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I'm at a loss.

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bambam:
If we can make choices, but only according to the millions of circumstances placed on us on a daily basis, and in the end, there is only one choice that we can possibly make, I have a problem.  I keep making the wrong choices.  Not in everything, but in some things.  I am failing at being a good mom, and a good homemaker for my family.  I am not organized and I can be extremely lazy.  I want to change deep down, but I have not been able to do it.  Should I just give it up and be happy?  Because I am at times most miserable, knowing all my faults and flaws and hating them. 

I guess what I am trying to say is, am I just supposed to accept myself how I am at the moment because there is not much I can do about it anyways?  Or, is my thinking totally wrong here?  If God is going to make me a good mom and homekeeper, he will, and I should just stop beating myself over the head about all the things I do wrong, and be happy.  Or am I just sinning by not trying to change?  This has me so confused and feeling horrible.  I want to change, but it's just not happening.  Yet I don't think it would be right for me to quit trying to change, even though I just want to give up so badly! 

If I keep trying, and failing, I will continue to be miserable.  God is in control, so He'll change me when it's time for me to change.  I just want to live life without the guilt and anger of failure.  Should I just let go of some of these things I am trying to change but not doing a very good job at?  I sure hope this makes sense.

Pax Vobiscum:
The tone of your post is disheartening to say the least.  Anyone who has not at some time felt as you do now is likely living in a parallel universe.

Much of your post, however, seems to be in the whirl of the old "Free Will" argument -- WHICH WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER BE RESOLVED DURING OUR LIFETIMES (with apologies to Ray) -- which crops up from time-to-time.  You can see how quickly one's head can get into a neverending circular argument and all one ends up with is a headache (Those who lean toward free moral agency can be enlightened, chosen, and elect, btw!).

I have said it before and shall say it one more time -- whether we enjoy free will or not, we must live as if we do!

Pray for guidance, act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God and you will find peace.  Keep it simple.  Stick with the birds of the air and the lilies of the field.  Don't let others' expectations blur your vision.  Forget Free Will and work toward Iron Will.

Peace

YellowStone:
BamBam,

What a wonderful insightful post. Been there done that thought of thing.

The opportunities given in any circumstance have no right or wrong answers and sometimes the truth behind the lesson becomes apparent after the event.

Dear sister, listen to your heart, hear and feel God. You will soon notice a change; obligation will change to need. What I mean is that you will no longer feel obligated to change as in (I must change or else) but rather you will begin to feel the need to do what ever you a putting off. God does not use a standard template, so do not worry about what you are for God has you where you need to be. That you are questioning is great.

Listen to your heart for His Spirit is with you and trust him always okay. You might find that your life is not as bad as you might think. :)

Sometimes it takes a lot of time and a lot of prayer.

Love in Christ,
Darren

bambam:
Thank you Pax and Darren.  Very comforting words!  I think I really just need alot of encouragement right now!  I am thinking it IS going to take alot of time and alot of prayer. ;)  Thanks again for your words!

Beth :) 

ciy:
Bambam

I understand your dilemna.  I believe everyone that God is drawing to Him is going through the same thing. When the Pharisees questioned Jesus' disciples eating with dirty hands, Jesus corrected them and said why do you worry about the outside of the cup and not the inside?  Think about this.  Meditate on it.

If I, through my own will power, make myself clean up and do good then I will become as a Pharisee and take pride in what I have accomplished.  Only if I continue to focus on God and realize through His word that it is Christ in me and that I will be one of the fruits after the one First Fruit, can I actually realize that it is Christ in me.  Only when that old man in me dies can I get close to becoming the image of Christ.  If I compromise with the old man, I am putting my hand to the plow and looking back.  

It is true patience to wait on the Lord.  Wait on the Lord to reveal it.  We want to rush into the change and we forget that Abraham was 100 years old, Moses was in the wilderness for 40 years before he was in it again for 40 years, Joseph was in prison for approx 17 years, David hid in caves for some 15 or so years, and Paul was in Arabia for 14 or so years before they were dramatically changed and they were still far from perfect.  

I like Ray's talk on being saved is the hardest thing you will ever do.  

Think about a dog on a leash (sp), he can jerk and pull and try to go in his direction but in the end he is going where you want him to go.  Somewhat the same with us.  We pull against God thinking we can go where we want to go, when we end up at the end of all things exactly where God wants us.  Now think that if that little dog's heart changed so that he wants to go whereever you want him to go.  He will end up in the same place as before but he will have much more joy and not be anywhere near as worn out, but he learned over many times to go where his master wanted him to go.

Anyway, this is not advice it is just some of the thoughts I have because I too am in your situation.
CIY

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