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I'm at a loss.
ciy:
Good post Ward.
CIY
UncleBeau:
hey Beth,
Most times, I like to speak plainly; although the scriptures are where we find truth, sometimes people want to hear an answer to something after the same manner as their question. With most of your questions, are you not asking the same question? It really just sounds to me like you're looking for the next step. I agree with Ray though, you won't quit certain things until even entertaining the thought makes you sick to your stomach; and this will only happen when you stay in the Word and God puts it in you to utterly hate your carnal mind or whatever you do because of it. The more and more God brings you into the Truth, the more and more you will HATE the lie (the lie in this sense is our carnal mind's false justification for sin). I used to take drugs when I was a teenager. I loved doing it; even when it made me "feel bad" for doing it, I still "felt good" when I did. But God showed me through a slow process what it does to people and how it makes them act, think, etc... I saw the "truth" of that sin and of that desire. I've heard tons of people quote the phrase "let go and let God", but the truth of the matter is God WILL have his way. I pray for your quick understanding in what He's doing in your life.
your friend,
-Beau
aktikt:
I just wanted to add. This is a great forum. Many of you are acting like the good samaritan in the parable. It really touched my heart to hear how everyone was trying to comfort Beth.
In thinking about how words have this power to comfort, I thought of this,
Ecc 12 The words of the wise [are] as goads, and as nails fastened [by] the masters of assemblies, [which] are given from one shepherd.
skydreamers:
Beth and Lori....I think I'm in the same club as you! I struggle with many similar things as you two, being a homemaker and mother of two small children. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband...a dream come true...but sometimes it almost makes me feel worse because he seems to be better at everything...like cooking, being organized, having energy, being creative.....etc etc etc. He'd have this household in tip top running shape if we was the one staying at home. I am a dreamer, with my head in the clouds most of the time (hence my handle...skydreamers). Prone to meloncholy, swinging moods and all that. And then there are a host of sins which I won't at this time embarrass myself by listing....yes it does seem an endless, fruitless battle some days...
Just today I re-listened to Ray's audio talk on Repentance because part of it he shares some of his testimony and I find it comforting and hopeful for the rest of us who are still struggling so....
http://forums.bible-truths.com/index.php/topic,3709.0.html
Boy, I was so thankful for one thing though: GRACE. Boy was I glad that this bible talked about Grace because there was nobody who needed grace more than me! And I thought that I sort of understood it. I was pretty convinced that there are no spiritually converted people because number one, I made a “jolly good” try at it. I made a good stab at it. I gave it the good college try. And I wasn’t converted. And you know what, I didn’t know of anybody else who was converted either. I didn’t know of one human being on this earth that I could say, “that person is spiritually converted”. I didn’t know of any, and I knew I wasn’t, so I thought it didn’t exist. I thought true spiritual conversion did not even exist. And that what Grace did: you did the best you could, and where you didn’t do very good, it just filled in the gaps. And that was about as spiritual as my mind would go for a long time.
But God was working with me. I didn’t know it. I just thought I’m drifting through life. But God was working with me, for me, sometimes against me (which was also for me). I finally did come to the place where I started looking at this whole thing afresh, that this is God doing it, and I’m thinking about this repentance business again. What good does it do to repent, if you can’t stop doing the things you repented of? I mean, that’s just hypocrisy isn’t it? You repent of all these sins and you keep doing them. So… but I felt a guilt, there was a guilt in doing this or that, thinking this and thinking that, and the guilt would start to drive me away from it. I couldn’t handle the guilt. I just didn’t want to be guilty about this stuff so I would stop doing it. Because I just wanted to get away from the guilty mind. And so some things went by the wayside that way; that was the way it worked. You know, just out of sheer guilt I didn’t want to do them anymore. And I didn’t do them anymore, I quit this and that and so on… and I guess God was turning me towards Him. I was not learning anything new; there were no new revelations. Just something was happening in my life.
And then, I started to take an interest in the scriptures again. And I don’t know that my understanding was all that much better, but I was trying. I was reading and trying. And I can’t even remember when I started to see things. (Where did that come from?) And I kept wanting to change. I just felt that, that was necessary: change. You know, be more like God wants me to be. And I wanted to understand the scriptures and I clearly didn’t. I mean, I had a superficial understanding of them. I even knew about the reconciliation of ALL. I had come to understand that we don’t have a free will. I was that far along…but I was still not really changing my life.
But then God started to make me feel convicted about my sins that I still had. But I was convinced you couldn’t overcome them! You know, when you are in your 50’s and still not able to conquer these sins…when? How? Will it ever happen? I was pretty convinced it wouldn’t happen. But I’m thinking about these things more and I’m studying. And then I started finding that some things I was doing I didn’t need to do anymore. And it isn’t anything I did. God just took something away from me. Took away a burden, a sin, a guilty conscience about something. Just took it away and it was no longer a struggle. But I never stopped wanting to get rid of it ALL. That was always there. Get rid of it all. (You all want to know what those things were….it doesn’t matter, they’re all the same!) You know, lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, pride of life….
You can’t take credit for it; in His time He will do it. If you are going to be one of the few that are actually chosen, then God is going to do it. So why am I up here telling you if He’s going to do it, just go home and let Him do it! Right? Because God uses the “foolishness of teaching”, that’s why. That’s the only reason I’m up here. He uses the foolishness of preaching. Some of you will remember this day. It will be a turning point in your life! You’ll say, “that Saturday afternoon Ray was preaching about Repentance, it changed my life forever!” That is, if God has decided that is what today will do for you…
So I was wanting to repent of everything. EVERYTHING. I didn’t want to hold on to anything! Give it all up. And in my heart and mind, I was able to do it. And I didn’t have to struggle! I mean, I struggled all my life against these sins and now I didn’t have to struggle anymore. The temptations would come up, but I would just put a stop on it. That was it; God put me in control. And I didn’t have to fight it night and day. It just started to take care of itself. Because there was a power working in my mind that I didn’t have before. It was now God’s time to do that.
Hope this helps you guys too,
Peace,
Diana
bambam:
Diana,
Thanks for that. I have to say that I am with you on the whole head in the clouds thing. I am totally a dreamer. It's hard to live in the real world sometimes. I am just waiting and hoping for the day when God has purposed for me to change. It's obviously not at this very moment, but maybe He is already working on it!
Thanks for all the encouragement from everyone else as well! One day at a time is what I have to do-and I will keep doing.
Blessings!
Beth :)
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