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Author Topic: A Nun Grading Papers  (Read 5321 times)

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Arion

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A Nun Grading Papers
« on: April 13, 2009, 10:23:27 PM »

A Nun Grading Papers

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

THIS COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST THAT KIDS WERE ASKED. THE QUESTIONS ARE ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. ;


1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.



2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.



3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.


4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.



5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.



6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.



7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA ! WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.



8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.  AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS



9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.



10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.



11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.



12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.



13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.



14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.



15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.



16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.



17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.



18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.



19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.



20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.


21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.


22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.


23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.


24 ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.


25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE.. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
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charrie

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2009, 10:35:56 PM »

I am in pain from laughting so hard.  Oh, you just have to love the little one :D :D :D


Charrie :-*
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Arion

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2009, 11:01:00 PM »

Heh, #11 ...the battle of geritol.  I've had some days like that.  LOL
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musicman

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2009, 12:27:04 AM »

Actually, those answers come from seminary tests. 
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Dave in Tenn

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2009, 01:07:38 AM »

Heh, #11 ...the battle of geritol.  I've had some days like that.  LOL

Oh help, I'm dying here.  You need more than geritol if your wife is a ball of fire by night.
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Heb 10:32  But you must continue to remember those earlier days, how after you were enlightened you endured a hard and painful struggle.

Ninny

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2009, 01:43:38 AM »

Cute, Dave!  ;D ahahaha!! :D
Kathy ;)
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Marky Mark

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2009, 10:49:22 AM »

And you have to ask yourself,just how porous is the rock that babylon builds its church upon.  Great one liners though ;D.





Peace...Mark
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mhykx

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2009, 11:50:38 AM »

What a great stress reliever!
Haven't laughed like this for months now.  ;D
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Arion

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2009, 04:12:19 PM »

Actually, those answers come from seminary tests. 

Actually your not as far off based as you joke.  I had an acquaintance that went to Catholic seminary for a number of years.  Occasionally we would talk about things the bible declares (When I was still firmly in the babalonian system) and he had a total lack of understanding of even basic scriptural principles.  I was amazed at that since he was a seminary student in the past.  I asked him what in the world did he study in seminary?  He told me that they primarily studied church history and the lives of the saints.  They rarely cracked the cover of their bibles and current church teaching and tradition was always primary.  And unfortunately for the most part Catholic people depend on their priests to tell them what the bible says and even the priests don't know for the most part.
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Terry

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2009, 09:51:34 PM »

Thanks Arion for this post, after a very hard day i about split my side i needed that
Terry
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Terry

cjwood

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #10 on: April 15, 2009, 03:20:01 AM »

i believe there are quite a few good babylonians who adhere to the 7th commandment on the list of "thou shalt not ADMIT adultery".  ::)

thanks for the post arion. no matter where it originated, it was still a great laugh.

claudia
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Astrapho

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #11 on: April 15, 2009, 12:28:30 PM »

I'm doubling over with laughter even as I'm typing  ;D  ;D  ;D Lol!!!
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musicman

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Re: A Nun Grading Papers
« Reply #12 on: April 15, 2009, 01:35:37 PM »

You know, I think the translators left out a word in one of god's commandments.  There should be an addition of the word "daughters" in the following commandment.  It should say, "Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's daughter's. .... . . .uuuummmm. . . .I can't remember what word comes next.
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