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[lilitalienboi16]

Alright, well about a year and half ago the love of my life left me. She left, things havn't been the same since then. We hardly talk, i know she still has feelings for me, she tells me she misses me, but she acts so distant when i'm around her. I don't understand it. Shes done alot of things since she broke up with me that i never thought she would do. Shes had several boyfriends since me, but whats going on with me?

Since shes been gone, i havn't been able to feel anything towards any other girl, i think about her even now, and it's been quiet sometime since i've spoken with her or seen her. I mean this is why i'm writing. It's like a fire that burns me.. all the time. I can't stop or quench it. We do talk, but not often. It saddens me. I feel my heart is gone. I just don't understand whats going on inside of me, i love this girl to death, and i know it inside. I break down and cry sometimes because i miss her so much. The feelings will just hit me randomly. I remember God telling me, 'I have put it in your heart to desire her.' These words are so true, no matter how beautiful the next girl is, i just can't seem to stop thinking about jacqueline. I mean it could be the most beautiful model, and my mind will start to think of jacqueline, my heart is empty, and i won't feel anything for this super model girl. I feel like such a heartless fellow around women now.  Yes i do have the lust of the flesh still, but thats about all thats there. I mean i could seriously do something with a girl, and walk away and not feel one little drop of emotion or sentiment or love for her in anyway. I always end up coming back to jacqueline.What i'm trying to say is that it doens't seem to matter who the girl is, i can't seem to feel anything for them. And believe me, i'm not TRYING to FORCE myself to feel anything, or FIND ANYONE, i just NOTICE these things, after this past year and half. I've met plenty of women as well, and it's just like my heart is gone. Jacqueline ran away with it and never gave it back.. and now.. i feel so heartless, i feel very empty, and i miss her to death.

I just don't know what to do... I don't even know what answer i'm looking for, i don't even know why i write this.. its not like shes magicaly gonna come back to me. Perhaps i'm looking for hope, comfort. It's the worse feeling to feel so empty. Yes i say that, knowing Christ, i know.. i must be a fake or something, i don't know, but this hole just won't be filled. Even with Christ, i cannot deny that my pain and suffering is gone, it's been there all along, i've just been covering it up with anything i can, trying to pertend its not there. I hate not being true either, i can't stand lieng ot myself and saying 'You don't need her, she doesn't deserve you, your better then her, she was a jerk and a nutcase anyway' because i know all these words aren't true, and that i just have this burning in my heart for her, she was my everything. Now i have nothing, because she is gone, i don't know what to do.. i cry out to the Lord everynight.. and all i remmeber is 'I have put it in your heart to desire her, and she is yours as you are mine.' Yet i feel filled with doubt and fear, i doubt because i fear... i fear that i'm only hearing what i want to hear, and that theres no possible way this could be the Lord speaking to me.. how can i know she i smine? we are a million miles apart now, i see no hope in this, and yet without her, i am incomplete, nothing, empty, heartless.

Again i don't know what i'm looking for here, i just want to hold her again and be everything for her, becaus e she is everything to me.

God bless and thanks for listening.

Alex

[Beloved]

Well I may not be an expert in this area  Alex but I know for one thing nothing is going to happen if you are both going in different directions.

First I would try to find ways of being around her..if she moving offer to help her move.....just be a good and honest friend..do your best to be like you were ...when she first was attracted to you....do not press for more.  If a person has many needs of their own they may be overwhelmed by a more needy person

You also need to address the reason why she left you...can that reason be corrected?  If you say it was all her idea...you need to look closer at yourself .....no decision is without cause. Are you too possessive and she was feeling smothered?  Whatever the reason there are usually lots of clues before it happens...you may have missed them.

Your problem right now is that you are incapable of logical analytical thinking that men are suppose to major in....your emotions are in control. Beware you maybe following in the footsteps of Samson or David even Adam.

You need to pray for strength. Your carnal side can be bridled.

(2Co 12:9 KJVR)  And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

(2Co 12:10 KJVR)  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Oh Alex many of us older ones really feel for your pain and anxiety.......when you are young....you have limited experiences to fall back on for comfort and support but remember that GOD'S WILL...WILL BE DONE.....

We will all pray for you in this spirit

Beloved

[dessa]

Alex, may I add an 'amen' to the words written by Beloved?  dessa

[lilitalienboi16]

Well I may not be an expert in this area  Alex but I know for one thing nothing is going to happen if you are both going in different directions.

First I would try to find ways of being around her..if she moving offer to help her move.....just be a good and honest friend..do your best to be like you were ...when she first was attracted to you....do not press for more.  If a person has many needs of their own they may be overwhelmed by a more needy person

You also need to address the reason why she left you...can that reason be corrected?  If you say it was all her idea...you need to look closer at yourself .....no decision is without cause. Are you too possessive and she was feeling smothered?  Whatever the reason there are usually lots of clues before it happens...you may have missed them.

Your problem right now is that you are incapable of logical analytical thinking that men are suppose to major in....your emotions are in control. Beware you maybe following in the footsteps of Samson or David even Adam.

You need to pray for strength. Your carnal side can be bridled.

(2Co 12:9 KJVR)  And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

(2Co 12:10 KJVR)  Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Oh Alex many of us older ones really feel for your pain and anxiety.......when you are young....you have limited experiences to fall back on for comfort and support but remember that GOD'S WILL...WILL BE DONE.....

Beloved

Thank you beloved.

The thing is with jacqueline and i, is we truly are a peculiar couple. I started off as major jerk, believing in abortion, without God, and she changed me for the better. I am so much a better person now, but as i become better, as i became a better 'husband' as Christ would be to the church, things began to fall apart. The more loveing and careing i became, the less of a jerk i became, the less heartless i became, the more she began to fall away from me. How can i go back to that? I was discusting them, though i am now, i was far greater a beast then, than i am now. It's hard to explain. She left me after 2 and half years because , 'she didn't love me.' She told me many times that it wasn't me, That i was to good for her, but i wanted her, i didn't care, i told her it was only her for me, and she loved me for it, but there was something inside her that caused her to get angry with the Christ like behavior in me... when i am around her, i am changed, i become filled with Christ's spirit, so loveing and careing, i would die for her. This isn't even 'LUST' though i'm sure its not love in its purest form, because her and i, its not even about the physical aspect, it was all about who she was inside, and who i was when i was around her.

The reason jacqueline was so different then all the other girls is because 'SHE BROUGHT OUT THE BEST IN ME.' No girl ihave ever met, to this day, or before her, ever did that to me.. and now she is gone, but when i do see her, those few times i do, she still has that affect on me, and its amazing, and i know she is someone very special, different then all the rest, and i will never forget that.. even if i never see her again.

Btw she isn't moveing, we go to the same school, but spiritualy, we are miles apart, not physically.

Thanks for your words, our relationship is an interesting one we had... it was very different then your typical hihgshcool college relationship.. but then again, i'm not a very normal guy it terms of this world..

With love,

Alex

[Bradigans]

Alright, well about a year and half ago the love of my life left me. She left, things havn't been the same since then. We hardly talk, i know she still has feelings for me, she tells me she misses me, but she acts so distant when i'm around her. I don't understand it. Shes done alot of things since she broke up with me that i never thought she would do. Shes had several boyfriends since me, but whats going on with me?

Since shes been gone, i havn't been able to feel anything towards any other girl, i think about her even now, and it's been quiet sometime since i've spoken with her or seen her. I mean this is why i'm writing. It's like a fire that burns me.. all the time. I can't stop or quench it. We do talk, but not often. It saddens me. I feel my heart is gone. I just don't understand whats going on inside of me, i love this girl to death, and i know it inside. I break down and cry sometimes because i miss her so much. The feelings will just hit me randomly. I remember God telling me, 'I have put it in your heart to desire her.' These words are so true, no matter how beautiful the next girl is, i just can't seem to stop thinking about jacqueline. I mean it could be the most beautiful model, and my mind will start to think of jacqueline, my heart is empty, and i won't feel anything for this super model girl. I feel like such a heartless fellow around women now.  Yes i do have the lust of the flesh still, but thats about all thats there. I mean i could seriously do something with a girl, and walk away and not feel one little drop of emotion or sentiment or love for her in anyway. I always end up coming back to jacqueline.What i'm trying to say is that it doens't seem to matter who the girl is, i can't seem to feel anything for them. And believe me, i'm not TRYING to FORCE myself to feel anything, or FIND ANYONE, i just NOTICE these things, after this past year and half. I've met plenty of women as well, and it's just like my heart is gone. Jacqueline ran away with it and never gave it back.. and now.. i feel so heartless, i feel very empty, and i miss her to death.

I just don't know what to do... I don't even know what answer i'm looking for, i don't even know why i write this.. its not like shes magicaly gonna come back to me. Perhaps i'm looking for hope, comfort. It's the worse feeling to feel so empty. Yes i say that, knowing Christ, i know.. i must be a fake or something, i don't know, but this hole just won't be filled. Even with Christ, i cannot deny that my pain and suffering is gone, it's been there all along, i've just been covering it up with anything i can, trying to pertend its not there. I hate not being true either, i can't stand lieng ot myself and saying 'You don't need her, she doesn't deserve you, your better then her, she was a jerk and a nutcase anyway' because i know all these words aren't true, and that i just have this burning in my heart for her, she was my everything. Now i have nothing, because she is gone, i don't know what to do.. i cry out to the Lord everynight.. and all i remmeber is 'I have put it in your heart to desire her, and she is yours as you are mine.' Yet i feel filled with doubt and fear, i doubt because i fear... i fear that i'm only hearing what i want to hear, and that theres no possible way this could be the Lord speaking to me.. how can i know she i smine? we are a million miles apart now, i see no hope in this, and yet without her, i am incomplete, nothing, empty, heartless.

Again i don't know what i'm looking for here, i just want to hold her again and be everything for her, becaus e she is everything to me.

God bless and thanks for listening.

Alex

Try meditating on THE WORD. The Spirit will speak consolation to your heart. Psalm 1:2, Psalm 63:6, Psalm 119:15, Psalm 119:148. You're tender enough now, where I believe THE WORD will speak to your heart. Do you have any favorite verses? Read the Bible and through out the day or night meditate on favorite verses.   

[GODSown1]

Hey!! lil brother,
        wow! bo, man wen I read ur Thread wow! skyrockets! lol!  , str8 up!!, lil bo I dnt no, but 4 sum reason its been bort 2 my attention I should Share dis Xsperiance I went thru 3 or 4yrz ago,  I feel Im 2 share it wit U, k lil bo??. I remember wen da mother of ma 3 Youngest Children Jus up n left me 1 day (Long Storiez    may share 1 day ), They were jus Gone!!, We had  been 2gether 4 @least 15yrz or so wen dis happened,  I still very much LOVED her, like krazy!!, But! da differnce dis time waz I new it waz Ova & I Accepted it ( az dis had happened heaps of times, Ova da yrz! lol! I would chase her & stuff lol!  bla bla bla, U know hw it is??    ). But! n e wayz, She went back 2 our hometown with our 3 children & dey lived wit her dad, den  she ended up in anuda relationship wit sum dude. Well d@ was Sign sayn 2 me it waz ova 4sure! dis time, So I moved on, (But! I new in ma Heart Id alwayz Love her no matter wot). Well 6months l8r & still I aint been with n e 1, Well! az in a Woman of coZ! lol! Well 2 me d@s Amazing!!  lol!, for sum reason, woman wer da Last fing on ma Mind  ,  I still had her on my Heart, Bigtime!. I started seeing fingz in differnt wayz, I started finkn How! sad! I had Treated! her (thanks 2 my last relationship I had been in b4 her, is wot I blame n e wayz ), I really! did Feel! so Bad! 4 her, dis is wen I Really FELT I DIDNT deserve her n e way. But!! man!! she stil so ment  everyfing 2 me, Everyfing!!, But! still I new I had 2 move on. This is wher GOD cum in2 ma Life, Well Opened my Eyes & Ears 2 Whom! HE was first of All & den wot HIS Planz 4 me were. Like I was saying 6months l8r, Well, I Graduated frm dis course I attended "Sport & Fitness" course & it jus happened d@ my "X"s mother was Graduating frm a "Social Services" type course, well d@ evening I got a tx frm da "X", askn wot I was up 2? coz of me jus Graduating of coZ! , I waz shocked she txd me, coz it was our first contact in @least 5 months lol!  , I jus replied "um!.. nufing ae " (Ive jus got 2 say @ dis stage of my Life I had got ova her & da fact she was in anuda Relationship, Honest!!  , but I still had d@ Love 4 her & of coz our children). Well n e way, she kept txn me tryn 2 get me 2 go out on da town. I stil didnt know she waz in town until she couldnt resist but! tel me she was in town. wow! hmm.. I thort  Deep! about fingz & jus thort No! 'I can Jus c us talkn & her m8s wil cum along & ruin everyfing & cum say "Com on Gurlfriend! its time 2 go"  , Den id b bak 2 wher I waz 5 mnths ago  , so I thort Id say NO!! im gunna stay home 2night! Thank U lol! az I did. BUT! strangely she kept txn me trying 2 get me 2go  out, Az I really! didnt feel like celebrating! even worse knowing she waz out sumwher. So I asked her str8! out!, do U want 2 c me??,  & she replied Yes!.. Wow!! Bang! I was their jus like d@  ,  But!! cautiously mind U  . So n e way I drove up dis 1way street wher dis Club was & der she was , she saw me, cam  running haha! ( or did I jus make d@ bit up? lol!) & got in2 my car I parked up. Well @ dis point I felt like a teenager again  I asked "How were da kids?",  "How she was?, bla bla bla!.. den it Happened, knock knock on her window,  it was her friendz    , "cum on Gurfriend!"    , BUT!!! she turned 2 dem & sed "uZ! go in, & ill b in soon". I was like woow!! lol! she den asked if I could take her 2 her brothers 2 pick sumfing up, which in da end was our "LOVE!" 4 each other We had left behind   From d@ night on We have rekindled da MAGIC! az Diana says sumwher lol!. This waz in Febuary 2005 I believe! .Well! WE! were married! Jan 30th this Year, So Unbelievable!! but! Believable!! wen U get 2 know GOD, We still hav our Trails & Tribz But! thru da Peace!, Grace!, Mercy! & LOVE! of GOD is jus Underniable!! ,Well I believe Ive neva Loved her so much az I DO Now!!, its Krazy! but ae BLESSN!, I jus Pray! AlwayZ!!
The FATHERS Will be done in CHRIST JESUS! Amen!..  um!.. Wel lil bo I thort id Share d@ wit U,& Hope U understand it , neva know it might Help sum1 else d@ may read it (or more Who can read it  ), I Pray! it Helps U in sumway lil Bro!, b strong! Peace b 2 U & urZ!, "U! jus Never! Know! brother!", its All to the Glory of..
                 much! muchLOVE!! Pera

ps. Im very sorry! 2 all who Really cant! understand a Word im sayn But! d@ is how I type sorry!  , BlesSnz! 2 uZ! ALL!! n e wayZ!...

[Bradigans]

It seems as if God most of the time, if not all the time, draws HIS kids through afflictions. Lets have a look at what Paul has to say about afflictions because I believe he's an authority (2nd Corinthians 6:4-11). 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 - For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. And folks thought that physical circumcision was excruciating. Hebrews 12:6-7 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?Physical circumcision has nothing on spiritual circumcision. Hebrews 12:5 - Have ye forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. God is making and molding some of us into spiritual warriors (trojans and spartans). There's something coming, or it may already be here. 2 Timothy 2:3 - Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. Take up your cross (Matthew 10:38, Philippians 3:10).

IN HIS LOVE

 

[lilitalienboi16]

Hey!! lil brother,
        wow! bo, man wen I read ur Thread wow! skyrockets! lol!  , str8 up!!, lil bo I dnt no but 4 sum reason its been bort 2 my attention I should Share dis Xsperiance I went thru 3 or 4yrz ago  I feel Im 2 share it wit U, k lil bo??. I remember wen da mother of ma 3 Youngest Children Jus up n left me 1 day (Long Storiez    may share 1 day ), She waz Gone!, We had  been 2gether 4 @least 15yrz or so wen it happened,  I still very much LOVED her like krazy!!, But! da differnce waz I new it waz Ova & Accepted it ( az dis had happened ova & ova, Ova da yrz! lol! I would chase her & stuff lol!  bla bla bla, U know hw it is??    ), But! n e wayz she went back 2 our hometown with our 3 children & lived wit her dad, den ended up in anuda relationship wit sum dude, d@ showed me it waz ova 4sure!, so I moved on, (But! I new in ma Heart Id alwayz Love her no matter wot), 6months l8r & still I aint been with n e 1, Well! az in a Woman of coZ! lol! Well 2 me d@s Amazing!!  lol!, for sum reason, woman wer da Last fing on ma Mind  ,  I still had her on my Heart, Bigtime!. I started seeing fingz in differnt wayz, I started finkn How! sad! I had Treated! her (thanks 2 my last relationship I had been in b4 her), I really! Felt! 4 her, BUT! I SO FELT I DIDNT deserve her. But!! man!! she ment  everyfing 2 me, Everyfing!!, But! still I new I had 2 move on. This is wher GOD cum in2 ma Life, Well Opened my Eyes & Ears 2 Whom! HE was first of All & den wot HIS Planz 4 me r. Like I was saying 6months l8r,Well, I graduated frm a course I attended "Sport & Fitness" course & it jus happened d@ my Xs mother was graduating frm a "Social Services" type course, well d@ evening I got a tx frm da "X", askn wot I was up 2? coz of me jus graduating of coZ! , I waz shocked she txd me, coz it was our first contact in @least 5 months lol!  , I jus replied um!.. "nufing ae " (Ive jus got 2 say @ dis stage of my Life I had got ova her & da fact she was in anuda Relationship, Honest!!  , but I still had d@ Love 4 her & of coz our children). Well she kept txn me tryn 2 get me 2 go out on da town. I stil didnt know she waz in town until she couldnt resist but! tel me she was in town. hmm.. I thort  Deep! about fingz & jus thort No! 'I cn Jus c us talkn & her m8s wil cum along & ruin everyfing & cum say "Com on Gurlfriend! its time 2 go"  , Den id b bak 2 wher I waz 5 mnths ago  , so I thort Id say NO!! im gunna stay home 2night! Thank U lol! . BUT! da strange fing waz she kept txn me trying 2 get me 2go  out,Az I really! didnt feel like celebrating! even worse knowing she waz out sumwher. So I asked her str8! out!, do U want 2 c me??, she replied Yes!.. Wow!! Bang! I was their But!! cautiously mind U  . So n e way I drove up dis 1way street wher dis Club was & der she was , she saw me, cam  running ha' & jumped in2 my car I parked up, I asked "how wer da kids"? how she was? bla bla bla!.. den it Happened, knock knock knock on her window,  it was her friendz    , "cum on Gurfriend!"    BUT!!! she turned 2 dem & sed "uZ! go in, & ill b in soon". I was like woow!! lol!    From d@ night on We have rekindled da MAGIC! az Diana says sumwher lol!. This waz in 2005 I believe! .Well WE! were married! Jan 30th this Year Unbelievable!, We still hav our Trails & Tribz But! da Peace! Grace! Mercy! LOVE! of GOD is jus Underniable!! Well I believe Ive neva Loved her so much az I DO Now!!its Krazy! I jus Pray! AlwayZ! 
The FATHERS Will be done in CHRIST JESUS! Amen!..  um!.. Wel lil bo I thort id Share d@ wit U, neva know it might Help sum1 else d@ may read it (or more can read it  , I Pray! it Helps U in sumway lil Bro!, b strong! Peace b 2 U & urZ!, "U! jus Never! Know! brother!", its All to the Glory of..
                 much! muchLOVE!! Pera

ps. Im very sorry! 2 all who Really cant! understand a Word im sayn But! d@ is how I type sorry!  , BlesSnz! 2 uZ! ALL!! n e wayZ!...

Pera... thank you so much for this story, i have tears in my eyes. I feel like there is a hope, and that God knows my pain and that He won't leave me in this state forever. I know it feels like forever, everyday i hurt. It's been so long, i've met so many women, and jacqueline, is always there in my mind, on my heart.

I really thank you so much from the bottom of whatever i can, from my heart, from our Lord for your story, you have uplifted me, and given me hope, you have made me cry, and feel joy. I am so happy you and your wife were re-united, and i hope and pray that the Lord hears me and sees my pain, and that He to will heal my broken heart.

I know if i ever get her back, i will never ever treat her bad, i will never ever want any other women but her, i have seen the pain and suffering of the world, i have seen the pain that the lust of the flesh brings us, and all i want now is that peace and joy i had with the girl the Lord had brought into my life. The girl that the Lord knew would brings me closer to Him, and would show me what it is to truly love a wife, though i was never married at all. I would die for her, that is the love i feel towards this women, and i think its the same love Christ has for the church, though not perfect as the Lord's love, a form of it most certainly.

Again, i dont know what to say besides thank you, you gave me the perfect answer i was looking for, and the hope i needed.

Thank you pera from the bottom of my heart.

Your [little] brother in Christ with so much love,

Alex

[lilitalienboi16]

It seems as if God most of the time, if not all the time, draws HIS kids through afflictions. Lets have a look at what Paul has to say about afflictions because I believe he's an authority (2nd Corinthians 6:4-11). 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 - For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. And folks thought that physical circumcision was excruciating. Hebrews 12:6-7 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?Physical circumcision has nothing on spiritual circumcision. Hebrews 12:5 - Have ye forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. God is making and molding some of us into spiritual warriors (trojans and spartans). There's something coming, or it may already be here. 2 Timothy 2:3 - Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. Take up your cross (Matthew 10:38, Philippians 3:10).

IN HIS LOVE

 

Thanks bradigan, this has always been a very fiary trial for me, and it's lasted far to long for me, i am faint and weak, and sometimes i harden my heart in anger and suffering rather then open myself up to the Lord, but He is teaching me... though i am in pain always, to deny this, would be to lie to myself and not be true to who i am. Until jacqueline returns to me, i will always be hurting.

God bless,

Alex

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hello Alex

I was widowed when I was only four years older than you. I too thought that my pain would endure forever. It felt that way then. Pain has a way of making us believe in its power to never go away or weaken or diffuse. Pain is nasty that way. It is a liar. Pain comes TO PASS and it always leaves us with a lesson and a gift. You will live.

I think too that I understand J. I feel more sorry for her than I do for you. It is her loss and this is not a put down of her in any way but is sympathy for her.

Day by day Alex. One day at a time through this was the way forward for me then. It might be the same way for you too.

Peace be to you

Arcturus

[Matt]

Alex,
 I do not know you at all or much about your relationship.  I do not have an answer or cure all, but I have had a similar experience and I want to pass it on to you. 

I just want to point out one thing to you.  Ask yourself why do you feel “and yet without her, I am incomplete”?  I am not making light of this feeling, I felt like this too, but one day, she spelled it out for me in English (something I am afraid us guys need too much in the eyes of women).  She told me that she did not want to complete me! She did not want an incomplete man.  She wanted me to be her “lifeboat” and to be there (complete, not missing anything) for her.  She wanted a safe and secure place.  In order to prove this, I had to examine myself and see if this is what I really wanted.  I had to endure several years of testing from her just to see if I was serious.   Sometimes it was very painful.  That has all passed now and we are still married.  If this was meant to be, you will need to have much endurance, patience, love, and most of all prayer!  I feel for you brother and I pray for happiness and peace in your life!

Matt

[lilitalienboi16]

Hello matt, thank you for that encourageing story of hope, i'm overjoyed that all went right, that you were able to endure the fire and come out refined and tried in Him! I pray for the same. Lord only knows my fate, but i hope i am not destined to feel this pain in this body all my life, it would be far to much for me to bare alone, and even now with the Lord i still feel pain and suffering inside.

Moise, i'm glad you are alright after that ordeal, you are certainly stronger then me, because i  have been without her for a year and a half, and i still think of her. When i am around her, i am completely transformed in a way that is hard to explain. All my feelings for her are still so very strong, but as i said before, my heart at times is hardened in anger because of the suffering. I turn to things of this world, when i should turn to the Lord, and i am learning more and more that this world only brings me more pain and suffering, and that only the Lord can heal my open wound. He is the one who works all things, and i know He has caused me to feel this pain and endure this trial for a reason, i only pray that His reason be that one day she will return, and when she does, i will be as matt said 'Complete' and her strength and refuge, as a husband should be for His wife, as Christ is for His church.

Thanks for all the prayers, and God bless you all. I couldn't ask for a better family!

Love in Christ,

Alex

[Bradigans]

It seems as if God most of the time, if not all the time, draws HIS kids through afflictions. Lets have a look at what Paul has to say about afflictions because I believe he's an authority (2nd Corinthians 6:4-11). 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 - For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. And folks thought that physical circumcision was excruciating. Hebrews 12:6-7 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?Physical circumcision has nothing on spiritual circumcision. Hebrews 12:5 - Have ye forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. God is making and molding some of us into spiritual warriors (trojans and spartans). There's something coming, or it may already be here. 2 Timothy 2:3 - Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. Take up your cross (Matthew 10:38, Philippians 3:10).

IN HIS LOVE

 

Thanks bradigan, this has always been a very fiary trial for me, and it's lasted far to long for me, i am faint and weak, and sometimes i harden my heart in anger and suffering rather then open myself up to the Lord, but He is teaching me... though i am in pain always, to deny this, would be to lie to myself and not be true to who i am. Until jacqueline returns to me, i will always be hurting.

God bless,

Alex

I use to feel this same way, like, when will all this pain come to a halt. I felt like giving up. But, i use to also think, where else would I go or turn? I would feel like, what a waste. I've invested so much time (hope) over here (in THE WORD). I don't know how i've made it. Psalm 30:5 says - weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

[Bradigans]

It seems as if God most of the time, if not all the time, draws HIS kids through afflictions. Lets have a look at what Paul has to say about afflictions because I believe he's an authority (2nd Corinthians 6:4-11). 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 - For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. And folks thought that physical circumcision was excruciating. Hebrews 12:6-7 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?Physical circumcision has nothing on spiritual circumcision. Hebrews 12:5 - Have ye forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him. God is making and molding some of us into spiritual warriors (trojans and spartans). There's something coming, or it may already be here. 2 Timothy 2:3 - Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. Take up your cross (Matthew 10:38, Philippians 3:10).

IN HIS LOVE

 

Thanks bradigan, this has always been a very fiary trial for me, and it's lasted far to long for me, i am faint and weak, and sometimes i harden my heart in anger and suffering rather then open myself up to the Lord, but He is teaching me... though i am in pain always, to deny this, would be to lie to myself and not be true to who i am. Until jacqueline returns to me, i will always be hurting.

God bless,

Alex

I remember years and years ago being in the same state you're in over a woman. Man, I was in despair. Well, a certain brother gave me this verse. 1 Peter 4:12-13 - Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you, but rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. That grief, and i believe it's the rejection more than anything that's so hellish. Thought go through your head. Has a man you have an ego, and in your mind you feel like, do I measure up? It's an ego thing more than anything, and has a lot to do with a rejection complex. I was mean to her in the beginning and took her for granted, but when I changed, she changed. I thing she liked it when I was a dog. At the point of rejection, it seemed like the more I went after her the more she was repulsed, repelled of and by me. I remember trying to make amends by sending flowers to her job. I was in Texas at the time, i'm from Michigan. She told me, the money i was spending on flowers I should save so i could take my --- home. It's like she wasn't satisfied with a knife being in my heart but wanted to twist and turn it. I never knew folks could be ruthless this sort of way. She put me out of our apartment, and i was living on the street. But God was there. It seems like in those days I would have to go so low to feel God's presence. We also had a son together. Man, I went through so much, this isn't even the tip of the iceberg. Even after I got through all of that which what i shared wasn't even the tip of the ice berg, there was plenty more to come. You will adopt the attitude of Job 13:15 - Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.There is nothing worse though I think for a man of God, then a woman whose heart is snares and traps. Ecclesiastes 7:26 - And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.Get into God's WORD so you will never have to be snared like this again.  Ephesians 6:12 - For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. You're not the only one that has and is suffering. You will pull through. John 16:33 - These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.    

[Sue Creamer]

Alex,
My heart goes out to you, I can feel your pain.  I too have experienced that kind of pain and hurt and I am so thankful to say NOW that I HAD to go through it, I NEEDED to go through it and I have come out on the other side...as you will too, a stronger better person.  Hang in there bro...

Arcturus - you said:
"I too thought that my pain would endure forever. It felt that way then. Pain has a way of making us believe in its power to never go away or weaken or diffuse. Pain is nasty that way. It is a liar. Pain comes TO PASS and it always leaves us with a lesson and a gift. You will live."   

Those are awesome words!!!  I am so sorry for the trial you went through, but the wisdom you brought with you through that trial takes my breath away.  I know that the next time a trial hits me I will remember what you have said about "pain" and how it is a liar because it WILL pass and a lesson and a gift will be what replaces it....! 

Peace to all..
Sue Ann

 

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hello Sue Ann

I have only just now seen your post. Thank you. I believe we all need from time to time some friendly encouragement.

Peace be to you

Arcturus

[lilitalienboi16]

Thank you all for your kind words and prayer, i am still struggling, but it's nice to be reminded i'm not alone, and God DOES LOVE ME!

Love to you guys in our Father,

Alex

[SandyFla]

Oh, dear Alex - I can sympathize with what you're going through.

When I moved to Florida back in 1985, I started going to a church where a very handsome young man attended. I fell in love with him like I never loved anyone before. I would've died for him. But he'd been burned and was gun-shy, so he avoided me. Then another girl came along and pushed herself on him. He married her. I was devastated.

That was 22 years ago. I've been married and divorced since then, but I never forgot him and the love I felt - and still felt on occasion. I would even have dreams about him.

I knew he'd been on drugs before becoming a Christian and had flashbacks, but a few weeks ago I found out that he was also volatile and hit his wife on several occasions. He also messed with her mind.

It took 22 years, but now I am thankful that God didn't let us get together. It would've been a disaster.

I said all that to say this: God knows what is best for us.

You're in my prayers, brother. Hang in there. It will get better, and you will understand someday.

<Hugs>
Sandy

[GODSown1]

Jus a Amen! 2 d@ Sandy  ,
                                  muchLOVE!! Pera