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Author Topic: old age  (Read 2163 times)

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cjwood

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old age
« on: October 30, 2008, 04:14:40 AM »

two elderly gentlemen from a retirement home were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, " slim, i'm 83 yrs old now and i'm just full of aches and pains. i know you're about the same age, how do you feel? slim replies, "i feel just like a newborn baby."  "really?!" said the first gentleman. "like a newborn baby?!" " yep", said slim, "no hair, no teeth, and i think i just wet my pants."

hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. however, while working as a student nurse i found one elderly gentleman already dressed, and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. after a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. on the way down i asked him if his wife was meeting him. "i don't know" he said. "she's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

three old guys are out walking.
the first one says, "windy, isn't it?"
the second one says, "no it's thursday."
the third one says, "so am i. let's go get a beer."

morris, an 82 yr old man, went to his dr. to get a physical. a few days later the dr. saw morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. a couple of days later the dr. spoke to morris and said, "you're really doing great aren't you?!" morris replied, "i'm just doing what you said dr. "get a hot mamma and be cheerful." the dr. replied, "i didn't say that, i said, you've got a heart murmur be careful!".

a little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor. he pulled himself up very slowly, and painfully, onto a stool. after catching his breath he ordered a banana split. the waitress asked kindly "crushed nuts?". "no" he replied, "arthritis."

 ;D claudia
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Heidi

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Re: old age
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2008, 05:29:49 AM »

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Claudia, LOL that was so funny....especially the last one!  ;D
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OBrenda

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Re: old age
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2008, 08:53:36 AM »

Very Good!
 ;D ;D ;D

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cherokee

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Re: old age
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2008, 09:22:30 AM »

 ;DLOL ;D

Suzie
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iris

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Re: old age
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2008, 12:35:18 PM »

 ;D ;D ;D


Iris
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EKnight

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Re: old age
« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2008, 09:48:56 PM »

Funny...... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Eileen
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gmik

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Re: old age
« Reply #6 on: October 31, 2008, 12:46:37 AM »

 ;D ;D ;D

The "older" I get the funnier these get!!!
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musicman

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Re: old age
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2008, 12:08:33 AM »

1st one- you forgot about sleeping like a baby (waking up every two hours screaming)

2nd one- was kick a@@!!

3rd one- sucked old beer!!

4th-aaa (so, so)

5th-aaaa (so, so)
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cjwood

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Re: old age
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2008, 01:29:11 AM »

1st one- you forgot about sleeping like a baby (waking up every two hours screaming)

2nd one- was kick a@@!!

3rd one- sucked old beer!!

4th-aaa (so, so)

5th-aaaa (so, so)





ok dan,
be nice. i am just starting out in the comedic field. i know you have your funny man credentials, but me, not so much. thanks for the critique. once a teacher, always a teacher huh?? :D

you're so silly.
love,
claudia
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