How to drive in Phoenix

[Patrick]

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS."

2. The morning rush hour is from 5 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number.
Anything less is considered "wussy."

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be given the "one finger salute" accordingly.  If you return the salute, you'll be shot.

7. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

10. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same road.

11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands and a towel on your seat.

13. Beware of your seatbelt, as during summer months it can cause second or third degree burns.

[iris]

        



Iris

[DuluthGA]

These rules could've easily been refering to Atlanta-area traffic and heat.

Dear Lord and Father,
If for no other reason, please deliver me from this traffic-ridden world a.s.a.p.    Amen.

Janice

P.S. I realize that getting jammed and going slow does give me extra time to pray and commune with You... for which I thank you... however...  it would be better and beneficial if You wind this all up pretty soon... 

WE GOT SOME BAD TRAFFIC HERE FOLKS!!! 

[Sue Creamer]

I commute in the Washington DC area and I couldn't help but feel like the points fit perfectly to what I go through everyday...I find personally that dealing with the "attitudes" associated with morning and evening rush hour are the most trying for me.  I believe God is using this aspect of our world to teach me patience, LOVE and forgiveness to those who take, push, shove, disrespect, disregard others and refuse to obey the laws.  Guess you can see God has his hands full with me...   

Thank you for the post.
Sue

[hillsbororiver]

I am with all you guys, the traffic and heat here in Tampa is a combination producing very few positives. It can do wonders for developing patience..... if you don't lose your mind first. 

Here is a recent article in regard to this (and Miami's) situation;

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/miami/sfl-716driving,0,5858192.story

[gmik]

Patrick that was a hoot!!!

I was in Phoenix back in the 70's so it wasn't bad then.

Recently I have driven in Atlanta (god-awful) and DC(god-awful).
If this were a vote I would have to say DC is the worst-anytime day or night.  My son lived there for 2 years (Alexandria).  I still shudder to think of it.  Sue you get the trophy!!

I imagine LA and NY are bad too, tho.

Joe thanks for the link.  I send stuff like that to my son in NPR.

Me?  I have a 20 min. commute to school. I pass 1 red light and 2 stop signs.  All the rest are corn fields and cows!!

[Patrick]

When I posted this, I also was thinking most of these could relate to many areas.

You folks think driving an automobile is trying, drive an 18 wheeler amongst all the madness.

Interesting article, Joe.
I noticed that of the 13 vehicles towed, most were bikes. Bikers!

Gena, I miss the 1 signal, 2 stop signs, fields and cows commute.

[hillsbororiver]

Hi Gena,

Your ride to work sounds very peaceful & scenic, must be a nice way to start the day. Withing a minute of pulling out of my driveway I am on I-75 with many wanna be NASCAR drivers, I tend to leave before 6 AM so it really isn't so bad but if I don't get that early start it becomes an adventure real quick!

Hey Patrick,

I suspect a good many of the bikes were towed because the driver did not have a motorcycle license, in Florida you need a separate license for cars and/or bikes, this was not always the case and many of the good ol' boys never got around to getting a bike license (I know of a couple myself) and more than a few (younger ones) buy a bike before getting the license and can't resist driving it even though it will be a giant inconvenience if they get caught.

See ya,

Joe

[jER]

Thanks for the laugh, Patrick!

And, to think that I thought the "one finger salute" was an indication that "I was number one."
So, I would give them the number two sign - PEACE! 

- jER