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2 URGENT dilemna's
Samson:
Hello Susan,
Sorry to hear about your recent plight regarding the Automobile accident and
your two Adult Brothers. Beloved gave some Scriptural sound advice. Also, I
would like to add this Passage: " But take your stand solid in the faith, knowing
that the same things in the way of sufferings are being accomplished in the entire
association of Brothers in the World. But after you have suffered a little while, the
God of all Grace who called you to his age-lasting glory in Christ will himself finish
your training, he will make you firm, he will make you strong. " 1Peter.5:9,10.
It's most difficult when Family members take advantage of sincere kindness and
hospitality, we(Pam & I) have experienced that recently, to a smaller degree.
I certainly can relate to your Husbands sentiments regarding your Brothers, so
with all of that in mind, the suggestion of providing the necessary necessities; food,
clothing, etc without releasing any Monetary funds is sound advice. A few times in Life,
I had a complete stranger asking for money for the purpose of food. The first time I gave up
some money and viewed him purchasing Alcohol. Thereafter in other instances, I offered
to buy a meal or provide one and was refused.
Of course when dealing with family members(Your Brothers) it's much more difficult due
to Familial Love. Personally, but it's just my " opinion ", don't lay a possible responsibility
towards your Husband. We are all accountable for our actions, the fact you are helping
with your Brothers necessities is admirable.
Without getting into detail, 12 years ago I was homeless for 1-2 months, only one person
in my Congregation helped me. After staying at his House for three weeks and finding a
one room Hilton with money he lent me, I paid back every penny within three weeks and
voluntarily did work for Him(Lawn Mowing), free of charge for one year, to show my
gratitude and appreciation.
Sorry, if I sound alittle unfeeling about all of this, but throughout my entire Life I always
paid for the consequences of my actions, never expecting others to pay for mine. I guess
it " hits a nerve " to hear of others, like yourself being taken advantage of, especially when
it's family members.
In the past few Months, Pam and I have experienced a few Scenarios regarding others
arrogantly and carelessly deciding to do things a certain way that led to a financial
repercussion for us. So instead of them paying for the consequences of their Actions,
we suffered the consequences. In each case, it wasn't simply a mistake, it was a " I
don't care what happens attitude" and a " I Know it all attitude. "
In the case involving the close Family member, I am not at liberty to disclose this matter,
out of personal respect for my Wife.
In the case involving your Brothers, perhaps they really need Professional substance
abuse help. Without that, their lives might be in jeopardy.
My prayers go out to you and may God's guidance direct your steps in this most difficult
time. All of this suffering(Evil) is necessary for our training, even though none of us enjoy
it. When it's from Strangers, it's more endurable. When it originates from Family sources,
it indeed, is a fiery trial.
Kind Regards, Samson.
Ninny:
Susan, I'm sorry you have such hard decisions to make I sympathize with you in that. I pray that God will give you the answers you need to deal with your brothers.
I have gone against my husband's wishes on matters of conscience and it really isn't easy, I know. I can't offer anything, but prayers.
Prayerfully everything will go well with your accident situation.
Kathy :)
hebrewroots98:
Wow,
Thank you all for your input here...I have NEVER gone against my DH (who is a believer...and a BT believer) (like myself) and we are equally yoked on just about every spiritual truth that really matters... with the exception of "my brothers". I have never agreed with him that we should just drop them and never see them EVER again, but that is how DH feels about them...he truly NEVER wants to see them again. He does not want to spend another dime on them...right now DH is having to work a job that is out of state and he only gets to see us minimally each month, just in order to try to get us financially even (no credit/strictly cash), and now this wreck sets us (about 6 mos to a year) behind financially....neither of us are happy with that either, but, he doesn't complain about it) he just knows that they are much younger than he is and that they choose to be lazy than to work and he thinks that they expect him to dish it out when they are in a bind and when we don't they then cuss us out and hang up on us.
I told him that I could not handle it if they did die (all b/c I/we would not help them)...nor if my parents (who live 1500 miles away) expected me to ensure that they get buried properly by the city that they live in (also out of state from us.) But, DH does not even want for me to go to there and spend my time and the stress of me caring for their dead bodies (I know this sounds horrific...) if they were to die! I am so torn and will just have to pray till I find peace inside on this issue. DH doesn't believe that they are starving and that it is just a ploy to not have to work for their needs, but mom is told everything by these two brothers and she thinks that they are telling the truth; (DH thinks that the drug lords are needing their money from my brothers.) My mom has been calling around to try to get the churches in that city to help them and no one can/will). This new level is something that I have never had to deal with before and it certainly is a trial for me b/c DH thinks that if I help them anymore then I am taking away from our home when he is the only one working (he doesn't want to spend a dime on them ever again, not on gas to get there or on food for them and their dog) all b/c my brothers have been here at this desperate point in their lives SO MANY TIMES BEFORE and they don't care to learn from their mistakes. (One brother has been in TEN rehab centers and the other one REFUSES to step foot inside one!) DH thinks that they are still doing drugs and that he shouldn't have to help druggies...so does the other half of my family think like DH does, so they will not help our brothers either.)
I have taken (and will continue) to take into consideration and prayer what each of you has had to say. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart and I will keep you informed as to where HE leads me...HE must provide the $ (it would be DH's earned $ that he has asked me not to use on them), time (I am buried up to my ears it seems in legal paperwork that has deadlines since the wreck), and strength/energy for me to go and help them (as well as the ability to say no to my DH who loves us with all of his heart and who thinks that he is protecting us from them and that I am being ungrateful by not seeing what he sees....what they have done to us in the past.)
blessings,
Susan
Ninny:
Susan, I can feel the heaviness of your heart tonight. :'( I will continue in prayer for you. People can tell you what they would do, but it is ultimately up to you and your family. So just please feel the peace of God around you and let God take care of it. Remember that saying that says "Let go, Let God"?
Prayerfully,
Kathy
Linny:
Dear Susan,
As hard as it is to do in this situation, I feel like you must honor your husband FIRST and you will be blessed by doing so.
Pray for your brothers' protection. Feel free to call on community support to meet your brothers' needs (social services, etc.) But honor your husband's wishes especially since you say he is not only a believer but one with open eyes.
If you feel he is in error, pray for his heart to be changed by the Lord and the Lord will do so if it is His will for your family.
I have found that many times in the past when I felt I was in the right about something, by honoring my husband, and allowing God to handle it, my husband then came around and did the right thing and I wasn't the one pushing him. It all works out so much better when God does it. ;)
Just my opinion as a loud mouthed, opinionated, wife who has spent the last 17 years learning these lessons the hard way. ::) :-\ :D
Many blessings, Lin
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