I would caution you to not dwell on these matters and seek God.
I try but I'm a pretty good worrier and dweller.
But I am slowly but surely learning to seek God and rely on him completely. He has a way of getting my attention by repeating certain bible verses over and over until I get the message. They seem to appear everywhere and out of nowhere - anyone else experience this?
Anyway, for the past month, Proverbs 3:5-6 has been popping up in the strangest places, when I least expect it:
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
I'm pretty dense
, so while I've been stressing over certain trials in my life that seem to never end, He keeps saying, "Just trust me. Stop trying to figure out what's going on. Just trust me, in all things, and I'll lead you the right way."
It's hard, when so many things are uncertain. Not to mention, coming out of the church, the one place I felt God had been LEADING me to all my life, is difficult. I don't feel any pull to remain but I do feel a bit lost and very alone. But it's such a blessing to be able to fellowship with all of you here.