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Author Topic: A Few From Jerry......  (Read 4156 times)

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hillsbororiver

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A Few From Jerry......
« on: December 02, 2008, 09:03:06 AM »

Some Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld:

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.

I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

I have a friend whos collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. Hes down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, Im sure theyd give him a raise.

To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only person who has read the inside of the top of the box.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same; so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over, and she marries the next guy.

I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can't smell it. Can't eat it. Can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, "Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye."

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. "Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big." "That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later."


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mharrell08

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2008, 09:17:57 AM »

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.

Too funny...this one made me laugh out loud.  :D

I love Seinfeld...that show always has me cracking up.

George: Vandalay Industries!!!! Say Vandalay Industries!!!!! (George then falls on the floor in his briefs...)
Jerry: And you want to be my latex salesmen?


Marques
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hillsbororiver

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2008, 09:28:07 AM »


George: Vandalay Industries!!!! Say Vandalay Industries!!!!! (George then falls on the floor in his briefs...)
Jerry: And you want to be my latex salesmen?

Marques


Hi Marques,

One of my all time favorite shows, the scene you mentioned above is also one of my very favorites. Kramer answering the phone screws up George's cover and George hearing this runs out of the bathroom in his boxer shorts, pants down to his knees tripping to the floor just as Jerry walks back into his apartment, eyeing the scene he smiles and asks George; "And you want to be my latex salesmen?"

Priceless  ;D

Anyone who has not seen this probably thinks we are nuts!

Peace,

Joe 
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Akira329

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2008, 09:45:56 AM »

I like the episode when thier all on trial and all the people who's lives they've ruined are there.
That was funny!

Antaiwan
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"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile"
-Albert Einstein
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
- Jesus

OBrenda

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2008, 10:07:07 AM »

Don't forget the Soup Nazi!

 ;D ;D
Brenda


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Ninny

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2008, 10:23:49 AM »

Gee, I wish I'd watched more Seinfeld I think I missed out on a LOT of funny stuff!!  I love funny stuff,ya know!  :D :D
Kathy ;)
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Akira329

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2008, 02:57:03 PM »

Its in reruns all the time on TBS.
It doesn't matter when you jump in either because the show isn't about "anything". :D

Antaiwan
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"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile"
-Albert Einstein
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
- Jesus

Ninny

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2008, 02:58:35 PM »

Ha! Okie dokie! I'm there! ;D ;D
Kathy ;)
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Akira329

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2008, 03:02:28 PM »

Hey Kathy I know this might be too much but their scripts are online!
http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/

Antaiwan
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"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile"
-Albert Einstein
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
- Jesus

Vangie

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2008, 03:51:31 PM »

Marques, Joe, Antaiwan, Brenda, Kathy and all our other "the show about nothing" fans,

Here's the Vandelay sound clip for you. :D

http://www.entertonement.com/clips/20127/Seinfeld/Michael-Richards/Cosmo-Kramer/Vandelay-Industries
« Last Edit: December 02, 2008, 03:58:57 PM by Vangie »
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mharrell08

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2008, 04:16:34 PM »

Marques, Joe, Antaiwan, Brenda, Kathy and all our other "the show about nothing" fans,

Here's the Vandelay sound clip for you. :D

http://www.entertonement.com/clips/20127/Seinfeld/Michael-Richards/Cosmo-Kramer/Vandelay-Industries


Thanks Vangie...that one never gets old.  :D


Marques
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Patrick

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2008, 05:07:45 PM »

"probably thinks we (Joe & Marques) are nuts"!


Thinks?  ;D
I've had dinner with both of you!
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mharrell08

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2008, 05:15:06 PM »

"probably thinks we (Joe & Marques) are nuts"!


Thinks?  ;D
I've had dinner with both of you!


Then it's official...Joe, Patrick, Antaiwan, and I are officially 'off our rocker'. The jig is up...  :D


Marques
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Ninny

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2008, 05:19:01 PM »

Ha! You are BUSTED! ;D
Life is good! ;)
Kathy :)
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Akira329

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #14 on: December 02, 2008, 08:41:14 PM »

I remember I didn't even like this show when it was in syndication, but I watched the last episode and I have been cracking up since! :D

Oh I fell off the rocker a long time ago and have been scared of those chairs since! ;D

Antaiwan
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"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile"
-Albert Einstein
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
- Jesus

gmik

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #15 on: December 02, 2008, 11:38:50 PM »

Thanks for the laughs.  That has to be the greatest sitcom ever.  I never watched it till it came on reruns.  Then got hooked for years!  I am over the obsession of it, but Seinfeld trivia helps the miles pass by on a trip!!  My favorite scene is of Elaine dancing in her bosses office eating the royal cake not knowing she was being taped.  I still crack up at that!!  Gosh, I have too many "favorites".  My favorite entire episode is at the cottage w/ their friends w/ the ugly baaaaby, the lobster, the topless (ahem) and of course the shrinkage issue.  Better stop there!!! ;D ;D
gena
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cjwood

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Re: A Few From Jerry......
« Reply #16 on: December 03, 2008, 12:09:40 AM »

and then there was the episode when elaine was driving her boyfriends car (i think she called him "puddy") and all the radio stations were programmed to the christian radio stations, and she then confronted puddy on it. yeah, i really enjoyed watching that show, and still like watching it in reruns.


claudia
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