God ever raised is voice it would just be way too much for us to handle. I think of those at the bottom of the mountain begging that God would stop speaking. I can just imagine. His word does not return void.

Isaiah 55:11
So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

He is so gentle with us even though that which is accomplished may bring much pain. We can be certain that it is all accomplished with love.

Many hugs to you,
MG

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hello MG

That thought did cross my mind! I am so glad you posted that! i so agree with you!

Exodus 33 : 22 And while My glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft of the rock and cover you with My hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will take away My hand and you shall see My back; but My face shall not be seen.

Warm hugs to you MG...Warm hugs...sister

Arcturus

[Bev]

I really enjoyed this article. It nice to hear others testify of their intimacy with THE LORD. I was just wondering though, does anybody else ever experience down's where you don't feel that close intimacy with THE LORD. Satan tries to make me feel like I've done something or I'm not doing something. I always love Him, I just feel cold at times. Be honest. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm bipolar or something.