Longhorn couldn't hold a cattle prod to me. Besides, he bowed out as my presidential opponent months ago. Made up some story bout floaten in space n stuff. Yeah, right. He should have just said "I'm headed to my Texas ranch until the tough decisions go away".
Anyhow, I will start with the suckiest of sucks. There will be no more waiting in lines at grocery stores. I am going to invent a new way of shopping so that groceries are delivered to people's houses. I will call this exciting new program, uuuuuummmm, Amway. . . .. . or something.
And it sux to hold a cell phone while driving or just walking around. I will have inovations put forth so that people can stick a device into their ear and listen to the person on other line. They will even be able to talk. Hee hee, people will walk by and think you're insane because you're talking to yourself. I will call it. . . . . . .aahh. . . .radioactive tooth. No it won't cause brain cancer!!!!
And I know how much people hate paying taxes. They suc!! So, I will allow people to write off their god loving tithe money so that they can thumb their noses at the gubment in favor of more lavish architecture at their local church in a poverty stricken town.
Yall ascared a them foreigners? Fear sux!! So, I will have prison inmates put together these really long useless contraptions that look like early NASA spaceships and say they are nuclear missles to scare the world into submission. I will bribe hollywood to make fictional movies about these things launching and blowing up in a giant mushroom cloud.
Finally, we will prove that abiogenesis is historical by mixing certain gasses together in a test tube, firing electrical charges into it for a few weeks and turning the power off just as 2 or 3 amino acids collect at the sides (don't want to destroy what was created by continuing the experiment). I will call it "The Standing Free Willer Experiment".
I'm the MusicMan and I approve these innovations of mine.