This is how i feel...

[lilitalienboi16]

Moby - Why does my heart feel so bad?

Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?

Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?

He'll open doors

I can only imagine the 'He' in this song is God...

Anyways, i really need alot of prayer right now.. i'm super lost and just walking through a very dark and spiritualy dry desert. Please pray for me...

Sorry to burden you all once again with my problems. Thanks for being patient and loveing to me.

God bless you all, you deserve it more then me.

Alex..

[gmik]

I am so sorry you are going thru some pangs right now.  But it is 38 minutes into the New Year and I will pray that 2008 will bring you stronger in your love for HIM.

As Ricky said on another thread,  shove your FUTURE in the devils face!!  You HAVE a future in the Lord and it will be the best for you!

You are loved by all of us here, you know that!  We will gladly pray for you and yes you deserve His Blessings as much as anyone else!!

Luv ya,
gena

[dewey]

Alex,

I saw your post and your plea for a prayer.  And here it is.

Good morning, Father, this is Dewey.  My first prayer in '08.  Father, this prayer is not for myself as you well know.  Before I start, I want to say thank you, Father, for getting me out of bed and sending me to this post on the computer.  And now as I sit here you are inspiring me with your word/double edged sword.

Father, please relieve Alex's burden he's feeling right now, whatever it may be.   

Father, I pray this prayer for Alex and all the people of the world.  Father, I ask that you make all mankind filthy rich as you have me with your word.  Father, I know that the door that Alex speaks of is already open.  I would like Alex to know that the hard part about the door is stepping in when the door is invisible.  Father, now as you have told me, now I tell someone else.  You must go out on a limb for Jesus because that's where the fruit is at.  Of course,
Father, let thy will be done in all things.

Father, I pray this prayer in your Holy Son's name, Jesus Christ.  Thank you, Father.  Amen

Silver and gold have I none, but I do have a couple of upbeat songs that you can Google if you like.

1.)  One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus
2.)  Glory, Glory, Hallelujah - I Feel Better Now That I Have Laid My Burden Down
3.)  last but not least, In My Father's House Are Many Mansions by Moe Bandy

In the name of Jesus Christ, Paula and I love all people.

Dewey

P. S.  Alex, I also pray that your New Year brings you renewed faith, peace of mind and a happy heart.    Paula

[lilitalienboi16]

Thank you both for your kind words and prayer.

Believe me my faith has never been stronger in my life.. but my shame has never been greater as well.

With knowledge comes great misery.. and my pain for my Lord whom i've crucified over and over with no end in sight.

Great great great shame have i felt.. and still do feel.

My heart... feels so bad... and my soul.. so much pain.

Is their any hope for a man like myself?

His yoke is light.. this i know. Yet i am tormented by the prescence of the lamb because of who i am.

My faith it's never been stronger but so has my shame never been greater.

Thanks and God bless,

Alex..

[Deborah-Leigh]

Hi Alex

I can empathise with what you are feeling. Just remember who made you. God did. He is responsible and His Son is able and willing to forgive. If your perceived fault is say, getting angry...just an example...and you really do not want to get angry but you do, over and over again. Then, go to Jesus over and over again and BELEIVE He has the power to FROGIVE you. God does not spurn or reject a contrite spirit! God is not a deaf blind or dumb God but a loving all knowing wise and good God with a Plan!

Go to HIM who knows your thoughts before you THINK them and ask Him to forgive you for taking His judgement out of His hands and assuming the right to condemn yourself. We are all guilty Alex. WE are all fallen short of the mark. It is Gods Plan that we fall short, know we are miserable without Him and to experience that misery to come to know and depend on Him, His Goodness and His Love. His love does not fail.

In your pain, anguish and suffering, turn to Him and be specific. Ask forgiveness for whatever, and BELIEVE He is faithfull to pardon you. Then if you do not believe that, ask for pardon for unbelief!

If non of this advice applies to you then please forgive me my assumptions and innuendo my brother. I have been in this rut of pain and just share what helped me overcome and I intend no false witness against you. The Spirit of Christ is our healer and He helped me. To believe or not to believe, that might be your dilemma.

Peace to you

Arcturus

[hebrewroots98]

Hello Alex,
Yes, we ALL fall short of being who we want to be; Also Paul suffered the very same as all of us suffer; he stated that "although he wants to do right, the very things that he does not want to do, he does..."...just repent and be thankful for forgiveness and DO NOT LET SATAN STEAL YOUR JOY! Just smile knowing that you do not have to be perfect to be forgiven and to be happy that you are forgiven.  Don't give satan more power over your sins than he deserves; give it all to Christ instead... who took your sins away for you ans who carries your burdens for you! ...then make a joyful noise unto the Lord!

"A merry heart drives away depression" (Eccl.)
Much love brother

[Fabruk]

Hi Alex.
Hang on there mate. Greater is HE who is in you then what is in the world.
God will never give you up.
Be assure that you are not alone.
May God's grace and peace be with you.
Dan

[hillsbororiver]

Hi Alex,

You have received outstanding counsel and empathy here, I know all too well the temptations that a young man faces and what a powerful pull the flesh has, especially when young and vibrant!  ;)

The following is from an email to Ray, even though it does not specifically address your present situation exactly it does share a common theme.

DO NOT WORRY!

Dear Tina,

You are worrying yourself sick. Paul instructs us "DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!! (Phil. 2:8).

Now I know we don't all obey that command, but it is the truth. If we trust God we would worry about NOTHING!

Stop trying to "save yourself."  Let God save you, or rather bring a realization of salvation to your heart and spirit.  God isn't going to "trick" you into loosing your salvation, Tina.  I suspect your husband is bringing more home from church than he left with. Demons do not want you to trust God for the salvation of all humanity, and so they are placing doubts in your mind about everything.

God is quite capable of saving all humanity and all of the heavenly host including all demonic forces.  He will not loose ANYTHING that He has created for a purpose. They will ALL fulfill His purpose. You, Tina, have a purpose in God's Kingdom. There are evil forces that want to discourage you realizing that calling and purpose. I will pray that God will rebuke these evil forces causing you discouragement.  Remember, it is through MUCH tribulation that we enter the Kingdom of God. 

Trust me, Tina, God is not punishing you for not going to your husband's church. Study and pray daily for God's guidance in your life. Listen to GOD'S WORD and not to demons whispering in your ear!  Let me know how else I can help you, Tina. You will be all right!

Sincerely,

Ray

His Peace to you,

Joe

[lilitalienboi16]

Hi Alex

I can empathise with what you are feeling. Just remember who made you. God did. He is responsible and His Son is able and willing to forgive. If your perceived fault is say, getting angry...just an example...and you really do not want to get angry but you do, over and over again. Then, go to Jesus over and over again and BELEIVE He has the power to FROGIVE you. God does not spurn or reject a contrite spirit! God is not a deaf blind or dumb God but a loving all knowing wise and good God with a Plan!

Go to HIM who knows your thoughts before you THINK them and ask Him to forgive you for taking His judgement out of His hands and assuming the right to condemn yourself. We are all guilty Alex. WE are all fallen short of the mark. It is Gods Plan that we fall short, know we are miserable without Him and to experience that misery to come to know and depend on Him, His Goodness and His Love. His love does not fail.

In your pain, anguish and suffering, turn to Him and be specific. Ask forgiveness for whatever, and BELIEVE He is faithfull to pardon you. Then if you do not believe that, ask for pardon for unbelief!

If non of this advice applies to you then please forgive me my assumptions and innuendo my brother. I have been in this rut of pain and just share what helped me overcome and I intend no false witness against you. The Spirit of Christ is our healer and He helped me. To believe or not to believe, that might be your dilemma.

Peace to you

Arcturus

You hit the nail on the head. Although their are many other things that are tearing my heart and soul apart.

I do know Christ has the power to change me, to forgive me, to heal me... but perhaps knowing and believing are two seperate things? I want to say i believe... but... i just don't see why he would, their is no reason to. I have brought Him nothing but pain and shame and disobedience... I don't see why he would.. i am a burden to my Lord their is no reason for him to heal me or to save me, though i know He shall...

Perhaps its the torment of all this and wanting to be healed now.. to be saved now that tears me apart. I don't even know what i feel.. i feel empty without purpose when i can't follow and walk in the Light. Life is so useless without Christ and i find myself more often than not... without Him.... He's always there i know that.. but i can't feel Him, i can't see Him, i can't see His good fruits in my life.. all i see is my wickedness... my nackedness, my hypocricy, my stupidity.. my foolishness and Christ is suppose to heal me? Why? There is nothing good here worth saveing...

Thanks for your prayers.

Alex

[lilitalienboi16]

Hello Alex,
Yes, we ALL fall short of being who we want to be; Also Paul suffered the very same as all of us suffer; he stated that "although he wants to do right, the very things that he does not want to do, he does..."...just repent and be thankful for forgiveness and DO NOT LET SATAN STEAL YOUR JOY! Just smile knowing that you do not have to be perfect to be forgiven and to be happy that you are forgiven.  Don't give satan more power over your sins than he deserves; give it all to Christ instead... who took your sins away for you ans who carries your burdens for you! ...then make a joyful noise unto the Lord!

"A merry heart drives away depression" (Eccl.)
Much love brother

Ill try and make a joyful noise.. but would the Lord even want to hear it?

God bless,

Alex

[lilitalienboi16]

Hi Alex,

You have received outstanding counsel and empathy here, I know all too well the temptations that a young man faces and what a powerful pull the flesh has, especially when young and vibrant! 

The following is from an email to Ray, even though it does not specifically address your present situation exactly it does share a common theme.

DO NOT WORRY!

Dear Tina,

You are worrying yourself sick. Paul instructs us "DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!! (Phil. 2:.

Now I know we don't all obey that command, but it is the truth. If we trust God we would worry about NOTHING!

Stop trying to "save yourself."  Let God save you, or rather bring a realization of salvation to your heart and spirit.  God isn't going to "trick" you into loosing your salvation, Tina.  I suspect your husband is bringing more home from church than he left with. Demons do not want you to trust God for the salvation of all humanity, and so they are placing doubts in your mind about everything.

God is quite capable of saving all humanity and all of the heavenly host including all demonic forces.  He will not loose ANYTHING that He has created for a purpose. They will ALL fulfill His purpose. You, Tina, have a purpose in God's Kingdom. There are evil forces that want to discourage you realizing that calling and purpose. I will pray that God will rebuke these evil forces causing you discouragement.  Remember, it is through MUCH tribulation that we enter the Kingdom of God. 

Trust me, Tina, God is not punishing you for not going to your husband's church. Study and pray daily for God's guidance in your life. Listen to GOD'S WORD and not to demons whispering in your ear!  Let me know how else I can help you, Tina. You will be all right!

Sincerely,

Ray

His Peace to you,

Joe

Don't worry huh? It's that simple? Ill try my best not too, but i know He's there and thats what torments me the most. Knowing i cause Him pain and suffering and shame and knowing that i am nothing but a hypocritcal liar...........

Thanks and please pray for me.

God bless you,

Alex

[Deborah-Leigh]

I think I know what you are saying Alex. Why on Earth would someone SO Good, SO Holy want to save such a wretch as us hey Alex. WHY? Well perhaps it will be because He is of the Nature to do so regardless of our depravity He can turn it and all things to Good for those who LOVE Him. We do Love Him don't we Alex? We are not just fixated on how much we do not merit or deserve His Mercy right?

Peace to you friend

Arcturus 

[gmik]

My "little alien boy"( ).  Go back and reread YOUR posts to others.  What a great source of inspiration!  That is the REAL you.  Don't let the phony, sinful, earthy YOU try to take your place.

Self speak!!  Look in the mirror and repeat Gods Word to yourself!!  That is where truth is.  God's Word- not what you think you think.  Not what you feel.  Not even what you DO.

Now get up out of the mire, dust yourself off, end the pity-party, and REJOICE out loud right now!!!  AGAIN I SAY REJOICE.  The joy of the Lord is my strength.  Do you believe it?? C'mon, we all are rooting for you!!!

[hebrewroots98]

Amen Gena; very well put!   

Alex, don't give satan a foothold....we are here for you; All of you!

[kweli]

Hi all. It's been a while since my last post. Firstly, all the best to all in 2008.

I'm still catching up with what I've missed out on since the last time I was here. This one caught my attention the most to inspire a response. Alex, here we are again venting and concerned about ourselves and our worthiness to be called His own. I believe that is what happens to us when going through the fire. I came across a post here about a potato, an egg and a coffee bean going through the fire (will look for it again). If I had a free will, I'd personally choose to be the bean.

As a word of encouragement, read the entire 2 Timothy 3. And again. And again. You'll find something in there (hopefully) to release the anger and disappointment. I can tell you now I'm constantly battling with myself over the same thing. But I've come to accept that it's me loosing 'myself' to come closer to Him. You feeling undeserving is to me the beginning of being (closer to) deserving. So keep fighting 'yourself' to loose yourself in Him.

Seeking His Glory,
Kweli

[lilitalienboi16]

My "little alien boy"( ).  Go back and reread YOUR posts to others.  What a great source of inspiration!  That is the REAL you.  Don't let the phony, sinful, earthy YOU try to take your place.

Self speak!!  Look in the mirror and repeat Gods Word to yourself!!  That is where truth is.  God's Word- not what you think you think.  Not what you feel.  Not even what you DO.

Now get up out of the mire, dust yourself off, end the pity-party, and REJOICE out loud right now!!!  AGAIN I SAY REJOICE.  The joy of the Lord is my strength.  Do you believe it?? C'mon, we all are rooting for you!!!

Ty gena, you are right... I don't know who the real me is.. the one that likes to sin or the one that can't stand it? I'm like two people at the same time.. it's insane, its madness and no it's not sparta!

You are 100% right though, God's Word is truth, atleast i can count on that always. I just need to hear His Words again i think... I'm praying, and thank you for praying for me.

Much loveto you,

Alex

[lilitalienboi16]

Amen Gena; very well put!   

Alex, don't give satan a foothold....we are here for you; All of you!

All of me, even the beastly part of me? That side ain't pretty =[

[lilitalienboi16]

Hi all. It's been a while since my last post. Firstly, all the best to all in 2008.

I'm still catching up with what I've missed out on since the last time I was here. This one caught my attention the most to inspire a response. Alex, here we are again venting and concerned about ourselves and our worthiness to be called His own. I believe that is what happens to us when going through the fire. I came across a post here about a potato, an egg and a coffee bean going through the fire (will look for it again). If I had a free will, I'd personally choose to be the bean.

As a word of encouragement, read the entire 2 Timothy 3. And again. And again. You'll find something in there (hopefully) to release the anger and disappointment. I can tell you now I'm constantly battling with myself over the same thing. But I've come to accept that it's me loosing 'myself' to come closer to Him. You feeling undeserving is to me the beginning of being (closer to) deserving. So keep fighting 'yourself' to loose yourself in Him.

Seeking His Glory,
Kweli

Thanks kweli for those words, i'll be sure to read it, Lord willing. I only read when the Lord moves me because i feel if i do it otherwise then im trying on my own strength and i don't want that. SO if He will, i shall.

I love so much what you had to say at the end 'Keep fighting yourself to loose yourself in Him.' It almost sounds like madness, but then again who would believe that i like to sin but then i don't like to sin? THey'd probably throw me into a psych ward. I really don't like to sin, but for some reason i keep doing it.

God bless,

Alex