Hi Decky,
It's good to hear that you are praying to God again, and perhaps unburdening whats in your heart, even if it is anger.
You say you're angry, and that God refused to heal your father.
About 15 years ago my mother and brother were both diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I, too, prayed and prayed for them to be healed, but they both died within a few weeks of each other. So I can understand your anger, because I felt God had not answered my prayers. This led to a loss of faith for many years.
But now I look back and know that God did hear my prayer. He had already made provisions for their healing by raising His Son from the dead. If He had immediately answered my prayer and healed them at that time they would have had to suffer and go thru the dying at a future time. But the Bible tells us the day of our death is better than the day of our birth. Because now they are no longer
suffering. They are sleeping and God has preserved their spirit to return them to life. Then He will really heal them, not just for a few short years, but it will be a spiritual healing which will put them on path of real life. How much better God's way is then ours!
So be of good cheer, Decky. Let God heal you now while you wait on Him to answer your prayer. Enjoy the memories of your father, and look forward to that wonderful day when our loved ones will be returned to us - we will never lose them again!
When I think now of my loved ones who have died it seems more like they have gone away for a time, like on a trip abroad, so I won't see them for awhile, but I am waiting for their return. All praise to our merciful God!
Your sister in Christ,
Cindy