Sorin,
You are called of God, you are worthy in God's eyes, you are not your own but belong to God. We humans don't have a choice in anything about ourselves!!! God has called and preordained YOU to be who you are whether to honor or not to honor, and to experience the things in this life you have, because of his plan for you and all of humanity.
I am sure that all of us here in this forum at one time or other have felt the same feelings you are now..after all, we all have murdered, stole, lied, lusted and hated God...!!! NONE of us have escaped. Be encouraged that YOU are unique, there is only one Sorin, and no matter what manner of human you are, or have been, God has planned a wonderful ending to YOUR physical life. How awesome is our God to create us human carnal flesh, then he creates perfection in us through his spirit and eventually GIVES us ETERNAL life with him....!!!
God takes responsibility for what he made you in the flesh, don't worry about the physical, it passes...it is your spirit he will perfect...one way or another. This wretched person you think you are now is the way he will do that... !! God is worthy of praise!!!! By the way, all of us here are in the same boat with you...!!!! Be encouraged.