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pylady:
Hi Alex,

  Rev2:10  "Fear none of those thing which thou shalt suffer: behold the
               devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried; and
                ye shall have tribulation ten days; be thou faithful unto death and
                I will give you the crown of life."

Often our lives feel like a prison from which we want to escape (our carnal
nature) but we can't see the way out.   It sounds like you feel that way now.  Jesus said we would have tribulation for ten days - our whole lives in the flesh, but we should fear not. 

God's burning fire can and will burn these things out of you.  It hurts, it torments us.  The beast doesn't give up easily.  The scriptures describe it as a great battle.  But we know that God will win.  It is HIS WILL for us. 

The world gives us problems, but the greatest battle is in our minds and hearts.
Don't expect to be perfect now.  Want to be, pray for Him to help you be pleasing to Him.  But know that when you fall it too is part of the process of cleansing of our hearts.

Alex, it is so wonderful to see such a young man know and desire such spiritual truths.  God has truly blessed you.  Worldly pulls and fleshly desires are very, very strong when we are young.  They do tend to dull alittle as we grow older.

You are right when you sy your will and strength is absolutely nothing; and you are unable to do one good thing.  The point is He will do it in us of His power.
We must experience evil if we are to know and love good.  He will bring you out of it.  TRUST TRUST TRUST in His strength, and pray constantly.  And don't beat yourself up so badly when you fail, just keep praying.  I know when we fall we feel so ashamed, and think He has turned away from us.  But He NEVER abandons His children.  He sees your heart, and knows you want to do right, even if your flesh overpowers you sometimes.

My prayers are  for you to remain steadfast, and also that He will give you some relief from these things that are tormenting you.

Your sister in Christ,

             Cindy
               

dawnnnny:
{{{{{{{ Alex }}}}}}}}}

Great words of advice here.  All I can add, that I feel led to say, is to take one day at a time.  I have big sins in my life also, and sometimes looking at the sin, we see it as so HUGE.  I personally think of the WHOLE process of God taking it away from me, and it feels so overwhelming :(       so try to take just ONE DAY AT A TIME  --- I know that's difficult, but when you wake up, thank Him for today because that is all you have right NOW.  Just focus on today, not tomorrow.  Growing takes time and we fall a lot, but we do grow even if it seems very slow most of the time.  :)
I will be praying for you!
Much Love,
Dawn

bambam:
Alex,
   Much love and hugs to you! :)  You are not alone!  I sometimes think that I am never going to change, then when I least expect it-I am not struggling as much or at all with some certain thing I used to struggle with.  Dawn is right-one day at a time.  I have come to learn that and I hope that you can come to wait one day at a time too for God's work to be done in you, as it will be done in everyone.  Blessings to you-keep your chin up! 

In Christ's love,
Beth   

javajoe:
Hi Alex,

Your post just caught my attention.  The way you feel is the way I feel TOO many times myself!  I have this BIG sin I have to fight all the time too (and I am 50!).  From talking to various people over the years, I think we all do.  Some people call this your "besetting sin".  I know we can't fight it in our own strength, it is ALL by the grace of God - God working in us.   

Scripture says,

Philippians 2:13  for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

The fact that you are so upset about it is a good sign that God is working in you!  :),

Sounds like God is doing some pruning, and I know it is painful!  Trust me, I know.

Remember, we are overcomers!  We haven't overcome yet, it is a process, and don't be so hard on yourself!!.

  Well, I'm not very good with words - I hope I helped a little.  I will pray for you, and others, I know will join me.

Peace of Christ with you!

Joe

DuluthGA:
Hi Alex... awesome thoughts from everyone big time, all so good.  I pray especially for you tonight.

I thought about you describing your feeling as being "out of control" and I would like to pass a neat analogy on to you that may be helpful.  It is not my idea, but I heard it from a cool BT forum friend in a conversation.  The conversation was about 'free will' but I think the idea will be good to apply to your situation as well. 

I too often find myself sort of 'swimming' in spiritual and theological thoughts and concepts and need to grab ahold of a good ol' ANALOGY to ground me, so here goes:

Consider a straw.  One end is the beginning of your life, the other end is the end of your life.  The tube contains your life in the process.  You are ping-ponging around in there, making choices, going up and down, this way and that, and you keep going further along toward the end of the tube.  I think this is cool because as an individual life, we are each predestined to go through our own 'tube.'  It is obvious God is in control of it because after all, we don't get outside the 'tube' meant for us as HE CAUSES AND CONTROLS IT ALL.  So you "see" dear forum friend, there's not too much to fret too seriously and gravely about.  It's part of His process.  ;)

Also remember that, per Peter, we are appointed to suffer.  That is definitely part of the picture from now on out.... til the end of the straw.  Not suffer constantly or indefinitely.  The principles of His cross are suffering/death and resurrection.  You will in effect throughout the rest of your life go through these cycles, up and down, live and learn, crappy times and better times, etc. 

Be on the look out for my upcoming scriptural theme paper [no preaching just verses] on all the many many verses in the N.T. about suffering, trials, tribulations, cross carrying, etc.  No church in Babylon would EVER put together a sermon based on these many many verses yet they are truly HOME to us all.

May His peace be with you soon,  :)
Janice

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