I have a little bit of time today so I thought I would share a little bit about myself. I am a married mother of four. I am homeschooling my kids at this point but we are looking into private education for next year. I have a wonderful, loving husband and we have been married for ten years in June.
I have had my share of ups and downs in this life, but as I mentioned before, I was just going on my "merry way" when I ran into the Bible Truths site. I have so many thoughts that run through my mind on a daily basis, that it is difficult for me to put it all to paper clearly and succinctly. I think I will just try to touch on a few things here that are major issues for me.
I have been slowly reading through all of Ray's teachings and I, of course, understand some and get stuck on other of his teachings. I do not know if I agree with all that Ray teaches, but so much that He has said makes so much sense to me and has jumped out at me in the scripture since I have been studying.
Sometimes I feel like I am only being allowed to see the truth, but not to understand or believe all of it yet. My prayer was, "show me the truth," and I know in my heart that God has done just that. Yet the doubts pop up all the time when I look around at all the people in my life-great people-who seem to be caught up in our church life and the teachings of Babylon.
I guess the true problem is, I weigh it all out in my mind logically and I don't want to look at the people in my church as blind teachers and followers. Many of them are very giving, loving, and honest people-I would say most. The church I am in doesn't teach what Ray does-of course-but the church is NOT money hungry, and the people in it are united and caring people. The pastor of the church is a good humble man who seemingly truly loves the Lord-at least his life seems to show this. Sure it isn't perfect, that's for sure! But it isn't one of those places that tells the world that if you don't do this and this and this, then you are not one of God's children. It doesn't beg for money ever! I think most people give quite willingly.
I guess part of me aches because I do not want to follow lies-that is why I begged God for answers, but my husband is not completely on board with the things I have tried to share with him. He has promised me to study things like the existence of hell with me, but we haven't had the chance to do it together. He is a good man, and he is an assistent to our pastor as well as the music person in our church. That makes it even harder for me to ever think that I won't be caught up in a church at this point.
I have been a Sunday School teacher this year, and when I found the Bible Truths site, teaching became difficult for me, as I did not want to lead children to lies myself. I found myself skipping parts in the story that just didn't mesh with my newfound truth of scripture.
For a while before I found the Truth, I was becoming disallusioned with all the "work" that I had been doing at church. I was overwhelmed with homeschooling, and parenting and I wanted to stop doing anything at church, but did not stop everything because I knew that it would hurt my husband, and would inconvenience others. But I was depressed and dreaded going to church and facing anyone because of it.
I would often wonder exactly what it was that we as a church were doing that was so great in the first place. I would share with my husband that we aren't really reaching a whole lot of "lost " people, and I was bothered by that, but at the same time scared to death to "witness" to anyone about Christ and the Gospel.
After I found Bible Truths, I think my mind was in a spin for a while, but I feel more at peace now than I ever did in my life, yet at the same time, more confused and unsure than I have ever felt in my life. I am not anxious about most things that make people anxious(like life after death), but I wish that I knew exactly what I believe. I don't want to believe a lie! I want to believe the truth-and just what is the Truth?
It is funny how many times I have read something of Rays-or in the Scripture-and gone back in the past where I silently questioned that very thing. What has kept me planted in this very spot is the fact that I prayed for the truth and that so much of what Ray says DOES make sense.
I am going to continue reading and studying when I can(usually late at night
) and asking questions too!
I think part of me just wishes I could snap my fingers and "see" it all, no doubting, or wondering about anything-just knowing!! But God has made it not so.
I do need wisdom concerning the whole church thing. I am not yet strong enough to approach my pastor with what I have learned-maybe someday I will be.
It is great to be here-I wish I had more time to read and comment more. Thank you all for the fellowship-it's kind of like a sigh of relief for me in a way-even though I do not really know anyone yet-and I am a VERY new forum member! I enjoy reading!!
Blessings,
Beth