Coming Back for Good

[UncleBeau]

I'm using this topic to describe what it was like for me to come back to my first love. Sometimes I suppose it's good for people to not only have something to sympathise with, but to also get to know someone on a personal level through testimony. That's what God gives to me: a testimony is for edification to the body. Why wouldn't it be? -so I figured that I would give you a little story for the purpose of showing you one way that God uses what seems as the worst situations to make you finally let go of what you think you want for the good of His Purposes. I like to write a lot, so this might get a little lengthy; but I'll give you the shortest version I can.

When I was little, I used to talk to God. Not really praying or anything (I didn't know what praying was), but What I knew from my parents was minimal: God made everyone and He's in Heaven. That's all I had to go by. I was an only child for a while and my closest friend from school was miles away, so whenever I was alone, I just talked to Him, almost like he was my "imaginary" friend.

When I was thirteen or so, we moved to N.C. and for the first time, we went to a church. It was nondenominational, so I never really had experience with different beliefs. I remember specifically when I learned about "hell" through the church, asking God in my mind whether or not I'm going to be safe from a place like that. A woman stood up in silence immediately after and said, "Don't be afraid for you are not condemned". I put a lot of thought into it, but it was the only thing I had at the time to believe that God was there and that He heard me. Not too long after that, a few months maybe, we left there because my parents were betrayed (to put it in a kind way) by what they thought were friends who attended there. We never went back, but it only confirmed certain skeptical beliefs that even atheists hold with churches. A lot of bigotry and greed among the people there.

I lived for a while like an everyday American Highschool student with a Rock & Roll background. I did a lot of drugs, swore all the time, Put myself first every now and then. I didn't feel myself changing much, just the things I liked to do. I would have given a pretty quasi-sound debate to anyone who condemned my actions. I didn't really break the law or anything, so I don't have a gigantic epic story; just subtle changes. I still talked to God, but the more and more I lived contrary to His Word, the more I asked questions and the less I got the answers. I could feel through my conscience the difference between right and wrong, but it didn't dictate the decisions I made.

I got married at the age of 20. I met this girl through my best friend. I knew she had a crush on me beforehand....long story short. She didn't believe in God, but I loved her anyway. Most of her insensible beliefs kind of stemmed from her little brother getting run over by a car when he was 7. I thought for a long time I could change her. Guess what, you cannot speed up or slow down the time that God reveals truth to someone, no matter what you may think.
Towards the end of five years, she kept getting meaner, angrier, for what reason I didn't know. She received every superficial security that a worldly girl would want, but it wasn't enough. I thought at the time if I kept giving more, she would love me more; or she might believe that God was taking care of her though me. That's just the way my mind worked at the time. She started sneaking around....that's when my whole world fell apart. I eventually made myself forgive her, but she left anyway. I smoked two packs a day and drank all the time for the next six months. All I did was go to work and come home. I kept asking God why this would happen if He loved me so much, but I wasn't angry with Him. I really wanted to know why it happened(silly ol' me didn't even think about how much sin had to do with it on my end). Around the end of six months, I hadn't eaten in a while, I was still drinking, still smoking too much, I got a stomach ulcer, shook a lot. I could literally feel my body dying. I didn't go crazy, but understand that I pitted all of my security on my wife. She was my assurance that I had it good, or at least I thought.
One night, I couldn't take my loss any more and I broke down and screamed as loud as I could. I remember exactly what I said. "Please Help me! I can't take it anymore! I give up!" I cried on my knees for what seemed like hours. The TV was on and oddly enough it was one of those Jesus movies with bad acting, but at the moment I payed attention to it, Jesus said ,"...verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you". I didn't understand the message as much as I knew that moment was for me from Him. I started laughing a little; but what I remember was smiling for the first time in a long time. He reached in and reminded me that all my life He was always there.

I started learning the Bible and downloaded tons of teachings and for about three months or so, that's all I did. After that, my parents told me about a church they just went to last week and asked me if I'd come. This is what I'd been waiting for! A great chance to fill in the holes of what I'd been learning and maybe they can answer some questions for me! For three or so years, I learned so much I couldn't even see myself transform into who I am now. God set me up for everything that I have now, but understand this: instead of gaining wealth in the form of money or possessions, He's been giving me spiritual wealth, which is what we're here for.

It wasn't until maybe six months ago that I found this site and was distraught at how it was scripturally sound, but it contradicted almost everything I had learned. My heart couldn't let me keep going to church. I was angry for a little while at the lies that people believe without question. No one I talked to believes it except for my fiance, who let me show her the scriptural evidence of certain points. That's why God led me to her now rather than any other time. Either way, I'm still keeping in touch with most of the people in the church, until I get married, which is at the end of this month. After that, we're going to study the Word with believers that have been given the truth, like yourselves.

What I've learned about God is that He appointed everything that happened to me for me to be where I am now. Everything for a purpose, everything for a time. Nothing was out of His control. He's been directing me since the beginning, even when some would prophecy a long time ago to me to be a man of God while I was still high! 

To everyone that isn't sure whether or not God will use you for something good. He's using you right now, you just don't know it yet.

- Beau

[hillsbororiver]

Great testimony Beau,

It is always very interesting and gratifying to hear how our sisters and brothers were dragged to our Lord.

Thank you,

Joe

[gmik]

Wow.  Beau, what a testimony!!!  I just never tire of hearing how God reaches down and can touch us!  We were this way, and now we are that way!  Only God can change us.  It did take that heart wrenching, true, cry from your inner being.  No games there!!

And getting married in a month?? God is so Good!

[Kat]

Hi Beau,

Well it is great to see that God has brought you out of the darkness and into the light 
We all have to go through an experience of evil in this life.  But what you came to understand is so true. 

What I've learned about God is that He appointed everything that happened to me for me to be where I am now. Everything for a purpose, everything for a time. Nothing was out of His control. He's been directing me since the beginning

Thanks for sharing your testimony with us.  And many blessing on your marriage.

mercy, peace, and love
Kat

[dogcombat]

Wow Beau,

It can truly be said of your testimony that "With God, ALL things are possible". Matt 19:26 (KJV)

Ches

[mari_et_pere]

Awesome Beau!!!!!!!! Great testimony my friend! You endured hardship and came out on top with help from God, and look at ya now! How cool is that?

Matt

[hebrewroots98]

Hello Beau and fiancee' (what is her name?)  What an interesting testimony!  I think it is awesome that God has been preparing this woman for you all of this time ...AND THAT SHE IS A REAL BELIEVER...like those of us here.  Blessings on your search together as a couple for the deeper things of His truths.  You will have a lifetime together to share your findings with each other...God  gave you just what you needed Beau....someone to support you and your beliefs and He filled your loneliness too!  Wow...what some here on the forum wouldn't give to be have an equally yoked spouse to live with.    ...and just think...now you can become fulfilled by having little munchkins whom you can teach your new truths with too!   That is awesome!  Maybe the two of you can get onto the forum together; that would help both of you to grow from the same foundation found here.

[UncleBeau]

thanks folks,
for hebrewroots98, her name is Nola(first and only Nola I've ever met) and you're right, I wouldn't have been ready for her, not even if I knew the truth before hand! We shared the same beliefs when we met. This is proof enough for me to accept "when" God gave me Truth. I could give testimonies all day long to you, but this is how God put me through a process to come to the truth and to realize just how good "good" is.

-Beau

[hebrewroots98]

AMEN  BROTHER!  KEEP US UPDATED AS TO WHEN THE SPECIAL WEDDING DAY ARRIVES...YOU ARE TRULY BLESSED . 

I THANK GOD THAT  HE CAUSED MY DH AND I  'COME OUTOF HER' TOGETHER AND THEN TO THE TRUTH FOUND HERE AT BT.  WE ARE EQUALLY YOKED AND GOD KNEW THAT WE NEEDED THAT!  WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 21 YRS AND WE WILL BE MARRIED FOR 17 YRS ON 07-07-07!

[UncleBeau]

That's great! why did you wait four years to get married?

[hebrewroots98]

We waited b/c it took awhile for us to get to know each other at the start, and then I  went into the Army which stationed me out of state.

[GODSown1]

wow! OrsuM! Beau,
                              All soundz 2 familiar Praise the LORD & may  HE Bless U & ur wife 2 b Nola in all wayz. Look 4ward ma brother n sister in CHRIST JESUS, Thanks 4 d@ dudE ur (Testimony) it was inspiring! Testimonies give me gr8! strength 2 move on & 2 just Glorify GODS Mighty name even more, I hope 2 meet 1 day brother GOD Willn of coZ,
                               much muchLOVE!! Pera

ps. Jus rmembred I hav a nieghbor named NOLA lol!, aw! & Susan d@s so freakie az jus da other dae I was finkn wow! hw awesum! will da day 07/07/07  would be, NICE!!! muchBLESSNz!

[hebrewroots98]

Yes, Pera that is kind of freaky!  If anyone understands what these numvers mean...please post and let us know.  All that I know is that 7's represent perfection...of some sort    

[GODSown1]

d@s enuff Susan lol! .
                                           muchLOVE!! sister alwayZ! U go gurl, wen u got it U got it
                                           muchLOVE!! Pera

[DuluthGA]

Thanks for your history/testimonial as well as congratulations UncleBeau!

You have good penmanship so to speak, and I very much appreciated your story!  (You have a good way with words! 

God bless you for what you've been through, as well as us all.

Early in your story, your words of "bigotry and greed" resounded within me as classic carnal man.  We've all be there and now we're glad we're not.  If these "attributes" are perceived around/near us, the sting is assuredly felt and it's not pretty, never pretty, so I have heard and felt what you were sayin'... with His spirit [power] we can detect these superfluous items.

'HE REACHED INTO YOUR LIFE.'  Yep, mine too.  He is as real as real can be.  I try to snuggle away time throughout the busy day to bow my head in quiet to Him and ask Him to come/stay in.  LET US KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP GOING so to speak, HEY HEY!!!  I would surely extinguish as a viable person without such and surely you feel likewise.  Keep it up up up!!!

Another hightlight from knowing you:  "GOD SET ME UP ( for what I have now.")  I concur again big time!  All I know is God picked me, I wasn't looking for Him, He sort of found me as I was, has taken me and is doing something very intereting with me.

I will pray for you and yours tonight.  Thank you for your encounter again!

With joy in my Father and my Master, Janice

[UncleBeau]

Thanks, Janice

I do feel likewise. Without the grace of God, every imagination of the thoughts of our hearts would be only evil continually" Gen. 6:5.  Some people don't understand that. So, not only does God inspire us to do good, because of grace, He keeps us from doing evil things like our carnal minds want us to do. Sometimes you hear a lot of people say things like, "don't tell me how to live my life!" The funny thing is, it's not our life to live. It's God's life. It came from Him. He sows it, invests it, produces fruit from it, multiplies it.....and what do we do? We just use it (or some would say 'live it'). So what's it to us if God gives us life to show us the best way to use it? Who are we to argue? Everyone will eventually come to the realization that we aren't here to gain life just to gain it. It's for a purpose. You're right though when you said "he picked me". Is it because he loves you? Doesn't he love everyone? The best part about this life for me is getting closer to "why" He chose me. I know it's not because I'm special or that God loves me more or anything like that; so there's a mystery I get reminded of every day. Thanks for the comments!

your friend,

-Beau

[hebrewroots98]

Beau,

Believe it or not, God does love those who obey his commands MORE than those who do not...(Here is something to try to wrap your brain around!!!)  (read
Rays' paper/audio (from this last spring) about this very subject  (I'm sorry, I forget at the moment the name of the paper/audio, but i t has to do with the different types of love mentioned in the Bible.  Like the difference between Agape love and of Phileo love.   God AGAPE'S (legalistic) ALL OF HIS CREATION B/C HE WILL SAVE EVERYONE ONE DAY; BUT HE PHILEO'S (FRIENDSHIP) THOSE WHO DO HIS WILL. )  We are HIS BUDDIES and HE loves to fellowship with us b/c HE knows that we are serious believers, followers, and doers of His ways.  Amazing info on here.  I know that I learned so much after hearing this.  It is true that HE does show favoritism in this life toward the beleivers who are searching for the truth with ALL (not just some) of their heart!!!  This BT site is proof that HE loves us enough to give us these truths that HE does not entrust to many others!!!!!  

[UncleBeau]

Hey Susan,

Yeah, I've listened to that audio several times. I actually have it on CD in my car today. I really don't believe he loves us "more" than others in the sense that 'we' can love more or less. Remember, God is not a man. He appointed us to do (ex. following His commandments) what we're appointed to do before we're born for His purposes. From what I got from that audio, Ray was speaking about "in what manners" God loves us, not in what quantity. I believe God "phileos" you and I, whereas He doesn't love nonbelievers in that way, but still "agapes" them. If we were appointed to do just as we do, then he makes us do His commandments and won't love us any "more" because of it. The idea of favoritism is very dangerous because that's how the carnal church operates. Also, if God's love is perfect, there is no "more or less" to it. It's perfect. All of creation is receiving His perfect love because we're ALL in the middle of his plan for ALL of mankind. We, just like those who do not do His will, are playing our part just as we are appointed to.

your friend,

-Beau

[hebrewroots98]

True, in his terms HE loves everyone equally.  But, in human terms/understanding (in this life), HE is showing favoritism to those of us whom HE has shown these hidden treasures to (like the diff between the 10 virgins that went to the marriage supper of the LORD; (albeit it is a parable) , only 5 of them were His favorites.  I think we're saying the same thing here though; it was all planned to be this way from the beginning.
blessings brother!
Susan

[UncleBeau]

I think we're understanding the same principles, just have different ways of explaining 'em.  Thanks for your imput Susan!