To be judgmental is to point out something that is wrong in someone else's life, making the person feel put down, excluded, and marginalized. It's fueled by self righteousness, the misguided inner motivation to make our own life look better by comparing it to the lives of others. So often, when I speak or am sharing with others, its this word, judgmental, that is most often described for a Christian. This had me to evaluate my own life and my own words.
There is someone i love even though i don't approve of what she does. There is someone I accept though some of her thoughts and actions revolt me. There is someone I forgive though she hurts the people I love the most. That person is me. There are plenty of things I do that i don't like, but if i can love myself without approving all I do, I can also love others without approving of all they do. As that truth has been absorbed into my life it has changed the way that I view and communicate with others.
HOw we communicate is just as important as what we communicate. But its not exactly what we communicate that needs to get across. Something that I remind myself is that I am not God nor the Holy Spirit and its not my job to be someone's moral conscience. God says I should love and this is my response, not judgement.
Ah, but what about those moments where we stand our ground in the face of sin and call out the sinner. Of course Christ followers should feel compelled to reject sinful actions and attitudes, Jesus did! Though the "do it yourself" morality train is gaining ranks among most people in my generation, imposing "my religion" on others just doesn't seem right because we christians are described as wanting to prove right than help the person be right with God. Christians feel that if they don't point out God's standards, who will? Could this be telling us we have lost something in the way that we christians articulate and describe God's expectations.... are we more concerned with the unrighteous of others than our own self righteousness?
Scripture makes it clear that we exist only to please God. its not about who knows the most scripture, who condemns the sinner in the group first, who prayers the longest or with the most scripture references, who appears the most holy. I become sick in my stomach with the duplicity and have to beg the pardon of our sweet Lord and excuse myself for some fresh air... only returning sometimes. Rather than seeing people's potential to be Christ followers, we often set ourselves up as their spiritual judge and jury.
Our judgments on people are usually wrong because they are based on our own biases, assumptions, or stereotypes about others. We don't take time to listen and we are truly too quick to respond to let them know that they are in the wrong on this one. God's judgments are perfect; ours are not.
Here is a good example of this- sitting next to a very spiritual woman, We were reflecting about a place we once both lived. Regarding one particular mall, she shared that she doesn't go there because of all of the area's "rejects" and she didn't want to be around them. I was flooooored. I didn't say anything and acted like I didn't hear what she had just said. I don't think she recognize her words; judgments creeps up on us and drips out of our conversations and attitudes.
We must ask ourselves this question: Is this person a Christ Follower? Paul informs the 1Corinthians Church that they have no responsibility to judge those outside of faith.
God says everything we do should be to glorify HIM and premised in love. Jesus encounters wrong motivations in John 8 with angry accusers wanting to stone a women. They approach was vindictive and self righteous. Jesus turned their anger back on them and said "if any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." (vs 7). Can you imagine... centuries of Jewish teachings and law broken by this Man, Jesus... man what it would to be a fly on stone during that moment-!! He challenged these accusers to choose compassion over retribution by considering the impurity in their own lives before passing judgement on someone else.
Think about this thought: most people outside of the Faith of God think of Christians as hating them because of their sin. In that context, think of that person receiving those words you are sharing with them- anything less of positive will be seen as hate.
Jesus gives a clear example of pursuing people, of accepting people at face value. Often he scandalized others by hanging out with the least desirable people in culture, and his teaching is unambiguous: do not judge others or you'll face the same yardstick; remove the log from your eye before pulling the splinter from your friend's eye; and you do not have the right to condemn others unless you are sinless (see matt 7:1-5). keep that in mind.
Though some will say that Christians are not perfect and do not express Christ perfectly because they are imperfect- this is true, but it misses the point.
Pride fuels judgmental attitudes. Arrogance is perhaps the most socially acceptable form of sin in the church today.
Several make the claim that Romans 1 gives license to judge, but i beg to differ, if one continues reading in chapter 2, Paul says that you (the christian reading) is just as bad and that God has been just as patient if not more for you to get done with your own stuff.
If you feel a growing sense of self justification where you say in your head, "i have the right to be judgmental about sin; thats what God calls me to do" you may have already missed the chance to have God reveal your blind spots. If people have used the term arrogant to describe you, how do you respond? Maybe those critics are right? Are you softhearted enough to see a clear picture of your motivations Just because you feel as though you are doing the right thing does not mean that you have the right attitudes or motivations towards outsiders.
Arrogance in the Christian community is too frequently accepted or at least excused. We tolerate our own pride; we do not feel God's anger at arrogance. God says he "opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble" (james 4:6). We have to start seeing ourselves and those around us for the people we really are: needy and hurting but the great potential as God's sons and daughters. Maybe then we would reject arrogance as adamantly as we do any other sin, because it is especially corrosive to the faith of Christ followers.
put yourself in their shoes, christians seem only concern about what people do or don't do-- such as whether they go to church or have good behavior. non christians want you to understand some of things that they have suffered and gone through. they believe that christians should learn to appreciate them and better understand their choices.
Be their friend with no other motives... Don't be friends with them just to go to church or "win them to the lord." be friends with them for the very reason to be friends with them. Friendship ought to be real based on genuine interest in one another.
See others as God sees them- beautiful, wonderful, son (or daughter), loved