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[dessa]

If you were one of my three children, what is your reaction to finding out that mama has her funeral all planned out?  I mean all the words to speak, songs to sing, obituary, etc.

My husband and I bought funeral plots, had markers laid, and paid for all the expenses for each one prior to his death.  Now I am wondering about my service. ..

At one time listing my membership in a church in my obituary was important to me because I wanted the reader to know I valued my relationship with God.  This is no longer important to me.  Having a professional minister in charge isn't either but someone needs to help my family.

My purpose for prearranging the celebration of my life is to be a help to my children.  And I know that for them to participate in this planning could be gratifying to my family.  My children are not believing along with me in my fresh spiritual hope but they would probably be happy with whatever mama wanted to do.  But on second thought I know one child does not want to see my grave plot and marker …

Shall I start planning or give this more thought?

[eggi]

I wouldn't think too much about this.

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? (Mat 6:25 KJV)

I know only of one occasion in the Bible where we can read about funeral plans.

And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt: But I will lie with my fathers, and thou shalt carry me out of Egypt, and bury me in their buryingplace. And he said, I will do as thou hast said. (Gen 47:29-30 KJV)

Other occasions anyone?

God bless you,
Eirik

[hillsbororiver]

Hi Dessa,

You sound like my Mom!

She had just about everything planned and payed for, she requested a small family only service with me giving the eulogy (no minister), she knew it was going to be a stressful time for us and wanted to make it as simple as possible for us to get through it.

She even put aside money for everyone to go to her favorite restaurant after the service for a little farewell party, on her!

We would have made her proud as we sat around eating, drinking and even having some laughs relating our favorite stories and adventures together with her, even extended family had plenty of great stuff, my sister and I learned some things Mom had done behind the scenes with some of them that we were not aware of but were not surprised by.

Of course every situation is different but this worked for us and since she planned it it was if she was there with us the whole time.

His Peace to you,

Joe   

[LittleBear]

Hi Dessa,

That sounds like a wonderful idea and a precious gift to your children.

I was speaking a few days ago with a chaplain who works with a community health agency, and I plied her with all sorts of questions because I wondered what she actually did. She works with people who are dying, usually with cancer and who have "spiritual needs."

Anyway, a lot of what she does is work with the patient to do just what you want to do, to pre-arrange the funeral and order of service, songs, eulogy etc. She says it really helps the family to go ahead and just follow because many people are unprepared and unsure what to do after their loved one dies. And so it does help tremendously. Sometimes she works as a conduit between the patient and their family and helps them talk about their feelings, their wishes, about death, about things that were never before said.

I think your children will appreciate this even if one of them doesn't want to talk about it right now.

Love,

Ursula

[Deborah-Leigh]

Joe

I would have enjoyed it if my Mom had that idea about the restaurant afterwards! What a loving inspiration!

Dessa

My Mother was diagnosed with liver cancer and given six months to live. In the interim she did everything needed to be done. The four of us with our Dad, did what we had to do and my Mother arranged for gifts and assets to be apportioned to us all BEFORE she died. That was real good time management at its best. She also asked for the songs she desired and chose arranged for the Priest to officiate at her funeral that was only family. No one outside of family were permitted to have any news regarding her terminal cancer. She did not want any histrionics or drama. She did not want flowers either. She said the time to give flowers is in life not death.

So from experience, if I were one of your children, I would urge you to make all the arrangements so that there is no painful demands surrounding what could turn out to be three different ideas about which song to sing and so on. You are the matriarch and as a venerable woman in the lives of your children, so be one in death too. Like Joe's Mother did, leave your legacy to bring forth good fruits of peace of His Spirit as your inheritance to your children and take any possible burden of what swiftly appears mundane in the shadow of the loss of a loved one. You may want to consider leaving them the readings from http://bible-truths.com/death.htm I know I would have been very encouraged and comforted had this teaching reached my broken heart after I lost my Mother and Father.

Shalom.

peace to you

Arcturus

[DuluthGA]

An additional thought for you Dessa...

This is the time of year I routinely go through the contents of my safe deposit box, checking to make sure each piece of important paperwork is up-to-date and needs no further changes, additions, etc., and I have items labeled appropriately and have inserted supportive infomation and instructions where they might be needed.

One of the most important documents to have is the Living Will with Power of Healthcare Attorney which you are probably familiar with.  Just a reminder!

I like your idea very much and think your family will too.

Janice

[CEO]

dessa

     My mother only lived to age 90 and we buried her four weeks ago.  Your idea of sharing your funeral plans with your children will make it much easier for them.  Referring to your old church seems fine to me as it is how many will identify with you, I would refer to it in the past tense as 'dessa attended Straight is the way Baptist for eleven years.'

    Good communication and good planning are good fruits of a successful life.

     Welcome to the forum.

                                     Askseeknock

                                      Charles O

[SandyFla]

I agree with Charles. Making plans will take the pressure off your family when the time comes.

I wish my parents would do that, but my father, who will be 86 in December, won't discuss it. My mom says she doesn't care what we do, but she doesn't want to be cremated. I hope I go before them. I already told them what songs I want played at my funeral. One of these days I'll sit down and do a complete Order of Service.

Sandy

[lilitalienboi16]

bah all you people talkin about death make me sad =[ don't talk about leaving us ><

your all apart of this wonderful family we have in Christ and i don't want ot hear any of this!! Yea yea.. its my fault for opening this and then continuing to read, but what can i say, curiousity just about killed this cat!

Love to you guys and prayers for a LONG and HEALTHY LIFE !!!

God bless

Alex

[LittleBear]

Ok, you young'un,

We aint going anywhere until God decides. Then it's just a nice restful sleep. Then it's...

Thanks for the blessing Alex, you are a nice fellow!

[Sue Creamer]

Alex, Alex..Alex...

tsk, tsk, tsk....

Don't be sad...death is a time of celebration, we are to morn a BIRTH...and rejoice a DEATH.  Guess that is a bit easier said than done...! 

Dessa,

I think it is an awesome thing that you want to do the preparations for your funeral so that your children
won't have to fret over it.  I must say if I could have it my way...I would just tell my kids to spread my
ashes (anywhere they want to) and do a lot of dancing...!    Unfortunately, this society has so many rules and regulations and things you have to go through that it is probably good to do as much preparation as possible to help your children through a rough time.   
peace and love
Sue Ann
 

[lilitalienboi16]

Well, i certainly don't want to be mourning the loss of any of you for quiet some time so don't make me do it any earlier then i want too! ><

I know... i know anyone that passes on will be just fine, and we will meet/see them again, but it's easier said then done as you stated Sue!

Love to you all,

Alex

[Bradigans]

Matthew 6:25 - Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

Why take thought for your death?

[LittleBear]

Hi again,

The only scripture I could think of is:

Jn 12:3,7. Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil....Then Jesus said, Let her alone; she has kept this for the day of My burial.

[Bradigans]

Jesus is not the dead and/or dying Christ THE PASSION tried to depict, but resides in hearts of saints, the holy children of God. He says in Matthew 22:32 - I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.

[Bradigans]

Jesus is not the dead and/or dying Christ THE PASSION tried to depict, but resides in hearts of saints, the holy children of God. He says in Matthew 22:32 - I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.

You're not going to die. You're about to really live. Paul new it. Philippians 1:21 - For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.Why are you talking about dying? 2 Corinthians 5:1 - For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. There's no dying in Christ unless you're already dead. Matthew 8:22 - But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.

[DuluthGA]

1Tim 5: 8   Anyone who neglects to care for family members in need repudiates the faith.  That's worse than refusing to believe in the first place.   [MSG]

I think for a change we are discussing the physical instead of the spiritual.

Janice

[dessa]

No more time should pass without answering the responses of all taking time to give me personal thoughts to my question.

Joe, your answer gave me the desire to jump on board a funeral planning train!  Can you imagine me almost looking forward to the event I want to plan?

Ursula, it was great to get an agreement to go for the plans.  Speaking about the Hospic worker, one of my nursing ed requirements was to fill out a Death Certificate for my imaginary death.  Working around death (my nursing home) takes an edge off death and dying for me.

Arcturus, I am overjoyed with another green light to proceed!  Death taxes are terrible and where sensible I am also giving possessions to my children now.  My final days are numbered but not for me to know so if I have health care expenses they must be my responsible.  Thank you for your input.

Janice, my funeral plans are in the works!  Waiting a couple days and rereading what I've written always makes for needed changes.  My college professor once said it took more time to write a good short story than a longer one.  The local hospital and my doctor both have a copy of my living will.  Changes were made in documents in the past but now they are up to date.  Thank you for bringing up this information.

Charles, thank you for bringing up a solution for my present church membership being part of my obituary.  Each forum membership response has had unique, very helpful, suggestions.  Your name is the one I said or thought daily for 56 years before my husband died.....  I know you miss your mom very much.  Bless you.

Sandy,  you may have shared your life on this forum before I joined so forgive me for wanting to know more about you.  Perhaps your parents are infirm and causing unusual stress in your life.  Death must be in your thoughts since you are thinking about your funeral also.  Do you have siblings?  Thank you for your comments to me.

Hi Alex, don't you know I was hoping the subject of this post would grab someones attention.  Thanks for letting me know it got your attention.  You sound just like my children!    Just think what they have to put up with!  I don't expect to leave this 'house' any time right away.

LittleBear, thanks for consoling Alex.  When I was young it horrified me to think of a funeral as a celebration.  Time sees a lot of changes.     Think of no phone or cell phones, no TV and horrors, no Internert.

Sue Ann, had my husband wanted to be cremated I probably would have chosen that also.  Thinking about my own cremation doesn't bother me but visualizing my husband's body in a furnace was most unpleasant at the time we bought our cemetery plots.  One of my children favors having her ashes scattered.  Thank you for another go ahead on my funeral plans.

Bradigans, guess you must be one of the young whipper snappers!  Only recently have I given serious thought to my death.  First I planned our retirement (my huband would have been happy with your response)  I've been an organizer all my life and yes, lots of times I over plan.       Humor me in my senior years.  Thank you for your answer.  PS  I am of the living!

Janice, your second comment is appreciated.  I had a discussion once with a friend about giving to a stranger who asked for money as I was on my way to pay an electric bill.  The supposition was that the payment would take all the money I had.  Would I give money to the stranger?  My evaluation of the situation was that the money was not mine.  I was paying a debt and would put my family in jeopardy of not having lights, etc. if I gave some of the money to the stranger.  My friend never agreed with me but we remained good friends.  Thank you for your wisdom.

I am well along with what I want to get done.  It is gratifying to have others (most    ) agree with me.

Shalom,
dessa





 

[DuluthGA]

Bravo on your recap Dessa    even if nobody else is, you and I are both ready physically mentally emotionally and spiritually ANYTIME, and that's the way to be. 

I pray your thoughtful thread serves as inspiration to those who do not yet have their ultimate agenda lined up.

As for now... we are blessed to tarry and enjoy each other more!  It's not good-bye yet!



HA!  Sorry I am so 'eat up' with these emoticons...

Let us rejoice that sooner or later in God's perfect timing every enemy will be conquered!



Joyfully,
Janice

PS:    BibleTruths dot com could be mentioned in a Last Will and Testament!

[SandyFla]

Sandy,  you may have shared your life on this forum before I joined so forgive me for wanting to know more about you.  Perhaps your parents are infirm and causing unusual stress in your life.  Death must be in your thoughts since you are thinking about your funeral also.  Do you have siblings?  Thank you for your comments to me.

My parents are both elderly. My mother is diabetic and legally blind. My father is extremely hard of hearing; he also had a stroke and has some bleeding problems that he doesn't talk about. He refuses to have a blood test or physical. To my mother's knowledge, he never had one. My sister and her family moved to PA a few month ago, so I am in Florida trying to take care of them myself. I have my own 1-bedroom condo, but I've been living with them since my mom's second quintuplet by-pass surgery 4 years ago. I was hoping to sell my condo so I could buy a 2-bedroom condo and have them live with me, but until I find a regular full-time job, that is out of the question. I was out of work since the first week in August and ineligible for unemployment because I worked at a church. Just last week I began working at a temporary position that will last until January. Hopefully it will turn into a REAL job.

My father doesn't want to discuss funeral plans, and my mother is ambivalent. I was so depressed while out of work, that after I wrote my last comment about planning my funeral, I sat down that same night and did just that. I just need to talk to my sister and see if she'll look for 3 side-by-side plots in PA, as I most likely won't stay in Florida after my parents die. All my relatives are in PA and CA.

Sandy